>>1178650I just woke up, so forgive me if I say something dumb.
Break ups suck. For better or worse, it can always be a pain to go through such a dramatic and drastic change in life. For that I am sorry; and I can relate with a lot of the experiences you're talking about; I know depression, anxiety, and uncertainty quite well. The future can be a terrifying and tumultuous thing; one that often turn into a horrifying silence in the next moment.
I'm sorry that you had to go through hospice. It's never a fun turn of events. I've had to do that about three times in my life and its absolutely heart breaking to watch someone that you love slowly die out and fade from this world right before your very eyes. I've also been on the opposite spectrum and have had to receive the call where someone you love dearly was suddenly and violently killed. One moment they are there and the next they're gone. Not to make this about myself, but I think one of the most traumatic experiences for me was holding someone and feeling the life slip from their body in a near instant. My point is that I can understand. You aren't alone on that, well, not unless you want to be. You can always call me to talk if you need as well. (And if you can endure a few dumb jokes from my end.)
>Grief is already a lonely feeling, but it's especially lonely when no one around you grieves with you. Sorrow just feels inescapable right now, I don't know what to hope for anymore other than to hope that the worst possible doesn't come to pass.I know that feeling quite well as well. I used to go to various online corners where other suicidal and depressed people would hang out and just talk about how shitty life is with them. I didn't want someone to try to tell me it would be okay, and that life would get better, because at the time I didn't want to hear that. In my head the only direction life could really go was down with small moments of highs within the spiral of madness that we called life. I wanted to die. I tried to die. It would have certainly been easier. I would have simply ceased to exist. There would be no sorrow, no pain, no anger, no anxiety or worrying about the world around me crumbling to the ground; but there would also be no happiness, love, or the ability to help those around me that I care deeply about.
I'm not going to si
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