So idk how much any1 cares about wat i write since I stopped softly trolling people about creating a My Little Pony religion/talking about worshiping Celestia/episode "purity" and such, but nyhoof - thought I'd see what you guys have to say for old time's sake (yeah, I know this is ponyville)...
So while I had a little brother (a love/hate relationship) I could always count on to do things with (or to use if i needed someone to hide behind because of social anxiety), I never had anyone I considered a true friend like all the other kids seemed to have...
I always desperately wanted to make friends with those around me and to be recognized by them, but I never seemed to be able to say or do the right things to get them to like me. They always reacted with aversion (like when i followed my older sister's advice and gave someone the evil eye or the time i told a catholic their religion was false), disappointment/ughhh (when i insisted the people i was playing with show me where in the rules i wasn't allowed to evolve to charizard twice in a turn (they didn't show me and let me do it anyway) - it later turned out they were right, and they never called me back to join them again), or was mocked (like the time i was accused of being gay for unconsciously following and standing behind someone who was talking with friends.)
I would always get excited and happy when someone invited me to play a game with them, like freeze tag.
But I never fully trusted any of them. I guess the way they acted had little appeal to me. Maybe they weren't my people.
Anyway, as I got older, I grew cynical about people, creating an impenetrable barrier between me and them, which everyone who attempted to cross inevitably failed. Never sexually attracted to anyone for one reason or another, I denied all requests for dating. One fat girl in high school told me she heard about me having no friends from my sister's friend - it was "a sad story" - and claimed that it was her "mission" to get me to talk. I didn't believe she was capable, but I held out hope, anyway. It turned out it was misplaced.
I went to college, hoping it would be a turning point for me and that I would finally be able to make friends and join groups of people with the same interests and everything would be great. Maybe I was just unlucky and got placed in the wrong dorm (most there already had friends), but I didn't make friends there - although thePost too long. Click here to view the full text.