I've a lot better about controlling my emotions, but I tend to feel them overwhelmingly strong at times.
Anger (Guts):
"Anger is a killing thing: it kills the man who angers, for each rage leaves him less than he had been before - it takes something from him." -Louis L'Amour
When I am angry, I do and say things that often are at the expense of myself for the emotion. Sometimes it manifests as a cool boiling simmer of my blood, and other times when I snap it's like a fucking nuclear bomb exploding. Depending on that level of rage, I can say things that cut deep like a blade, or if it comes down to violence; harm in ways that I sometimes regret and other times do not. I'll burn down bridges; anything to harm you as I feel slighted. And the worst part? As with sadness, there's almost a sick and twist pleasure that derives from it. It's about doing anything in the heat of the moment to face down your opponent at the time and win in any way possible, with burning rage. I suppose some of it even manifests even in blunt honesty.
I suppose when I think of anger, I think of Guts during the eclipse. Either that or Spear from Primal.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-XBmD4DiQAgDisgust (Jane):
Disgust is an interesting emotion in that it is more complex that it is initially presented. You can be disgusted by something as solid as a bad smell, the sight of something dead on the side of the road, a dirty bathroom, ect. But there are so many different reasons for disgust. There's also disgust with behavior. To approve of and disapprove of those around you almost to the point of revulsion. I suppose sometimes I am fervent in my disgust. And yet.. There moments that it leads to my sympathy; my compassion for something I see as almost pitiful and needing love and affection. I often challenge myself in my negative feelings for things around me that I dislike in addition to the things I do; for I might find someone to be a disgusting person, but then again, I could be seen as disgusting and repulsive. Even by virtue of being someone who indulges in alcohol. It's an interesting one, that's for sure. Sometimes, and often, there is a level of amusement to something or someone disgusting. I suppose that might be some kind of defense mechanism or whatever armchair psychologists want to boil it down to.
I suppose when I do find something truly disgusting though, it leads to a bitter revulsion. And again, that can lead to me just making fun of whatever the object of disgust is.
As strange as it sounds, Jane from Daria is a good pick.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M73EGDMtxt8Happiness (Discord):
Joy is as complex as it is simple. Despite what people might think about me, at the end of the day all I've ever wanted to do was to make people around me smile. To feel their joy fuels me, and in turn makes me want to hear the sweet sound of laughter, laughing with you. It almost boils down to a sense of comradery, bonding, and ultimately the sheer pleasure of experiencing the same feeling with another. Love. Love is a good word for it, and I am full of love just begging to burst forth from my very being. It's that love that bleeds into so many other emotions: rage when protecting those I love, sadness when I lose them or see them harmed, and fear that either might happen. It's one of those things that is hard to explain with words, rather, just a feeling in that moment. I'm not talking anything superficial yet. It's one thing to make a stranger laugh, which is nice, but it's so much better when you're with your friends who get you. Happiness also comes in other forms: a sense of worth, purpose/or even a lack of in a free spirit healthy sense; and understanding.
When I feel joy; real unrefined joy, it's just as intense as the most burning and intense anger, or the bluest sense of hopelessness. It feels like my very soul could sing. Like my body could crack open in that shower of acceptance and enjoyment for whatever it is I'm doing: making art, love, or simply enjoying a good conversation with a friend that goes on for multiple hours.
Someone once said I was like Discord.. I suppose that is true to a degree. I shall go with that.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTzvR478aWwFear (Trevor):
Fear is a powerful emotion. I'd say it is one of the most raw and unfiltered, pure emotions that a human being can experience. When you are terrified of something it can show the true nature of a man; or so they say. I'm not sure I entirely buy that, but I understand the sentiment. Regardless, for me fear can come at even the oddest of times. Perhaps it is because I've seen what can happen when things go south. It can be in the middle of a night walk when someone is following a little too close behind, in the woods when the moon is barely visible, or when you're lying in your bed and nobody else is around. Shadows begin to dance, and faces begin to form in the darkness. It can also be fun in a safer environment. I do love a good horror movie or video game.
It might sound sadistic, but I actually really enjoy scaring people. We used to jump scare each other at work during the graveyard and it was honestly a blast. Made the night go by. But true unrefined fear; of course, is unpleasant; thrilling and humbling. It's about to make you snap back into the reality of life at a moment's notice. Suddenly we're not talking about the philosophy of life, or what ideology is the way to some fruity enlightenment. Suddenly, you're just trying to escape, fight, or otherwise get away from that fear.
For fear, and a less extreme example: I am at time afraid of opening up to others. Not just talking about my experiences. There's a difference between that and investing myself emotionally while doing so. I feel like a wounded animal at times. It feels at times I get burned or end up burning bridges myself. I suppose I am afraid of myself. I'm afraid of others. I'm afraid of being hurt. I'm afraid of watching the people I care for being hurt. I'm afraid of everything. For that, I choose Trevor from GTA 5.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XctSlhQvaGgSadness (Spinel):
I used to be extremely suicidal. I've talked about it once or twice, but I've tried to take my own life before. I failed. But I remember in those days I would hang out in a barn and just drink all day. It felt like I was in a vast ocean of freezing cold water, stranded, and constantly falling under its crashing waves. It's like I said with anger. The worst part is that you almost start to develop this toxic relationship with it; where you just want to see how fucked up things can get; to watch yourself rot and waste away. I don't want to do anything. It's the kind of pain that isn't on your body. It's self-destructive.
It's: "I don't want to live. I don't even want to get out of bed unless it's to drink, tear up to sad music and talk to other miserable people about how awful life it. Breathing hurts in a metaphorical sense, and sometimes in a physical one. I'm a piece of shit. And so is everyone around me. I hate life and I hate living. I truly, truly hate life and all of its various life forms: animals, people, nature; everything that grows."
At least that's how it feels. I still get sad. And yet, something burns inside for more in life. A lot of the things that used to bother me so much I feel have less of an impact on me now.
As cringe as it might sound, Spinel hits close to home in terms of feelings of abandonment and self-loathing.
For this one I'll give two songs, considering sadness and I know each other so well. In a weird way, it sort of saved me. I suppose that was the theme of Inside Out. It isn't always a bad thing to feel sad.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bVB7UMwvlAohttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1j25A_rN3u0
