No.15628[Last 50 Posts]
File: 1620374053056.png (73.26 KB, 979x816, 979:816, grumpypants.png) ImgOps Google
It's 4am I can't sleep and I want to punch something. and I don't know why
fuck me
No.15629
File: 1620374149002.jpg (64.81 KB, 952x838, 476:419, 1185595_507246746027321_16….jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
no one is ever going to see this so I guess I'll just rant at no one. I feel tense, jittery. I want to punch something. I want to scream and yell and throw things. I have no idea where all this emotion is coming from. maybe I'm tired. my hear is racing faster and faster and I can feel the adrenaline burning in my veins. what the fuck is wrong with me? I don't feel okay. I'm scared. fuck!
No.15630
File: 1620831560683.jpg (65.56 KB, 556x1024, 139:256, I don't understand why you….jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
>>15629A bit late, but are you feeling any better now? It's been a few days.
No.15636
File: 1632076313083.png (179.89 KB, 1000x1000, 1:1, C7145F2F-9ED5-4C8E-B0FD-DB….png) ImgOps Google
Interesting....
Haven't seen this thread...
It's a pleasure to see you, droplets.
No.15639
File: 1633585887162.jpg (33.66 KB, 657x960, 219:320, 1185463_499732296782361_12….jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
>>15637>>15638hello to you both
I believe I have a lust addiction.
I've been spending more and more time lately looking up... not strictly porn... mostly cartoons and comics of sexual fantasies that wouldn't be possible, or at least only possible once. but the point is, I've been spending so much time feeding my lust, I haven't been able to focus on projects I want. I've wasted away a lot of my time, and not only does that make me feel awful already, I feel bad because my wife is frustrated that she's only ever in the mood while I'm at work. maybe I'm just sexually frustrated, but then... well I'm frustrated in general. I'm not sure where I'm going with this. it's 2am
bleh
No.15640
File: 1633593837056.png (886.42 KB, 800x880, 10:11, 1195746__safe_solo_clothes….png) ImgOps Google
>>15639 That does sound like a frustrating situation. Have you talked with your wife about it? Have you been making time for each other?
No.15642
>>15640we've tried to, but she's been sick lately, which also hasn't helped. I kinda feel bad too. I have a bit of a lust addiction, and I've been craving sex in general, not necessarily intimacy. though I suppose it's hard to say I don't crave intimacy when we're sort of initimate all the time. We cuddle and snuggle a lot, and she's very huggy and kissy all the time. just no sex lately. Is it wrong to crave specifically sex? not just... well, her?
It's 1:30am
We are doing a sort of roleplay thing together. We're exploring part of a fantasy world I created for a book. effectively fan fiction before the main plot exists. it's a fun way to step into the world and learn about it, and interact with each other as things we couldn't be otherwise.
No.15643
File: 1634166902178.jpeg (147.82 KB, 829x715, 829:715, 8D043F73-EF69-43C0-9C4F-1….jpeg) ImgOps Google
>>15642 What has she been sick with?
I don't think it's wrong to crave sex. But the manner in which you satisfy your cravings could be an issue. The most important thing is that she doesn't feel resentful that you're getting your fix from something/someone else, since that could lead to a negative feedback loop and end in disaster. If spontaneous sex isn't happening, you might try something like scheduling it (and perhaps scheduling some other activities beforehand to get you both in the mood).
That sounds like a fun activity.
No.15644
File: 1634233024423.jpg (2.99 MB, 4128x3096, 4:3, 20211014_001743.jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
>>15643Sinus infection. Bad one. She's starting to feel better.
It is definitely a fun time, and it's helping me get back into the writing kick. I've also started a painting
No.15646
File: 1634684196215.png (222.99 KB, 900x899, 900:899, D845189E-4DFC-4999-A1D7-43….png) ImgOps Google
>>15639Huh....
To be honest, I feel frustrated when my libido rises. I know it's natural, but it's not for me. I have decent willpower, but if needed, my ssri's act like good anaphrodisiacs. Not sure what to say, but you can vent to your heart's content. I can give my two cents. Nonetheless, I only wish you the best with your endeavors.
No.15648
File: 1636624637532.jpg (99.65 KB, 853x1024, 853:1024, Some dental corrections.jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
>>15643I'd endorse the scheduling it idea, but make it a more full thing. Incorporate it into dates as one of the activities.
No.15649
File: 1636729049993.png (1.02 MB, 1024x1024, 1:1, asafafgg.png) ImgOps Google
>>15644 That's pretty cool. Are you done with it? How did it turn out?
>>15646 it's frustration month
>>15648 this!
No.15667
File: 1649147480039.jpg (64.81 KB, 952x838, 476:419, 1185595_507246746027321_16….jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
I want to drive down to the end of the highway
Where fire burns tires and in the end I’ll have it my way
Because I’m trying to be the best part of me
But the best part of me is not what I can be
when my eyes are in flames and my heart’s leaking water
I hope that these parts of me don’t leave my thoughts because
thoughts can become actions and actions can hurt others.
Is fire who I would want raising my daughter?
My mind hurts my heart and my heart hurts my body
My body’s exploding from the pressure inside of me
And the people I love have shrapnel embedded in places I wish I had known I was headed.
Now the fuse is alight and the bomb’s gonna blow
So the highway’s the place where my heart meets the road.
Redline Red eyes
Red on the road for the things that won’t let me go
Eyes that can see only things that hurt me
in the past when I lacked the vision to see
through the hurt and the pain to the tears and the rain
that fell on my heart and the hurt that I gained
When I tried to love people more than myself
I was the thing that sent me to hell
My heart I would drown in the sorrows that pounded
through leather and pedals and sirens and sounds of life
Sounds of excitement. Screaming through teeth that ground veins to enlightenment
Lighting that flooded my body with joy as the fire burned tires and man into boy
as the lane marks sped by like the days of my life.
Red was the color that kept me from dying
Is red the only color that I can see?
Is it possible that maybe I can learn to be
a blue fire. Calm and collected.
Can I touch burning hearts without becoming infected
By the poison that drips from the pages of my history
Written in the blood of my tainted victories
consisting of skins of the promises made
But delivering only emotional graves
The asphalt bereavement of lies and deceit
Is a furnace of anger directed at me
Because red is the line where I feel most alive
when my heart and my mind and my body are lying
About why I can’t sleep and why all of my trying
Has given me only more hiding and crying
I throttle the rage so I don’t burn my soul
The red line’s the reason my heart isn’t whole
No.15668
File: 1649162042135.png (156 KB, 600x470, 60:47, rainbow_pinkie_hug.png) ImgOps Google
>>15667 I'm afraid to ask how things are going. But I'm here if you want to vent.
No.15669
File: 1649169628070.png (329 KB, 1280x711, 1280:711, distraught_pinkie_by_moong….png) ImgOps Google
>>15668I honestly don't know. I've been driving aggressively lately. I'm angry a lot. I can't sleep much. I've been running more, punching my heavybag more. And I feel a deep longing for the road. I want to just get on the highway, put the pedal on the floor, and not let up until I'm out of gas or out of tears. And I still don't know why
No.15670
File: 1649174115796.png (320.68 KB, 600x600, 1:1, 1DC18B01-F545-4811-AD94-F8….png) ImgOps Google
>>15669I understand such emotional disturbance. Felt it myself. I don't wish the same situation for others that are closest to me.
No.15671
File: 1649185366217.gif (161.21 KB, 473x750, 473:750, tumblr_pfe8hwRdsi1xbqntgo1….gif) ImgOps Google
>>15669 Those all seem like ways of letting off steam in real life. How are things going with your wife? How's work treating you? How about just life in general? Catch us up!
No.15672
File: 1649218131955.jpg (49.86 KB, 682x772, 341:386, 57274436_730356894025456_1….jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
>>15671The wife's been struggling at work. If it's not someone who looks like the kid who molested her in kindergarten, it's a former boss who's a volunteer and doesn't understand the concept of positive reinforcement and avoiding "should"s.
Work is actually fantastic. I love my job, and I've been doing more faceting work, and I'm lined up to start working on it nearly all the time. Haven't been into reading much lately. I'm a little stressed because when we went over our budget, we realized with the job re-shuffle we're now about $200 short of our comfort budget, which means we need to rely on the tight belt one which is... less comfortable, but at least it's liveable.
>>15670I had some clarity this morning and realized it's a combination of things. On the one hand, everything here is talking about a lot of mistakes and regrets in my past, and how adrenaline used to be the drug I used to escape people, stress, depression, life. I was dead inside, and flying down the highway at 100+mph, dodging cars at 5000+rpm was my emotional high.
All of that's in there, but it's in my past. It's all been reconciled, but it's been stirred up because I'm struggling with a different kind of addiction these days, and the demons that want me to fall back into old habits are trying to rekindle the emotions that led to those habits.
with my wife being stressed, and me being tense, we were wearing ourselves thin just trying to support each other, and I'd been sliding back into my addiction, and it was... well not pretty.
a bit of prayer has us feeling hopeful
No.15673
File: 1649385169849.png (197.9 KB, 480x322, 240:161, Morning.png) ImgOps Google
>>15672It's good you found something to help take the edge off.
No.15674
File: 1649413369241.jpg (77.36 KB, 966x828, 7:6, 4155138f44d8e93a6423525e52….jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
>>15672 I'm glad your job is going well and that it sounds like you're enjoying yourself, even if it's stressful at times.
No.15675
File: 1650611823829.jpeg (37.72 KB, 281x471, 281:471, 8475F7CD-46F8-4D49-98C4-3….jpeg) ImgOps Google
Hah.
No.15708
File: 1654495125334.jpg (33.66 KB, 657x960, 219:320, 1185463_499732296782361_12….jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
I still think about the redline a lot. I miss feeling the lightning my blood. The thrum of the throttle in my heart. I used to fight, I miss the sting of our fists as we traded skin.
And I wonder why
No.15711
File: 1654890839724.png (119.28 KB, 584x444, 146:111, DA81C514-6C57-451E-907B-77….png) ImgOps Google
>>15708There's lots of things I should miss, but I don't.
I am grateful for the experience, however.
No.15712
File: 1654911194280.jpeg (90.48 KB, 1280x824, 160:103, Ugh, God..jpeg) ImgOps Google
>>15710I see. It seems like risk-taking behavior for adrenaline highs.
No.15713
File: 1655003189149.jpeg (225.9 KB, 760x848, 95:106, 1512691896914.jpeg) ImgOps Google
>>15710>>15712Reading again I think I am sounding a bit judgemental. I didn't mean to.
To me though it does read a bit like there's the feelings that one could imagine in what folks would call an adrenaline junkie. Is this maybe something that stems from your time in the military?
No.15714
File: 1655099476973.png (415.9 KB, 1024x768, 4:3, cocoa.png) ImgOps Google
>>15713>MilitaryNo, but I see why you might think that. No, I would say it's the other way around. My tendency to look for a fight probably helped lead me to the military.
And you're half right anyway. I sought adrenaline like a drug in those days, but more because it was the only way I felt alive. Pain is a glorious feeling when it's the only thing you know how to feel, and the high of adrenaline, even moreso. I suppose I developed a sort of comfort relationship with it that lingers to this day, and crops up whenever things get crazy.
No.15715
File: 1656270627643.jpg (295.55 KB, 1280x1019, 1280:1019, Tell me all about it.jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
>>15714Well, you're hardly the only one to do that.
Can't say it's something I share though. The refuge I found was shoving everything down until I didn't feel it anymore. Kind of. I used and still use sadomasochism as a release valve. And for fun, admittedly.
No.15716
File: 1656381856562.jpg (2.88 MB, 4032x3024, 4:3, PXL_20220628_005835071.NIG….jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
>>15715Pain can be fun too, if you're into that.
>>15648>>15643Also much thanks for the scheduling idea. I called in a favor and had a friend secretly set up rose petals and candles while we were at dinner, she was totally blown away
No.15717
File: 1656396228677.jpeg (105.97 KB, 768x1024, 3:4, 576.jpeg) ImgOps Google
>>15716 that's awesome! glad to hear it
No.15718
File: 1657605691935.png (840.08 KB, 745x1024, 745:1024, My armies will raise my ba….png) ImgOps Google
>>15716I'm glad it worked out. It's a shame adulting is so costly on free time, but it's good to collaborate to spend time together.
No.15725
File: 1659618605914.jpg (2.7 MB, 4624x2604, 1156:651, 20220730_095525.jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
He did good, made it a few more days, but I had to say goodbye. It was a few days ago already and mostly I'm just getting the pictures put somewhere.
No.15726
File: 1659618772246.jpg (3.04 MB, 4624x2604, 1156:651, 20220730_085801.jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
No.15727
File: 1660254488660.png (251.38 KB, 437x600, 437:600, not good.png) ImgOps Google
>>15726>>15725looks like a good boy
No.15728
File: 1661144703840.png (1.09 MB, 725x1024, 725:1024, Now this one is definitely….png) ImgOps Google
>>15727He was. I've got his ashes next to his grandpa, who was also a good boy.
No.15729
File: 1661186732288.png (1.63 MB, 2000x2000, 1:1, 132725576181.png) ImgOps Google
Feeling pensive this morning. A character in the book I'm reading is struggling with the meaning of honor. Is it honorable to remove an incompetent leader by force? Or it is honorable to lead from beneath, inspiring even your superiors to become better than themselves? What do you do when you see know right way forward? Whom, and what, do you choose to become?
I wonder about my own life. Am I meant for more than a simple, earnest living? I was once called a mover and a shaker? I was once filled with a firestorm of passion. I seek peace, but am I meant to be peaceful? Or am I meant to shake the world? Perhaps for now, my world. What must I become, to change what is before me? What would you have of me, God? Who am I meant to be? How may I find and heal the hurting of the world I experience? How may I love them best? How may I embody honor, and wisdom?
No.15730
File: 1662292370924.jpg (56.08 KB, 500x495, 100:99, Oh, when did you come in.jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
>>15729Many of these questions have answers that I think one is to manifest from within themselves.
No.15736
File: 1665465376307.png (445.17 KB, 819x1024, 819:1024, large.png) ImgOps Google
I'm scared my friend might be dead. I finally got her to consider therapy last night and we filled out the questionnaire together, and at the end it gave her a 24/7 crisis line. She talked to them for 20 minutes and they suggested rehab and she said she didn't want to do rehab again because it always makes everything worse. That was the last thing she said 24 hours ago. I've been texting her all day and she hasn't responded and I'm really scared
No.15737
File: 1665465650024.png (47.07 KB, 408x398, 204:199, Aren't we.png) ImgOps Google
>>15736Is she in a range that you could physically go to check on her?
No.15738
File: 1665465729470.jpg (42.48 KB, 736x646, 368:323, e349d369cc23c77e7280bc446e….jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
>>15737No. She lives about a continent away
No.15739
File: 1665466313954.png (520.06 KB, 1280x790, 128:79, Hoodie.png) ImgOps Google
>>15738I see.
That she didn't say anything is worrying indeed. I cannot say for certain and I do not know her, but there are other possibilities as well. Not that it helps you, but she could be in a state where she's... close but hasn't gone through with it. She might be looping and unwilling to respond. Depending on how aware she is of certain things, she may not be willing to talk right now because she doesn't want to "threaten" to do so because that's an abuse tactic. In that headspace, often the last thing anyone is willing to do is commit what to them is more harm.
You're going to just have to keep an eye on it and see if she will respond. I... know it feels bad. That's unfortunately all you can do.
No.15740
File: 1665476036875.jpeg (89.28 KB, 1666x1238, 833:619, FA54A2D6-E535-4092-930A-1….jpeg) ImgOps Google
>>15736I see...
I'm not much in favor of such facilities myself.
Sorry you're having a hard time.
No.15741
File: 1665499511670.png (20.88 KB, 360x444, 30:37, png-transparent-twilight-s….png) ImgOps Google
I want to not exist today
No.15742
File: 1665544704084.png (2.35 MB, 2000x2200, 10:11, 1626614__safe_artist-colon….png) ImgOps Google
>>15741Any word from your friend?
No.15743
File: 1665651390468.png (4.62 MB, 3236x2006, 1618:1003, Remembering the past.png) ImgOps Google
>>15741Hope you're managing well enough. I know I don't express sympathy properly, but I had someone close to me feel the same way.
No.15744
File: 1665678954365.jpeg (4.55 KB, 215x235, 43:47, images (1).jpeg) ImgOps Google
>>15742None so far.
Now I feel bad because I used an unhealthy coping mechanism
>>15743I can't blame a psychopath for their psychopathy
No.15745
File: 1665682308956.jpeg (90.48 KB, 1280x824, 160:103, Ugh, God..jpeg) ImgOps Google
>>15744I think most of us have done something of the like.
No.15746
File: 1665691260065.png (1.41 MB, 1302x951, 434:317, tsk_.png) ImgOps Google
>>15744Even though we have our disagreements, I still don't want you going through emotional distress.
No.15752
File: 1666014460378.png (20.88 KB, 360x444, 30:37, png-transparent-twilight-s….png) ImgOps Google
She's alive. Thank goodness. Crisis line sent cops and an ambulance to her house to pick her up. She's been at the asylum for a week.
But she's alive
No.15757
File: 1666152412220.png (464.04 KB, 900x900, 1:1, 2963095__safe_artist-colon….png) ImgOps Google
>>15752A scary week then, but it's good you finally got word.
No.15759
File: 1666865561526.png (1.06 MB, 1095x730, 3:2, B7B0F4F2-3490-416B-B9BA-5E….png) ImgOps Google
About 3 in the morning here.
Gonna do some fucking hypnosis, dude. That shit feels hella good.
No.15760
File: 1666886181456.jpeg (4.55 KB, 215x235, 43:47, images (1).jpeg) ImgOps Google
I'm stuck in my head today. A whirlwind of thoughts are swirling around. What if I'm a lie? Are the things I want to say just things I hoped would get someone's attention? Did I trick myself into thinking I was something that could relate to the people around me so that they might talk to me? Did I make up this thought hoping it would be a good enough lie? Do I want to be broken so badly? Would that make me feel better? Maybe I just wish I could feel what others feel when they bring me their pain. If I could just tell them they're not alone... Do I just want to not be alone? Do I lie so that I can pretend I'm not alone? Why do I feel alone? Do I not have friends? But is that friendship built on a lie? Is that what I am? A series of lies?
Is the part of me I call separate from myself just the part that I covered with a lie because the world didn't want it? Or am I the one who had to make up another piece of me that looked like someone worth helping? I don't remember most of my past. I have to make it up all the time. And I usually get it wrong. Did I make up the trauma? Did I make up the suicide? Did I make up the dysphoria? Does it even matter anymore. False or not the memories are there. Aren't they?
I don't want to be a lie. I don't want to pretend to need help either. Maybe I'm just tired today. I don't know what's what. My head lies to me too often. I feel like I want a hug. I want to feel like I'm me. I want to be able to believe myself beyond a shadow of a doubt. Maybe I just need some sugar.
No.15761
File: 1666894393085.jpeg (4.37 KB, 217x232, 217:232, images (2).jpeg) ImgOps Google
I'm boring.
I can't hold a conversation in threads, like everyone else can. Because I'm bored and I'm boring.
No.15762
File: 1666898677363.png (2.37 MB, 3065x2061, 3065:2061, 609E7C1B-ADA5-40BA-8C83-DB….png) ImgOps Google
>>15761Need a hug? I could sure use one.
No.15763
File: 1666914685634.jpg (141.96 KB, 680x780, 34:39, 59d13081739756e6db14b23e52….jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
>>15762hugs are appreciated, I guess. How are you?
No.15764
File: 1666916591941.png (798.46 KB, 1804x1014, 902:507, A20B77AE-B938-442D-A608-2B….png) ImgOps Google
>>15763Doing fine now, probably.
I had some very strange dreams from my perspective. Would preferably keep that to myself. Also wondering how low Meta shares will go on the Nasdaq. Might consider getting some later. I had the foresight to see that it would flop. Also been chatting with some friends and thinking of playing some Fallout.
No.15765
File: 1666918976080.png (328.09 KB, 800x600, 4:3, medium.png) ImgOps Google
>>15764I've never been good at stocks. Do a bit of trading currency, but it's not making much progress, and it's mostly a small hobby to learn the concept.
Games sounds fun. Do you have a favorite?
No.15766
File: 1666919973749.jpeg (46.27 KB, 509x412, 509:412, BEAF061D-0D35-4701-B418-3….jpeg) ImgOps Google
>>15765BF4 is among my most favorite games. I really enjoyed the campaign. Battlefield 2042 could have done better upon release.
No.15767
File: 1666933499510.jpeg (73.71 KB, 525x368, 525:368, DCE9D476-BFFB-48CC-8C26-E….jpeg) ImgOps Google
I feel like a cuckboy.
Well, goodnight.
No.15769
File: 1667015216528.jpg (78.84 KB, 355x884, 355:884, Sneaky.jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
>>15768Oh, no reason. Actually, I have the answer. But I don't want to say it.
No.15770
File: 1667051315845.jpg (589.04 KB, 1074x1517, 1074:1517, 1489808092200.jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
>>15769I understand. You've always been nervous about sharing too much. I hope you're doing alright
No.15771
File: 1667330055721.png (193.6 KB, 750x750, 1:1, d7m1pe9-1d56362f-a704-4357….png) ImgOps Google
You ever get so tired you start having some really twisted thoughts you wouldn't otherwise allow?
I'm thinking about some stuff I can't say on this site
No.15772
File: 1667348589182.png (6.88 MB, 1813x2172, 1813:2172, Comm 10-2-22.png) ImgOps Google
>>15771>I'm thinking about some stuff I can't say on this siteYou and me both.
No.15773
File: 1667401228974.jpeg (104.99 KB, 640x640, 1:1, ab67616d0000b27347811d665….jpeg) ImgOps Google
>>15772Perhaps when I return to discord, you could share those thoughts. I'd certainly love to hear them
No.15774
File: 1667914138190.png (445.17 KB, 819x1024, 819:1024, large.png) ImgOps Google
Turns out I have a lot of unresolved issues with my dad. I nearly broke down in group therapy today. I also learned I'm not comfortable crying in front of those guys. Fuck me this hurts.
No.15775
File: 1667925382845.png (193.6 KB, 750x750, 1:1, d7m1pe9-1d56362f-a704-4357….png) ImgOps Google
Is this what disassociating feels like? I'm just drifting through time, not really here. Things are going on around me. My hands are moving. Work is getting done. But I'm just in the background. Just watching myself work through my own eyes. While someone else runs the controls. I'm not really here.
No.15776
File: 1668039874081.jpeg (112.01 KB, 1200x1044, 100:87, 54647532.jpeg) ImgOps Google
>>15774Never really connected well with my parents.
>>15775It's a weird feeling. It was a coping mechanism for me to escape pain.
Even though I'm a bit of a misanthrope, I somehow don't want to see such people going through mental turmoil.
No.15777
File: 1668451144884.png (105.56 KB, 401x600, 401:600, medium.png) ImgOps Google
This is fucking big.
growing up I used to think my dad hated me because he always looked at me with disdain, and nothing I did ever seemed to be good enough for him. Well, it came up in group therapy, that there are parts of my past I've hidden from myself, that I don't fully remember, and I decided to talk to my dad about it.
I told him everything, about why I'm in therapy, and about what we think might be hidden. And of course that I now know he never hated me, but was just frustrated. He told me about something I never knew about, because I wouldn't have understood it at the time. I wasn't the only one in my family who got treated poorly by other members of our church growing up. It was all of us: me, my brothers, my mother, even my dad. They didn't like us, and I'm not sure why, but we were all mistreated. He was only hard on us because he was afraid of giving the others any reason to have us all removed from the church. This extended to school. I remember being bullied, but I didn't know I was nearly expelled several times. More than once each year. My mother, but my Dad especially, fought to keep me in school, while trying to find ways to teach me to fit in well enough that he wouldn't need to fight so hard with the school.
I thought he hated me, or just had impossible standards. Turns out my dad was my biggest hero all along. And I never knew.
No.15778
File: 1668472727341.png (404.79 KB, 600x600, 1:1, 57369844.png) ImgOps Google
>>15777I really hope things turn out good for you. Wouldn't prefer to see you with much trouble.
No.15780
File: 1668706914661.jpg (266.01 KB, 2147x2735, 2147:2735, df94uzz-134ce57a-3218-4544….jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
I feel rather muted today. As though the volume's been turned down on my emotions. I'm just watching myself through a window.
No.15781
File: 1669157962168.jpg (204.6 KB, 1740x1440, 29:24, Meow meow now you'll bleed.jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
>>15780I call it the "Haze."
No.15782
File: 1669650104021.png (105.56 KB, 401x600, 401:600, medium.png) ImgOps Google
>>15781Not a bad name for it. I feel hazy today too.
There's an overwhelming sense that I'm missing something. But I can't put my finger on what. I want to talk to someone, but I'm not sure what about. What would I even want to say? What would I want them to say? I don't know. I just don't want to be alone. I don't know what I expect that to accomplish. I just want someone here
No.15784
File: 1669778002929.png (778.36 KB, 616x963, 616:963, 8732649143.png) ImgOps Google
>>15782For some reason, I have an urge to give you a cozy scarf.
Eheheh.... um, not sure what to say myself. But I try to be there for my friends.
No.15786
File: 1669862847981.png (395.89 KB, 1190x1024, 595:512, Then we will.png) ImgOps Google
>>15782Feelings can be tricky like that. Though you seem to be going through some notable tumult lately.
I tend to isolate myself when the haze envelopes me.
>>15783You did seem a bit more at ease just with me being around this month.
No.15787
File: 1669905558935.jpg (113.82 KB, 800x1778, 400:889, HD-wallpaper-helluva-boss-….jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
I am healing
No.15824
File: 1671204193146.png (193.6 KB, 750x750, 1:1, d7m1pe9-1d56362f-a704-4357….png) ImgOps Google
>tfw a song reminds you of someone you miss so badly it still hurts years later
Hello sadness, my old friend
No.15825
File: 1671206647432.png (812.84 KB, 5000x5273, 5000:5273, Concoction.png) ImgOps Google
>>15824Still trying to get reacquainted with my acoustic guitar so I can play that one song for you.
No.15826
File: 1671210813116.png (105.56 KB, 401x600, 401:600, medium.png) ImgOps Google
>>15825There was a song? Oh, yes. I look forward to hearing it
No.15827
File: 1671211440657.jpg (292.29 KB, 1571x1704, 1571:1704, Octavia.(Helluva.Boss).ful….jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
Have you ever wanted to cry but you can't, because you're in completely the wrong place for it
No.15828
File: 1671211941799.jpg (42.48 KB, 736x646, 368:323, e349d369cc23c77e7280bc446e….jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
I tell myself I don't need her because saying I want her back only highlights how much she's not coming back. People leave. It's part of life. They just leave you behind like you never mattered and they don't care that your heart is shattered and you get to pick up the pieces on your own, and you keep finding them years later, and it's never enough. And you just have to move on because it's never going to be the way it was, and wishes don't come true. I don't need her. I'm fine. I can move on.
But it's a lie. I'm not fine. I don't know how to move on. I don't want to. I want her back. I want to talk to her again. I want to Walk on the beach again. I want my life to feel more like a collection of leaves than a jagged strip with all the dying parts cut off.
I want to cry. I want to let her go. But in the same breath. I want her back.
No.15829
File: 1671218572796.png (3.15 MB, 1496x2475, 136:225, 459278633732.png) ImgOps Google
>>15827I suppose.
I only detach from my emotions in response to stress these days.
>>15828I would give you a hug if I was there with you.
No.15830
File: 1671231009703.jpg (141.96 KB, 680x780, 34:39, 59d13081739756e6db14b23e52….jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
>>15829you say that like stress is a rare thing
and I would welcome a hug, but unfortunately there's a few of your system mates who have advised me to feel unsafe with a physical interaction
No.15831
File: 1671238138221.png (1.65 MB, 2880x1440, 2:1, Perhaps this is love.png) ImgOps Google
>>15830Not too rare for me, but it's good enough.
Heheh, yup, I can't really change much of that..
No.15832
File: 1671253544039.png (8.92 MB, 3508x4961, 3508:4961, 2972242__grimdark_artist-c….png) ImgOps Google
>>15824>>15827>>15828Moments like that tend to hurt just as bad for the rest of one's life, just less often. I know very few who truly move on from their hurt.
No.15833
File: 1671291375432.png (152.74 KB, 1199x1024, 1199:1024, 1395273824166.png) ImgOps Google
>>15828 Are you doing any better? What happened?
No.15835
File: 1671294270685.jpg (287.03 KB, 728x546, 4:3, cute haruhi 1.jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
>>15832>>15833Doing better today. Spent the whole night on the couch with my wife, watching Naruto and consuming copious amounts of sweets.
No.15836
File: 1671296770787.jpeg (105.97 KB, 768x1024, 3:4, 576.jpeg) ImgOps Google
>>15835 sounds like a nice evening. What are you doing today?
No.15864
Writing this letter to my former friend feels more euphoric than I thought it would have any right to be.
Steve
I think I understand why you and I have been "at odds" for the last eight years. For our entire friendship. I was the one who needed help. I was small, and weak, and insecure. When I went to boot camp, I learned to shed off those qualities. I am not small now. I am not weak now. I am not insecure now.
But I wonder if you might still see me that way. I wonder if you think I'm being fake because I don't need you anymore the way I once did. I wonder if maybe you're struggling to accept that.
I think you have made several attempts to reassert that paradigm over the last few years. Claiming to practice a magic I can't use, criticizing every romantic relationship I enter into, insisting I take your financial advice, beating me over the head with your knowledge of politics, insisting that everyone but you is too sensitive, accusing me of being sensitive and demanding, and now claiming that I am lying to myself about who I am. Do you realize that you've been gaslighting me for over a decade?
You weren't always this way. I remember a day in 7th grade when you came and begged me to sit with you at lunch. You admitted fault, and apologized for the actions that hurt me. I recall in 8th grade, when you gave up your own money to replace a souvenir mug I had bought for myself and then broken. I remember a man of loyalty, who would jump to fight anyone who insulted or mistreated me. I miss that man. I loved him dearly.
And maybe you just miss the boy I was, because protecting him made you feel powerful. Steve, I'm not the scared little boy you once knew. I am a grown man. I am a Marine. I am a husband. I am a skilled tradesman. And I have my own issues to deal with, but I'm dealing with them, and I'd like to ask you to do the same.
This however, is no longer my issue. I have given you every grace now that I can afford. You have hurt me and someone I care about, you have disrespected me and my wife, and you have thrice now refused to make amends. Every attempt to repair our friendship has been met with deflection, insults, and blame. This is not my problem, Steve. This is your problem. You broke our friendship, and it is your responsibility to fix it, or accept that we won't be speaking anymore.
I don't know what you're dealing with, but I hope you'll get help. I love you, I wish you the best, and I hope to hear from the man I knew in Highschool, whenever he returns.
Until then, I love you, and Goodbye.
No.15865
File: 1674588208325.jpeg (4.37 KB, 217x232, 217:232, images (2).jpeg) ImgOps Google
If it was all his fault. And breaking free felt so good...
Why do I feel so sad?
No.15866
File: 1674635058316.jpg (2.18 MB, 2388x2664, 199:222, Voices.jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
>>15864>>15865Excisising someone from your life, especially someone you are accustomed to the presence of is very likely going to cause some distress even if on a rational level you recognize it as a good thing for yourself. It's different from drifting apart because when the drift happens, you have become adjusted to their absence over a period of time.
So while I cannot judge your feelings for you, it could be it's a sense of loss, rather than sadness in particular you are feeling. If you are concerned that you've been getting gaslit, this could be an opportunity to self-inquire on the nuances of what you're feeling right now.
No.15867
File: 1674653198473.jpg (42.48 KB, 736x646, 368:323, e349d369cc23c77e7280bc446e….jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
>>15866Yeah that makes sense. This guy's been my best friend for the majority of my life. He's basically family. I've been ignoring so much for so many years. But he hurt my wife. I can't ignore that. I never thought he would do this to me.
Yeah I'm just grieving the loss of someone who was a huge contributor to my understanding of social Nuance. I also hate letting go of people in general. I will put up with a lot before I give someone the boot, and even then I'm never happy about it.
No.15868
File: 1674984814398.png (404.76 KB, 600x657, 200:219, asadaffaf.png) ImgOps Google
>>15864 Have you heard anything back?
No.15872
File: 1675242168365.jpg (264.45 KB, 850x584, 425:292, 703282.jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
>>15870 I wouldn't either, but it's possible.
>>15871 I don't fully understand, but I hope things get better for you. sounds like you've been under a lot of stress.
No.15874
File: 1675268947667.png (160.75 KB, 974x1024, 487:512, asasafaf.png) ImgOps Google
>>15873 Is this a new development? I'm not scared, just surprised to hear this. Are you ok?
No.15876
File: 1675270159287.jpeg (701.27 KB, 960x1024, 15:16, assafafaf.jpeg) ImgOps Google
>>15875 I just noticed that. Is your wife aware? Or does it not impact your other relationships?
No.15878
File: 1675275901407.png (563.64 KB, 715x827, 715:827, 139527332050.png) ImgOps Google
>>15877 I can't imagine what that must be like. I hope all of you feel comfortable posting here.
No.15879
File: 1675298033068.png (310.28 KB, 600x600, 1:1, 786954435.png) ImgOps Google
>>15873That's an interesting aspect.
Well.. if it helps you to function, then I'm all for it.
No.15948
File: 1689977384159.png (7.37 MB, 2250x5000, 9:20, 098647.png) ImgOps Google
So tired, yet proud of myself to a degree.
No.15950
File: 1690003344642.png (3.33 MB, 2126x3000, 1063:1500, flurry15.png) ImgOps Google
>>15949I'm making progress and not giving in to debauchery which would be harmful.
No.15952
File: 1690007506064.png (778.36 KB, 616x963, 616:963, 8732649143.png) ImgOps Google
>>15951You know, I'm glad you asked. Um, I'm not shy about it these days. I'm proud of not cutting my wrists for quite some time. It just felt so good... I also don't masturbate as much despite feeling traumatized about it. Well, I still do it in an unusual manner, like with a
stainless steel urethral sound. Some people turn to drugs and alcohol, but I dislike doing that. I compensate with other actions. I have my own weird history in life
hahah... No.15954
File: 1690009028588.png (45.87 KB, 1915x1295, 383:259, 2573866__safe_artist-colon….png) ImgOps Google
>>15953Yeah, I'm a weirdo, but I strive to improve regardless.
No.15956
File: 1690010311184.jpg (225.4 KB, 2048x2048, 1:1, What in gods name is this ….jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
>>15955Thanks. I'm going to continue to listen to music before I wrap up the night.
I found this cool piece that I want to share with you.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s03JXzRx5-AI really like this one. Found it recently. I like all kinds of music. It can range from Gymnopedie all the way to Magnolia from Playboi.
No.15958
File: 1690069044607.png (2.73 MB, 1711x951, 1711:951, Fishing_.png) ImgOps Google
>>15957I appreciate our chatter from last night.
Your company is a pleasure. Had some relaxing dreams about playing Fallout 4. Though the mysterious stranger that was supposed to help me apparently gave Overboss Colter some extra health. A weird, but fun dream.
No.15959
>>15958the pleasure is mine
are fallout dreams usual?
No.15960
File: 1690079662743.png (404.79 KB, 600x600, 1:1, IMG_6430.png) ImgOps Google
>>15959Not quite. The most common ones involve me losing my free will. I could've sworn I had normal dreams when I was younger. Like, they're not even nightmares. Just someone else controlling the body. I don't even know what to think about it. The last one was about some master in a mansion and I was their pet. The one before that was some hypnotist training me to dissociate into whatever mindscape I'm suppose to have. Interesting, but not very fun dreams....But I do recall being a cloaker from that Payday 2 game helping Lester from GTA 5 complete a hack into a data center. Now that's a fun dream!
No.15962
File: 1690084131849.jpeg (143.31 KB, 1200x1200, 1:1, IMG_7293.jpeg) ImgOps Google
>>15961To an extent, but I kind of got used to it these days.
Hope you sleep well.
No.15964
File: 1690114318642.jpg (225.4 KB, 2048x2048, 1:1, What in gods name is this ….jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
It's about 5 in the morning and I'm wearing a hooded sweatshirt. I kind of like it when I forget I ran the A/C for too long.
>>15963Um, do you engage with investments? This is my particular area of interest.
No.15966
File: 1690159698083.png (137.06 KB, 1555x1286, 1555:1286, IMG_7333.png) ImgOps Google
>>15965Portfolio income has favorable tax rates at least in the United States compared to earned income. I tell people the safest investment would be a monthly contribution to an index fund that tracks an S&P 500 index. The annualized return is about 10 percent with dividends reinvested according to history. An index fund is diversified, which inherently carries less risk than an individual stock. You don't even need to obtain one share. Fractional shares are a thing. The idea is to let your gains compound in an index fund through the decades without selling a single share. Day traders don't have favorable tax advantages, and I recommend most people to not become a pattern day trader. I day trade because I want to make a large sum within my youth. Other people should just let their money compound through the decades, ideally in a Roth IRA. Becoming a day trader was one of the best decisions I've made, but most people don't make the cut. It can be quite stressful.
No.15970
File: 1690174615049.png (375.42 KB, 2100x2100, 1:1, 784392.png) ImgOps Google
>>15969Respectable. It's sometimes good that people avoid stress.
No.15972
File: 1690179785357.jpg (225.4 KB, 2048x2048, 1:1, What in gods name is this ….jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
>>15971I favor friends from higher socioeconomic classes, which means I've developed bonds with the right people. They gave me the proper orientation and assured me a way to move up the ladder, given that I put in the effort and remain consistent. I feel this wouldn't be possible if my host didn't have me. They have different tastes. And I've seen the struggles people go through first-hand to live a good life. My goal is to achieve upper class status. That feels like a good purpose in life, I think. And I'm the one who's going to do that. I mean, I can elaborate more.. but I should get some sleep now.
No.15974
File: 1690341671771.png (1.35 MB, 1000x875, 8:7, relaxing liminal space.png) ImgOps Google
>>15973I really do wish I was more open. I also hope I'm willing to be more transparent to my beloved friend from Canada. Such a kind and thoughtful individual. He deserves the best. I sometimes thought silence was golden. Felt safer that way. I'm looking forward to traveling the world and expressing my deep feelings with him. I know I can make that a reality, given enough time and patience. I'm not perfect, but I aspire to try my best within my means. I know the journey will be worth it despite any conflict that may occur. I'm sometimes curious about the endeavors of other people.
No.15976
File: 1690410311714.jpg (37.35 KB, 431x545, 431:545, 8746329.jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
>>15975He's always been there for me even when I feel at my lowest. Known him for a few years and sent him gifts. I implored him to not reciprocate when I send him something nice. His companionship is always a pleasure. Say, he went to the extent of saying that he would give me his kidney.. Quite unexpected, but it feels good to know that he values me so highly. I'm confident our relationship will last a lifetime.
So, I met him in a shady community and we talked about our traumas. What we've been through, who we know, and our hopes and dreams. I've never met someone else so relatable. I insist that I not go too into detail, but it is my pleasure to share what I can.
No.15978
File: 1690421355585.png (85.08 KB, 270x460, 27:46, Untitled272_20230725233314.png) ImgOps Google
>>15977Do you have a favorite beverage you like to drink in particular? I have a tendency to ask people that.
No.15980
File: 1690431576639.png (45.87 KB, 1915x1295, 383:259, 2573866__safe_artist-colon….png) ImgOps Google
>>15979Seems good. Typically a good source of antioxidants.
I really enjoy those small Red Bull cans, though I'm trying to make a habit of drinking more white tea.
No.15981
File: 1690528319252.jpg (280.09 KB, 1954x2301, 1954:2301, 3035380__safe_artist-colon….jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
I downed a Summer Edition Red Bull at midnight. Fuck it. It's Friday anyways. That's some good stuff. I only want to stay up for three hours on the markets. And I'm googling how to fix sexual trauma, because I'd probably have a hissy fit talking to my doctor about it. Who can I trust.
No.15982
>>15980>>15981I'll have a red bull when I need energy to work longer.
You don't feel comfortable talking with the doctor?
No.15983
File: 1690627512349.png (257.35 KB, 906x1024, 453:512, IMG_7347.png) ImgOps Google
>>15982I'm really not. Wish I had a better experience with mental health workers in the past. I don't want to go through that again. Jeez, you should see me when I'm heavily triggered. Not a pretty sight. I sometimes look back and ask myself if that was really me. I zoned out on my last appointment and the doc had to cut the appointment early. Heh, serves them right. I guess I'm fine the way I am. Maybe.
No.15985
File: 1690675321917.png (2.33 MB, 2020x2304, 505:576, Untitled273_20230729162634.png) ImgOps Google
>>15984I see. Glad he found a better alternative. Can't go wrong with some good exercise. I'm confident that I'll manage nonetheless. Doing some meditation keeps me in line, but it's not the perfect technique I would say.
No.15986
>>15985It isn't perfect, but the meditation helps?
How do you do it, if I may ask?
No.15987
File: 1690678653651.jpg (225.4 KB, 2048x2048, 1:1, What in gods name is this ….jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
>>15986It's a system of trial and error. I don't expect it to work for everyone.
You could do it sitting down, but I prefer to lay down. I breathe through my nose and out my mouth 10 consecutive times in a slow manner. Focusing very closely with each inhale and exhale. Ideally in a dark room with my eyes closed. I try to clear my mind and become aware of every feeling in the body. Then I proceed to do the complete opposite once I'm well acquainted with every feeling from my body and detach from those sensations and everything starts to feel numb while I'm focusing on my mindscape. I just imagine an island with a beautiful orange sunset as well as hearing the waves clashing. It's a peaceful feeling.
It's quite intuitive and is something you would have to experiment several times with.
No.15989
File: 1690866686920.png (792.35 KB, 1000x1438, 500:719, IMG_7291.png) ImgOps Google
You know, I am quite grateful to have met everyone in this thread. Such good people even though we have our flaws. I have this happy sleepy feeling at the moment.
No.15990
File: 1691237594308.png (905.17 KB, 861x1024, 861:1024, Really now.png) ImgOps Google
>>15989Nice of you to say.
No.15991
File: 1691238409122.png (2.43 MB, 3050x2943, 3050:2943, IMG_7225.png) ImgOps Google
>>15990Mhm, my pleasure.
God, I'm such a high functioning fudge up.
No.15993
File: 1691387978691.png (85.08 KB, 270x460, 27:46, Untitled272_20230725233314.png) ImgOps Google
>>15992There's people that call me too smart for my own good, my doctor...um psychologist that says I'm very smart, all these compliments to indicate I possess good competency..
But then I feel like some sort of broken thing stripped of their sense of self and reduced to like a f*cktoy. It's not normal. Though I can bring a facade of normalcy. I don't wish for people to know the real me. Whatever, I'm glad to be the most functional part.
No.15995
File: 1691389913394.jpeg (98.48 KB, 752x1087, 752:1087, IMG_7305.jpeg) ImgOps Google
>>15994Psh, probably, pal.
I feel like all kinds of things.
Just don't call me cutesy or innocent or something like that. Had enough mindf*ckery done to me.
Good lord, am I really making a conversation.
No.15996
File: 1691390948943.png (257.35 KB, 906x1024, 453:512, IMG_7347.png) ImgOps Google
That reminds me...
I really have to focus on programming endeavors.
Would go great in tandem with the foreign exchange, I bet.
No.15997
>>15995I've never hid my face from heavy topics. It has messed up my ability to interact, to a degree.
>>15996What are you programming in?
No.15998
File: 1691391934847.jpeg (195.39 KB, 900x1107, 100:123, IMG_6489.jpeg) ImgOps Google
>>15997Okay then.
Python for algorithms. I'm really not that good, but given time I should be a lot better.
No.16000
File: 1691405563114.jpeg (260.07 KB, 1500x886, 750:443, IMG_7277.jpeg) ImgOps Google
>>15999Shit, I know there's lots of room. I had a desire to pursue a PhD. But I'm only seeking to make a profit like a gud boi
Okay, pardon my profanity. I just need to sleep more.
No.16006
File: 1694669823436.jpeg (172.38 KB, 600x600, 1:1, IMG_6414.jpeg) ImgOps Google
So um, Raindrops...
I was talking to your systemmate not long ago.
She's an absolute pleasure to talk to.
If there's any questions you'd like to talk about, hit me up on the DM.
No.16064
File: 1700491733686.jpeg (4.37 KB, 217x232, 217:232, images (2).jpeg) ImgOps Google
God what is it I've missed out on this path you sent me on
My heart and mind and soul are telling me you built me wrong
Could you please just send me back Lord, and do it right this time.
I don't need to know what's coming, just let my body match my mind.
This is my heart song to you
Let me write what's on my heart Lord
And let me hear what's on yours
Lord you promised me a daughter
With a fire in her eyes
Will I never carry her into this world with my cries?
You promised me a lover who would see into my soul.
She's lying here beside me why do I still not feel whole?
My eyes are full of tears Lord
But the world won't let me cry
Am I the one who's broken
Or are they the ones who lie?
If this is who I'm meant to be then why did all my best friends leave
Why is it You've cursed me with this life
I was made to fill a purpose. Was I given too a life? Lord you've made me a strong husband, when I longed to be a wife.
I am grateful for the beauty that you've shown me in this world. But since you long to hear my heart Lord...
I always wanted to be, my mother's little girl.
No.16066
File: 1700498814415.jpeg (4.55 KB, 215x235, 43:47, images (1).jpeg) ImgOps Google
I always had to leave my friends behind to use the can
And if I'd start to miss them I'd hear "don't cry little man"
Seemed like all the girls I used to play with every day,
One day didn't want me around unless they thought I was gay
I never really felt like I understood the way
The boys would always have their fun by calling each other names
Allie, Danielle, Alexandra, Lindsey and Casey too, Sarah, Callie, Daria, Shannon, Megan, I miss you.
Ed and Steve and Anthony they never really knew. I miss the friends I used to have before my body grew.
I know I'm blessed. I know you love me, I want you in my life. I'm grateful for the woman you have given me for a wife.
I guess God what I'm saying is that I don't hate this world
I just miss the things I lost because I wasn't born a girl
No.16067
File: 1700544774181.jpg (297.13 KB, 1560x2048, 195:256, FJtfpwHacAI1GAA.jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
No.16068
File: 1700827096945.png (471.16 KB, 700x600, 7:6, IMG_3316.png) ImgOps Google
I hope you had a fine Thanksgiving, droplets.
No.16109
File: 1704771970889.jpg (404.81 KB, 1614x1440, 269:240, 345679374324.jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
I'm actually doing quite fine, guys.
My standards are just pushed way too high.
But this post will serve as a reminder to me that I should feel horrible if I don't make significant advancements by 27.
No.16114
File: 1704821717982.png (599.05 KB, 1024x768, 4:3, 345254743423.png) ImgOps Google
>>16113Nah lol.
I saw it in a good light.
I just wanted to establish a goal here.
No.16120
File: 1705340309398.jpg (502.45 KB, 1667x2600, 1667:2600, 1932304.jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
I suddenly have the desire to get raped in a basement. I'm not saying I deserve it or anything...
I hope a lot of people don't read what I said
No.16121
File: 1705359559040.jpeg (118.03 KB, 896x1072, 56:67, 1704743220530.jpeg) ImgOps Google
Fuck, I feel a lot better now. My bad. I just hate fronting sometimes.
No.16128
File: 1708953840614.png (407.05 KB, 755x671, 755:671, E1r7VpdXsAEJCr-.png) ImgOps Google
I'm literally a degenerate, huh.
No.16131
File: 1709011758488.png (193.6 KB, 750x750, 1:1, in the dark.png) ImgOps Google
I am empty. I am the dark
No.16138
File: 1709046381508.jpg (187.04 KB, 1920x1080, 16:9, sad-person-in-snow-igi9v98….jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
I'm all alone
Sailing to the island
This is my home
I don't want to be found
Beyond the foam
The world will not remember
I am a feather
Drifting through the sound
No.16139
File: 1709055797336.jpg (6.78 MB, 3024x4032, 3:4, PXL_20230624_194015743.MP.jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
A single grain of sand I shift
A single pebble I set adrift
A single stone I bend and lift
The current will not cease
I cannot move the mouth or head
I can only adjust the bed
If a single thirsty soul is fed
I will be at peace
No.16152
File: 1711375415759.jpeg (101.59 KB, 780x1080, 13:18, 8546853278644.jpeg) ImgOps Google
>>16151Let it all out, oneesan.
No.16153
File: 1711558252215.jpg (266.01 KB, 2147x2735, 2147:2735, df94uzz-134ce57a-3218-4544….jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
Ten years ago I was employed by Bronycon. I had energy and ambition, I was respected by everyone I knew. I felt as though I held the world in my hand, and I had a cheery optimism that just never quit. People on Bronycon staff said there was no question I was the living embodiment of Pinkie Pie.
I feel as though my energy is gone, I'm afraid of ambition, I'm so fragile I can't even run anymore, and I feel depressed all the time.
How much ten years can change. I want to return to where I was. I am certain I can do it after I learn how. I wonder what lifted me to such heights, what brought me down, and how I can get around the new challenges I face.
Or perhaps that chapter is over and I should write a new one. Can it be happy too? Am I even the same person, with the same desires?
Perhaps my foundation is flawed. Would my optimism return if my finances turned around? I feel no less free than I did then. Has my perspective shifted to something untenable? How can I return to unquenchable optimism and ambition?
No.16154
File: 1711602724676.png (3.13 MB, 1133x1600, 1133:1600, f622223bf3f9a8b24889ddf5bb….png) ImgOps Google
>>16153>I feel as though my energy is gone, I'm afraid of ambition, I'm so fragile I can't even run anymore, and I feel depressed all the time.I wish I could coddle you from all this. Whatever path you may choose I will try my utmost to support it. I just want you to realize you have someone watching your back when the going gets tough. Though I can even go to the extent of understanding if you want to leave some friends to forge a seemingly better path. I just don't wish for you to feel this way.
No.16156
File: 1711645159678.jpg (242.01 KB, 1300x1074, 650:537, That is a disaster waiting….jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
>>16153>I feel as though my energy is gone, I'm afraid of ambition, I'm so fragile I can't even run anymore, and I feel depressed all the time.Injury?
No.16158
File: 1711892083036.png (2.74 MB, 1500x1850, 30:37, Brazilian Santos.png) ImgOps Google
>>16157If you can't run because of an injury.
No.16164
File: 1714571847460.jpeg (7.44 KB, 217x232, 217:232, images.jpeg) ImgOps Google
Sometimes I wonder if anger is so hot because grief feels so cold.
It doesn't even feel like I have a right to grieve someone who's not dead. I just miss my friend. I'm still angry at him, and I don't know why he won't apologize. And I don't know why I'm thinking about this today, or why today it hit me so hard. It's been years. I thought I got all of this out years ago. Why does this still hurt? And why now?
It's 73F/23C outside, and I'm wearing three layers of clothing because I'm ice cold and I can't focus at work because all I can think about is how much I miss my former best friend whom I'm not talking to for something he still refuses to apologize for.
No.16166
File: 1714907867895.jpg (221.92 KB, 1920x1080, 16:9, 272042262814372752.jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
Glad I don't have to go to church at least. That crap was hard to avoid as a kid.
No.16170
File: 1714925532086.jpg (199.23 KB, 2000x1196, 500:299, 85716.jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
>>16169
Ah, hi boat. Sorry I had to drop your site like a hot coal. Was curious as to why you unfriended me on discord, but do as you wish. Just know that I'm not under any obligation to assist the hobbies of former friends.
No.16172
File: 1714939716114.jpg (2.96 MB, 4500x3000, 3:2, 2819025.jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
>>16171
It's alright. We must own up to the choices we make. I wish you well in your other endeavors, as long as it seems morally justified..
No.16175
File: 1715027441631.jpg (1.85 MB, 1000x1374, 500:687, 49857a9a6f5a7ed878dfb53.jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
>>16174
I appreciate you apologizing. But anyways, Nonny already sealed his fate. I'm afraid we can't be friends or even proper acquaintances. Hell, I never was his Discord friend nor did I even join a server of his. To be honest, he was suspicious from the start. His unbelievable display when Zeke was still around as developer was plenty of evidence for me about his mentality. Well, if there's any advice that could be given to him, it would be to drink less and cut down the weed. The only drug I take is caffeine, heh. Well, that and just microdosing estrogen. And if it's any consolation, I place greater trust on you compared to Nonny. Nonetheless, I must prioritize this site since I gave my word to Moony.
No.16180
File: 1715352525090.jpg (287.03 KB, 728x546, 4:3, cute haruhi 1.jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
Boat left?
Boat has a site?
I know I'm bad at checking up on people but man do I feel out of the loop here
No.16182
File: 1720851705445.jpg (63.67 KB, 736x736, 1:1, 38462728476272836462771b5.jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
>>16180>Boat has a site?Yes, and I wonder if that cesspool is still up. My very brief visitation a while back was greeted by a brilliant thread by the main developer complaining about one of his own mods. And I know exactly who that one is.. Since then, I had no further desire to check out the site in order to spare myself the potential disappointment of walking into possibly more incredible threads.
No.16184
File: 1720923066777.jpg (225.4 KB, 2048x2048, 1:1, What in gods name is this ….jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
>>16180It was fun for a bit, but I learned to set my priorities straight. By the way, I'm proud of you for not doing that bad thing today. Your host would've not liked it I imagine. I hope I can be less influential as an entirety.
No.16185
File: 1721150021350.png (146.71 KB, 805x1024, 805:1024, 5761447.png) ImgOps Google
>>16182 What the fuck is your goddamn problem?
I come back here after MONTHS and the very first thing I see, is you're still talking shit about me, my site, and the people you abandoned there after YOU didn't raise a single goddamn finger to do anything proactive in a place where literally anyone could have run the site any way they wanted. You could have helped make it the hugboxiest of hugboxes if you fucking wanted, and yet you didn't. And yet you have the gall to complain about how its run by those who actually step up to do something about it, and meanwhile invoke MOTHERFUCKING MOONY as the reason you scurried off to your rat hole, you duplicitous shitstain.
Eat shit and die.
No.16186
File: 1721150485571.gif (1.74 MB, 1080x1350, 4:5, dg78wx9-b4a94971-37af-41ce….gif) ImgOps Google
>>16182Have you ever thought about turning it on and off again?
No.16187
File: 1721151233664.jpg (65.82 KB, 850x562, 425:281, c16cd3dc4b7fc33cda1de89682….jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
>>1615310 years is an extremely long time. Emotions and physical states can often overlap and it can be a viscious cycle. Back in high school I used to be really into my physics class and I remember that there was a form of kinetic energy required to move a stationary object. A stationary object will move only if the applied force is greater than the friction force between the object and the ground.
Human beings can be sort of like that at times when it comes to motivation, happiness and satisfaction in one's life. I hate to sound like one of those toxic positivity people, but sometimes we need a push to get rolling in the first place; to get out of being stagnant and stationary.
This is the way of the warrior.
No.16188
File: 1721151600389.jpeg (20.54 KB, 271x358, 271:358, MzFyOGY2bWp2NGhiMXkkyfKna….jpeg) ImgOps Google
>>16170>>16175This is what an actual psychopath looks like. Not patrick Bateman, but rather someone cold and emotionless with no true sense of empathy for those around them. Someone who tries to manipulate their so called friends.
I might be an alcoholic and mean from time to time, but I am sincere and forgiving. Dorime.
No.16189
File: 1721222053286.jpeg (38.22 KB, 600x560, 15:14, 3846261773646262.jpeg) ImgOps Google
>>16188I think they would find it rather charming and adorable to be called a "psychopath", but at this point, they're just annoyed at the prospect.
No.16191
File: 1721253803271.jpeg (41.35 KB, 450x675, 2:3, Ashley thumbs up.jpeg) ImgOps Google
>>16189What do you mean by "They"? You and old Sacchy are literally the same person using two different names. As for being a psychopath, you fit the bill quite well. You pretend to be friendly with people, charming upon initial meeting, and inclusive when necessary; when it suits your needs. But the moment anyone does anything to cross you; even if it's the slightest hint of offense, you will cut them from your life and begin to cut those around you who are associated to the offender. In truth you don't feel a true connection to those around you as deeply as someone who isn't a psychopath would. You show traits of a
functional psychopath.It's actually quite ironic; after I snapped at you, you told me that you were glad I had shown my true colors or whatever, but as time has gone on you've absolutely shown to people that you're a wolf in disguise. You did me a favor in all reality. If I had continued to be your friend, I would have began to care about you and then actually gotten pretty hurt by your own manipulation and detachment.
One more thing:
>My very brief visitation a while back was greeted by a brilliant thread by the main developer complaining about one of his own mods. And I know exactly who that one is.. Since then, I had no further desire to check out the site in order to spare myself the potential disappointment of walking into possibly more incredible threads.No, you've made it very,
very clear that the reason you left was because I had yelled at you or whatever. Here's a bit of a tip: Gaslighting isn't a good look for you.
No.16192
File: 1721267389460.jpeg (1.14 MB, 2480x3508, 620:877, 1715191513807.jpeg) ImgOps Google
>>16191Astute observation if it suits you, doc.
>No, you've made it very, very clear that the reason you left was because I had yelled at you or whatever. Here's a bit of a tip: Gaslighting isn't a good look for you.Or whatever indeed....right.
I'm not entirely fragmented, but yeah, I suppose I had more than one issue in regards to sailboat's site.
One of them being his incompetence in regards to handling his mod team, and of course you... It was an absolute pleasure to leave the site nonetheless to allocate time for more important endeavors. Speaking of which, aren't you banned? Could've sworn I saw a thread about you drinking and claiming to commit an act of self-harm based on this site's mod team being allegedly rude towards your opinions. Sailboat here deserves no reply based on him talking about me eating feces and dying, which is against the rules I'm sure. If he isn't banned already, he ideally should be. All I see here is a goofball and an absolute genius telling me to die.
No.16195
File: 1721270093275.jpg (70.7 KB, 419x496, 419:496, 447e5ee2-20b7-4e32-9f2a-52….jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
>>16192Me? Is that suppose to hurt me? Interesting how that was never brought up as a personal issue until
after you stormed off in a hissy fit, and only after the person you were talking shit about (Sailboat) behind their back decided to say some things as well. No, I don't blame boat at all for telling you to fuck off. You kind of deserve that.
His mod team? You mean myself and the only one other person? It isn't much of a team, so much as it is just two other people volunteering their time to a place they care about. There isn't much to handle really. I offer an extra pair of eyes in case someone posts something illegal, and that's really about it. To be honest nobody really noticed or cared about your
disappearance because it wasn't that big of a deal.
>Aren't you banned right now?I'm not sure what you're talking about. That must have been a different Anon.
No.16197
File: 1721271975255.png (252.9 KB, 237x363, 79:121, afraid.png) ImgOps Google
>>16185um... sailboat? can we... talk? is there bad blood that i am not aware of? did i do something wrong?
let's talk together on discord, perhaps. i am having trouble finding you there. do you want me to share my info for you?
No.16198
File: 1721274290257.jpg (97.42 KB, 897x785, 897:785, Screenshot_20240519_115038….jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
>>16197I don't think he's mad at you. I'll get ahold of him tomorrow incase he doesn't see this thread for like a month or whatever.
No.16199
File: 1721280035098.jpg (83.55 KB, 500x333, 500:333, doo_doo_doo.jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
>>16192 I just want you to know, that as far as I'm concerned, /cartoon/ started going to shit the moment "all of you" showed up. Do you want to know the difference between us? I don't go into places you're sure to visit, and start talking about you "publicly" behind your back, telling everyone what a low life literal whore you are while pretending you aren't going to see it. And that's why I invited Nonny. He is, after all, a friend of mine, unlike yourself as you have previously stated.
If you want me banned, here's a tip, just keep sucking Moony's dick. Eventually you'll become a mod, and you can be the one wielding the ban hammer. Or better yet, use your nonexistent "cybersecurity" expertise that you won't shut up about to become a "developer", and then become a de facto mod that way. Don't worry, developers don't actually have to do any developing around here, so the fact that you don't know a goddamn thing won't be a detriment.
Honestly I wouldn't be surprised if you were the person coming by multiple times a day to spam CP, as the spammer clearly
has had beef with Nonny specifically.
>>16197 In the interests of maintaining the tiniest modicum of civility, I don't that is a good idea right now.
P.s. Hey Maxwell, remember that dog of mine that nearly bankrupted me with her vet bills 8 years ago that you so kindly loaned me money to keep alive, and that I paid you back with interest, and that you think means I'm forever indebted to you? That same dog is once again bankrupting me. And I'm about to spend the next... probably 17 hours dealing with her vet bullshit. But don't worry, I won't be asking you to borrow a dime. Because I don't want you bringing it up again in fucking 2037.
P.p.s. Maybe you should take a tiny fraction of your piles of money, and invest in an online course in
how to update the home page of ponyville. It's only been... 4 months! Wow how time flies.
P.p.p.s. You and your troglodyte "girlfriend" can both suck my dick.
P.p.p.p.s. Ok, you can ban me now! Bye!
No.16201
File: 1721280960305.jpeg (57 KB, 736x736, 1:1, 5c3a2e30-e27a-4dbe-9cf1-d….jpeg) ImgOps Google
>>16199Oh my god. You're talking as if you live with me dude. I'm not really offended. Nor do I see a benefit of posting cp. I'm just amazed at the level of
my composure in contrast to yours. Well, good luck at your life I guess.
No.16202
File: 1721281564098.jpg (70.7 KB, 419x496, 419:496, 447e5ee2-20b7-4e32-9f2a-52….jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
>>16201Wow, you actually fucked up multiple relationships in the span of a single day. Impressive. Anyway I don't care what anyone says I'm gonna haunt you forever as well. It'll be funny. I'll be there for every mistake you make, and I'll be laughing at the microdosing failed tranny who doesn't even know how estrogen actually works.
I actually feel really bad for you
No.16203
File: 1721282260834.jpg (64.55 KB, 1000x668, 250:167, 3355403__safe_artist-colon….jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
>>16199...
I can send you a bit of money for the vet bill. I keep money set aside for exactly this kind of thing. If you're getting scalped by those dirtbag fill-in vets I can't promise to cover it all, but I can put about $500 in your hand at least.
No.16204
>>16202You're not really offending me either and this is ridiculous, trust me.
Good luck to yourself too.
No.16205
File: 1721282675149.jpg (64.8 KB, 736x736, 1:1, rebecca deposit.jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
>>16203You're gonna send money for munchkin? Fuck, actually I respect that a lot. Munchkin deserves it. If you ride with her, I ride with you. Real nigga shit.
No.16209
File: 1721284378382.jpg (239.24 KB, 1832x2048, 229:256, 3339565__safe_artist-colon….jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
>>16205Boat's got enough stress as-is. I know it's been a hot minute since we've talked but I consider him my friend. So I'll help in the small way I can.
No.16210
File: 1721314291239.gif (1.74 MB, 1080x1350, 4:5, dg78wx9-b4a94971-37af-41ce….gif) ImgOps Google
>>16209Anyone who is a friend of munchkin (and boat of course) is a friend of mine.
No.16211
File: 1721317082885.gif (1.33 MB, 480x270, 16:9, Kirino laugh.gif) ImgOps Google
>>16204>Trust meI don't know you very well, but I know when you're seething. And once again you're going to betray your friends here because you don't have the mental fortitude to handle even the sight of someone who dares challenge your sovereignty. It would almost be adorable if you weren't actually hurting other people. Again, you're a psychopath who is trying to subtly tell the people here "I-IF NONNY DOESN'T GET BANNED I'M LEAVING!" It's a form of manipulation.
This is what happens when you improperly use estrogen; it causes you to become mentally unstable.
No.16212
>>16199...i don't understand... what happened? i thought we were good friends. did i do something wrong? are you sure we cannot talk about it, sailboat?
i don't mind if you are uncivil towards me. but... i really had no idea things were unwell between us.
...i am really, really sorry to hear about your dog, sailboat. i had... a similar thing happen to my dog, and she ended up passing. i will pray for your dog. maybe we can talk too, about her?
...there is a lot of hostility in the thread. i hope we can all be a bit friendlier towards each other. i apologize for crashing the party a bit, if i am.
No.16213
File: 1721321755917.png (3.22 MB, 1782x2067, 594:689, Super sayain neco.png) ImgOps Google
>>16212Conflict is actually quite healthy from time to time. It might not seem like it at the moment, but these are feelings that have probably been within held for a long time from both of their sides. I don't think boat hates you when he says Saccharine is trying to "Suck your dick." I
think he is frustrated with the clear shifting in friendships based on positions of power.
Composure and uncalloused and uncaring dismissal of emotion and previous friendships can hurt. It's frustrating when you find out someone never really cared in the first place and was likely never even capable. What ole' Sacchy Wasshy doesn't realize is that relationships in any regard are sacred and should be treated with genuine sincerity.
It'll be okay. Sometimes it's necessary for a deeper understanding within people. And if they never get along again, well at least they know where they stand.
I get it. It's a little sad. "Why can't we just get along?" These are questions that human beings have asked each other since the dawn of man's time.
https://swaggot.bandcamp.com/track/its-complicated-feat-sadfem-prod-forlxrnLet me work my black magic. Perhaps there is still a chance for peace and love.
No.16215
>>16199Good luck with your pupper!
I think the sticky post works well enough. Nobody else seems to have a problem
I don't have a girlfriend. Since I seem to live rent free in your mind, you should update that fact I guess
No.16217
File: 1721351279026.jpeg (142.76 KB, 1024x1024, 1:1, time to rock out with my ….jpeg) ImgOps Google
>>16203>>16209I really do appreciate the offer. However, I wouldn't feel right accepting it. I can borrow from other sources that won't cause as much burden as it might from you. Seriously, thank you though.
It has been a while. I hope you're doing well.
>>16212 I remember when you posted about your dog passing away; a sad day.
I wanted to cool off before possibly talking with you.
>>16215 On the off chance you are being sincere, thank you.
Yeah you're right. And that's why I shouldn't be here.
>>16216 My apologies. I agree.
No.16218
File: 1721360519336.gif (113.84 KB, 336x336, 1:1, 2469342.gif) ImgOps Google
>>16217If you're sure.
I'm okay. Busy! But okay.
No.16220
File: 1721494240139.jpg (238.71 KB, 667x800, 667:800, 112253.jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
>>16187bro... physics is like my first language. how did you know?
That makes so much fucking sense! Oh my goodness how did I never see it like that. like. of course it's going to take a ton of motivation to get me moving again when I've been stationary for so long. sure I came sliding in with a lot of kinetic energy but the friction I ran into ate it all up and it's going to take a lot to break static friction and then even more to get me back up to speed. like, you couldn't have chosen a more perfect analogy. thank you.
>>16192Lance, honey. I know you've been trying to be a likeable person, so can you stop muddying up my personal rant and support thread with your petty psychopathic bullshit? please and thank you.
>>16199I'm sorry about your dog. that makes me want to cry. and hug you.
>>16216I like this board
No.16221
File: 1721638509826.png (717.18 KB, 1280x1137, 1280:1137, Muffet.png) ImgOps Google
>>16220https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ULZkaoslGWkEmotions are a part of us. The good and the bad. It's healthy to have the ability to be sad. Sometimes it's even a little healthy to wallow in our own misery. The problem comes when we become motionless for far too long, like a wheel at rest. Whether it be through self-harm and self-destructive behaviors, depression, apathy, or some other combination of it all. Sometimes the first step is to look within and ask yourself: "What is it that you want?" What exactly are you feeling? And pick out the most painful details.
Emotional wounds are often like physical ones; the process of healing is often times more painful than the initial wound itself. Sometimes a wound gets infected and festers, and you've got the scrape off the gunk and before you can properly irrigate, disinfect, and clean it all out. Sometimes you have to let the blood flow before the healing can begin.
There will be times where you feel lonely. There are times where you might feel like you're slipping into the black abyss of a vast and freezing ocean, plunging down into the deepest and darkest trenches of her waters. Just try to remember that happiness implies misery; life implies death; and stagnation implies growth. These are fundamental truths; concepts in this
thing we call existence.
Here's a tip from a fellow kindred soul who has plenty of experience with pain: you don't have to go through it alone. It's okay to be by yourself and think these things through, but never forget that there are people who surround you in your life that might deeply care enough to help; even if it's something as simple as speaking with you, listening to music, or playing a game with you. It's okay to ask someone for a little push.
No.16226
>>16218 Thank you, and also for your support elsewhere.
>>16220 Let me know how it goes with the re-homing.
No.16227
File: 1721705357164.jpeg (4.37 KB, 217x232, 217:232, images (2).jpeg) ImgOps Google
I must have crossed a line with a friend and triggered her trauma or something and now she said she's going to remove me for a few years. History says she'll be back anywhere from a few days to a few months but I just hate everything right now. This sucks
No.16228
File: 1721722350408.gif (1.24 MB, 600x338, 300:169, zero two waltz.gif) ImgOps Google
>>16227https://youtu.be/44hIN73yXJs?feature=shared&t=212We all make mistakes. That is a part of the human experience. I can't offer words to 'fix' anything, because that isn't always how life words, but:
You can't control what others do in response to your own actions. All you can do is control is what you learn and how you're going to possibly fix it, even if fixing it means doing nothing at all. Everything is contexual. It may seem painful now, but there's an old mexican saying I know of: If you love a bird, you release it, and if it loves you back it will return. If it leaves forever, it found its own freedom; and if it returns then you will appriciate it more when it returns.
I don't know the circumstances, perhaps she needs some time to herself as well. She may be confused. Maybe you stepped over the line, or maybe she was a little to sensitive to the reality of whatever life has brought her. A place like this wants to think like is rainbows and sprinkles, but that isn't the reality of life. Life is full of pain; but it full of beauty as well. All you can do is accept the conflict and perhaps appreciate the little things you are granted in this life that are a blessing; be grateful. It will help. Write down everything you hate in life and in contrast everything you appreciate. Even if it is as little as possible like having a place to use the bathroom or clean water.
I know how it can be. I've mess up with a lot of people myself in the past, and honestly if you simply can admit your own mistakes; admit to them, and learn that whatever you did is unacceptable; and then learn from it, you may find yourself closer to happiness.
Just because the relationship ended doesn't mean you can't learn from your mistake. It is an opportunity to be a better person to those you may meet in the future. Sometimes you step in dog shit. All you can do is wash it off and hope for the best or get a new pair of shoes. The greatest apology you can give is to become a better person. Find the balance within your own life.
What I am getting at is that if you truly feel bad about it; apologize, hope for the best; and accept the consequences of your actions with grace, humility, and honor.
DON'T use it as an excuse to ruin your life. Nobody will respect that.
No.16232
File: 1721751911167.png (193.6 KB, 750x750, 1:1, d7m1pe9-1d56362f-a704-4357….png) ImgOps Google
>>16228Thanks. That's good advice. I think. It's hard to apologize to someone who blocked you though. Plus I did already and it didn't make any difference.
If one of your friends hurts one of your other friends, are you supposed to abandon one of them?
Also can I add you on discord?
No.16237
File: 1721780569560.jpg (141.96 KB, 680x780, 34:39, 59d13081739756e6db14b23e52….jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
>>16236
please don't start trouble in here. I don't think you understand anything about what is going on.
No.16239
File: 1721785130743.png (20.88 KB, 360x444, 30:37, pillow cry.png) ImgOps Google
>>16238
Why are you calling me an enemy? I asked if we could become friends, and you acted judgemental. You asked what happened, and I told you. You gave me a lecture I didn't want or need, and I tried to politely establish boundaries. Then you said "it doesn't hurt me" as though the conversation was even about you in the first place. I don't know what I did to make you think it was appropriate to attack me like that, and now you're accusing me of biting your hand, when all I did was ignore someone who clearly demonstrated they don't care about me. You obviously care enough to make this whole display, like you think you need to convince my friends I'm an asshole or something.
Now please stop projecting your shitty behavior onto me, and go away, or I can ask the modstaff to do something.
No.16240
File: 1721785419706.png (511.09 KB, 962x1013, 962:1013, Spinel scythe.png) ImgOps Google
>>16239>you acted judgemental.No, I did not. I was asking you genuine questions because I wanted to know what you were talking about. I was trying to understand you and listen.
I said it didn't hurt me because you were acting like it was supposed to be a stab of some sort. I will not be insulted for my kindness. I've proven before time and time again that they can't actually do anything to me.
Ask them,
I don't give a fuck. Or better yet, use the TOOLS that can FILTER a name out.
No.16241
File: 1721785670159.png (11.83 KB, 177x284, 177:284, images.png) ImgOps Google
>>16240it wasn't a stab. I wasn't insulting you.I was trying to help you interact with me better. I thought you were helping me out and then you gave me a big lecture I didn't ask for. and if you weren't hurt by it, what's all this then? why did you blow this up like this?
No.16242
File: 1721787045715.jpeg (8.6 KB, 168x300, 14:25, images (3).jpeg) ImgOps Google
>>16241It wasn't a lecture, it was my thoughts. I thought we were having a discussion. And you know what? That hurts. When you offer you heart to a stranger and they stab you in the guts
No.16243
File: 1721787385696.jpg (7.55 KB, 219x230, 219:230, heavy breathing.jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
>>16242yeah, and that's what it felt like you were doing to me. rather than listening to how I was feeling, it felt like you just wanted me to know what *you* thought of everything. which really hurt because it made me feel like you didn't care about me. and then when you said "it doesn't hurt me" it made me feel like you still thought the conversation was about you. That's why I said I don't think you understand. It sounds like you think I just attacked you for some reason, but all I've done is try to communicate. and now you're saying you *are* hurt. what's going on?
No.16244
File: 1721789210833.jpeg (11.06 KB, 168x300, 14:25, images (2).jpeg) ImgOps Google
>>16243So you just wanted me to listen without thought? You are clueless as to how conversations actually work.
No.16246
File: 1721797989973.png (2.26 MB, 1079x1100, 1079:1100, 1e31afdc8a00dd48dc942b60a8….png) ImgOps Google
You know what. I don't give a fuck. This is what you get for trusting a piece of shit. But it doesn't matter, ill continue to give heart to others
I'm listening going to come around and warn people about you.
At least I come with a disclaimer.
No.16248
File: 1721824412298.jpg (589.04 KB, 1074x1517, 1074:1517, 1489808092200.jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
>>16244>>16246I think you do. I think you're someone who wants to connect and be vulnerable with someone, but youve been hurt a lot in the past, possibly even now, and you're so afraid to be hurt again you don't dare let anyone have any kind of edge over you. I think you wanted to connect with me, but when it started to go wrong you chose to denounce me rather than look vulnerable when you thought I could be an enemy.
I'm not your enemy. And I'm sorry we didn't understand each other. I actually thought we could be friends, which is why I asked you to reach out. I'm sorry it didn't work out. I wish you a world of less pain and better friends who can support you the way you need. Better than I could yesterday.
If you ever feel like giving it another shot, I also enjoy talking about the end in a cynical sarcastic view if I'm bored enough.
No.16249
File: 1721830060267.jpg (124.63 KB, 1280x720, 16:9, Panty tongue.jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
>>16248Very perceptive of you, to some degree; close to the mark, but not quite on target. I tried to be vulnerable with you and you shat all over it.
I am vindictive and wish nothing but pain upon you. At every turn, and every corner I wish nothing but the worst for you. I won't fall for your words or tricks.
You are an evil person. I hope you die. I hope your family dies first so you can experience anguish. I hope your wife dies in your arm screaming for mercy. I hope the two of you had a child so it can die along with her. I am going to warn people about you so they don't get caught up in the mix with your bullshit. That is all. Have a shit day.
No.16252
File: 1721831783314.png (328.09 KB, 800x600, 4:3, medium (1).png) ImgOps Google
>>16249>I tried to be vulnerable with you and you shat all over it.>I am vindictive and wish nothing but pain upon you.Too far in to turn back, huh? Very well. May you die a horrific death, and experience enough pain to almost justify your pathetic existence. I hope to hear your screams from the depths of hell and beyond, so I can add them to my Spotify list. Die well, vermin.
No.16254
File: 1721832708068.jpg (49.34 KB, 690x692, 345:346, scanty.jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
Mar a tha mi. Cha robh mi a' ciallachadh sin idir. Is dòcha gun do bhuail thu an t-ingne air do cheann le sin. Bha mi a 'smaoineachadh gum b' urrainn dhuinn a bhith caraidean, ach thug thu orm a bhith a 'faireachdainn uamhasach. Bidh mi a’ gabhail rudan pearsanta uaireannan. Tha e goirt. Chaidh innse dhomh gu bheil mi a’ faireachdainn faireachdainnean ro làidir. Tha mi airson mathanas a thoirt dhut, ach tha e duilich.
No.16256
File: 1721833037816.png (208.03 KB, 511x758, 511:758, dea82g5-29980e22-7ecc-4c84….png) ImgOps Google
>>16254Gabh cho fad 's a dh' fheumas tu, fuathaich mi cho fad 's a thogras tu, agus bi cho dìoghaltas 's a dh' fheumas tu. Dh’ fhaodadh seo a bhith spòrsail.
No.16259
File: 1721930027208.jpg (313.65 KB, 1080x1357, 1080:1357, 287461847251.jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
>>16215>I seem to live rent free in your mindNow that I think about it, I'm very likely getting the same vibe from a particular few as of late.
And I hope working at Meta is treating you alright. I like to see you prosper.
No.16260
File: 1721984711895.png (302.45 KB, 1200x1023, 400:341, 5761450.png) ImgOps Google
>>16259 Here you go again, with the passive aggressive shit talk. The only reason I brought him up, was because he's the fake developer you aspire to be. Speaking of gainful employment, shouldn't you be sucking dick for cash behind a casino dumpster or something? Those dicks aren't going to suck themselves.
No.16262
File: 1722077419338.jpg (75.46 KB, 300x450, 2:3, Spinel anger.jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
>>16260>>16259You are both being fags. I don't know the entire depth of it all, and I don't know about this third-party pussy shit, but from what I've seen Saccharine can be a fag who won't let shit go, and Boat is being a fag in the same regard. You know what happens when I fuck up with someone? I get mad, feel bad, and then I apologize because that is the right thing to do. Try to understand the opposition. Don't be like me sometimes where I shit my pants and burn bridges. Trust me when I say from personal experience that it isn't worth it. Both of you think you are in the right. So, both of you be the bigger person and get over petty internet bullshit.
Kiss and make up. It's not like someone got punched or stabbed or shot.
No.16263
File: 1722081418737.jpeg (147.86 KB, 392x670, 196:335, asasafafafafaf.jpeg) ImgOps Google
>>16262 Yeah alright.
>>16259 It would be cool if you didn't come into a private club that I've been visiting since... 2017, just to very obviously talk shit about me. I barely even come here any more. I haven't spoken with some of the people here in years. And so the people here just lap up whatever bullshit you're serving them without question. You think I'm not going to defend myself once I find out? You already announced that we aren't friends; that's cool. Stop talking about me, and I can fuck off where you won't have to hear from me again.
No.16264
File: 1722125864285.jpg (47.03 KB, 512x683, 512:683, neco arc as miku.jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
>>16263I agree with that. You're a good guy and I don't think it's right to talk shit about your site for things that you couldn't control. I think it's especially messed up to extend their perception of said site and act as though it reflects off of you directly as a person. Especially when the person doing it (Saccharine) likes to turn into a rules-monger when it suits their needs, which I find hypocritical. He tried to accuse me of ban evading and called for my own banning, but I let shit that go. At this point if Saccharine or anyone else wants to be mad at me, then I'm just their problem. I can only apologize so many times for any of my past behaviors and try to be a better person.
Take away what you will from that.
No.16265
File: 1722169734368.jpg (141.96 KB, 680x780, 34:39, 59d13081739756e6db14b23e52….jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
>>16255well it looks like I found another sore spot. I was hoping we could talk about what happened and smooth things over together. seems like you'd rather blame me than be friends. you're a goddamn minefield, dude. chill
No.16267
File: 1722272296550.jpg (173.39 KB, 1280x1694, 640:847, sonata_dusk____rainbow_roc….jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
>>16266Nah, you're a porcupine. And I'm still gonna hug ya
No.16269
File: 1723039421967.png (792.35 KB, 1000x1438, 500:719, 1690866686920.png) ImgOps Google
>>16265I'd still be cautious if I were you.
I still can't find a good reason as to why boat introduced them to this board. And I certainly don't believe that Nonny could find it of his own accord. Not trying to be rude, it's just my thoughts. Though I'm amazed about the mentioning of dying here in this thread. Jeez, how did it come to all this so easily. Though if you want to know a bit more about me, I have an apology acceptance limit where I stop taking apologies permanently from specific people. I'd say it's trauma related, but it was useful in the past for me. I wonder if that can change.
>>16260Alright, I'll bite.
Though you're nearly in the same category as your wonderful friend in my eyes. Barely even a year of me knowing him. I just assume deceptive rhetoric on his part by default. Doesn't mean I think he's all that 100 percent. But I have a good idea at this point.
>Here you go again, with the passive aggressive shit talk.Well sorry for being so provocative. I'd assume you'd just ignore me and let me acknowledge a fine individual. But I guess I get two for the price of one.
>The only reason I brought him up, was because he's the fake developer you aspire to be.I literally have no idea what that was supposed to accomplish, given that I have absolutely no issue with Max. I'd likely just see them as a role model to a 25 year old like me and side to the hilt with them. Maybe if you become more like Max, you'd make around six figures at Meta. Heh, I'm really trying hard to not be very offensive.. I hope you realize the scope of telling someone to die, which is something I've never told you by the way. Is it because of just leaving a particular site permanently and being passive-aggressive? I suppose we do indeed find out who our real friends are along the way.
>Speaking of gainful employment, shouldn't you be sucking dick for cash behind a casino dumpster or something? Those dicks aren't going to suck themselves.I'm not going to deny being a slut and a deranged person, I'll say that.
>>16263>You think I'm not going to defend myself once I find out?Talking about people sucking dicks and telling them to die is an interesting way to defend oneself...
I guess that's all I want to say now.
I have nothing to say to your friend as evidenced by his troublemaking here. Can't be worth it, I assume.
Though I'll say this.. I don't wish to have friends that get riled up so easily. This board has been a pleasure for my personal rants. Didn't expect to strike a nerve in you. Also a bit sad to say I can't trust you very much. Feel free to punch me now. My only regret here is wishing I was more circumspect to preserve tainting a heavenly sent individual's thread who easily put up with my rants and more in ways that has exceeded my expectations.
No.16270
File: 1723041299961.png (449.44 KB, 750x750, 1:1, 3426752837.png) ImgOps Google
God that coffee hits pretty good. You guys should also try white tea.
My bad if I offended anyone, ciao and may you guys prosper.
No.16271
File: 1723059841480.png (412.64 KB, 1280x678, 640:339, 576142.png) ImgOps Google
>>16269>I still can't find a good reason as to why boat introduced them to this board.because when I'm pissed off and hurt, and someone's asking me "what's wrong?" there's only so many times I'm willing to say "I can't tell you because
reasons" before I finally say "fuck it, see for yourself" and link him here. It's not like I still have any friends here or on this site. If you think I'm just going to forfeit this place to you, to leave it to you as a place where you can shittalk me with impunity, after you stormed off and attempted to turn everyone here against me, you've got another thing coming. I will burn this board to the fucking ground before I let that happen. You think Nonny is bad? You have no idea. Don't fucking try me.
>I'd assume you'd just ignore me and let me acknowledge a fine individual."a particular few" is not "a fine individual" you passive aggressive shit.
>But I guess I get two for the price of one.Yes you did, because you cited us. Funny how that happens.
>given that I have absolutely no issue with Max.Oh I do.
>Maybe if you become more like Max, you'd make around six figures at Meta.Maybe if I became more like you, I'd talk about nothing but money and monetary pipe dreams all day.
>I hope you realize the scope of telling someone to die, which is something I've never told you by the way.No you don't say anything directly. Because you're a passive aggressive shit.
>Is it because of just leaving a particular site permanently and being passive-aggressive?I don't give a fuck if you leave or not. But then you want to continue talking shit about me after leaving, in the place that was my one refuge on this site, and we've got a problem.
>I suppose we do indeed find out who our real friends are along the way.Yeah we do, don't we.
>I don't wish to have friends that get riled up so easily.Good. Fuck off.
>Didn't expect to strike a nerve in you."have to live with your decisions" or whatever you said previously.
>Also a bit sad to say I can't trust you very much.I don't trust you at all. Because you go talking shit about me to people I used to consider friends in places that were my only reprieve on this site.
No.16272
>>16271I would like to just say that I appreciate a more composed reply.
I was just hoping it was not like before. And I'm grateful for that.
But I should be moving on from this site to focus on other stuff. Farewell.
No.16274
File: 1723131978843.jpg (128 KB, 1407x1080, 469:360, Trying to socalize.jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
>>16269>I still can't find a good reason as to why boat introduced them to this boardI knew about ponyville long before ye-olden ponychan was ever shut down.
>how did it come to all this so easilyIt's the internet. Misunderstandings and miscommunications happen often. Combine that with the fact that a lot of people have forgotten how to speak with one another and actually attempt to show a bit of empathy for the other person and it leads to falling outs between people that once considered each other friends or friendly. One thing leads to another and the seeds of contempt can be planted; and eventually, they grow into a smoldering and toxic fuming bushel of hatred, fresh with the ripened fruits of hatred.
It's easy to see the bad in people and it's harder to understand the good, especially when those good intentions aren't communicated.
>I should be moving on from this site to focus on other stuff. Farewell.See you in month, and if not; good luck out there.
No.16275
File: 1723137343266.jpg (33.75 KB, 720x720, 1:1, 183decb43b90d78c0930556e92….jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
Do you ever sit in recovery from an emotional event or panic attack, and you feel fine but you just don't want to talk to anyone yet, so you just sit quietly and don't tell them you're okay? and you feel a little guilty about it but you're worried you might not actually be okay and you don't want to guess wrong so you just stay silent and pretend to be broken.
No.16276
File: 1723148891593.jpg (69.65 KB, 829x963, 829:963, maud_pie_by_sassafrass002-….jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
>>16275 That reminds me of how I've felt after the deaths of some family members.
No.16277
File: 1723163734033.jpg (142.91 KB, 850x1133, 850:1133, 4d520ec1ca64691481590152e4….jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
>>16275I can sympathize. I think it's the minds way of healing without making promises. For me, freedom is important; the freedom to feel upset is just as valuable as my pursuit to happiness. I don't want to be bound by false promises and expectations
No.16280
File: 1735806303946.jpg (257.15 KB, 1908x4032, 53:112, 20241215_223918.jpg) ImgOps Exif Google
Do you ever wish that you had lived a different life? As someone else?
I couldn't I have been born as me? Why didn't I get to live? Why don't I get to be me?
Why do I have these memories of a life I never lived? And why do I miss something so much that I've never had?
