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There's no easy way to share the news I got yesterday, so that's why I state it plainly in the title and will state it just as plainly now.
Bravery is dead.
He had stopped responding to me altogether on Discord about a week ago, which I naturally thought was odd since he and I have spoken practically at least once a day for the better part of a decade.
I tried to tell myself to not be silly and assume the worst. But still I wrote him every day and recieved no responses even when I said I was worried. So, yesterday, on my way home from another obligation, I started online sleuthing to find contact info on his family, and got ahold of his sister, who he has mentioned to me many times before.
She'd been wanting to get ahold of me, but was unsure how and well, she unfortunately confirmed my darkest fears.
From what she knows, it was sudden. Possibly a result of some underlying health issue. Nobody knows exactly what went on just yet.
I'm gutted, naturally. Brav and I knew eachother well. We were even on birthday and christmas gift basis even though we have only ever actually met a handful of times in real life.
He would have turned 35 on August 1st. I was pondering what I should get him "once he got back". I had practically started rehearsing how to tell him that I didn't care how long he was gone as long as he came back fine and well, in case he was sick or something.
I spent a good half hour looking at his icon hoping for a little red notification to pop up. Frankly, I'd much rather be furious at him for some kind of sick joke than not have him here at all.
My thoughts keep going to content and media. Brav and I shot the shit about media we both liked all the time, and he was as much of a #1 Fan and supporter as he was a friend, always willing to take a look at my videos to try and spot errors before I uploaded them, and showing up for basically every stream I ever did, clipping anything remotely amusing from it. I always knew I was doing a good job if he was clipping up a storm on Twitch.
It was hard enough not seeing his name in chat a few days ago when I was unsure. It's going to be even harder now, even if I know he'd want me to keep having fun, even with the games I largely played because I knew he'd be amused to see how I reacted to them.
My last interaction with him was me telling him I was finally watching Caddyshack and finding it hilarious, and him responding "Oh yeah."
It probably seems silly that these are the things I worry about since in some way, they probably shouldn't matter. But at the same time, I really regret never getting around to watching some of his favorite stuff now - like JoJo, Gundam or Transformers.
I still plan to keep going on all of this when I can. Even finish the stuff I mostly did cause I knew he'd enjoy it. I just need to be able to say it's for his sake without cracking first.
For those wondering, I did all the "right" steps almost immediately. I've visited my parents. I've told a few other friends. I've ugly sobbed, I've been angry at the injustice of losing friends at the way-too-early age of barely-34.
I've also had IRL friends who have dealt with their own losses this past year the phone, and one is coming to check on me tomorrow. I have several friends coming over for my own birthday next weekend, and I don't plan to cancel tha
Hell, I've even been able to laugh at other little silly things just a few hours after the bad news. Not that the sadness doesn't settle right back in shortly after.
But today is hard. Really hard. I keep swinging between pure lethargy and crying at random.
I just hope Markus knew that I loved him very much, somewhere between the avalanche of silly clips of terrible game and anime voice acting, the ridiculous tweets we'd both laugh at, or the cool little moments in comics we liked to share.
Obviously, I don't want to just be a downer for people here. Go ahead and move this to somewhere more appropriate if it is not general board material.
I just need to share the news and say my piece in the places I can.
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I don't think this thread needs to be moved anywhere. We're a community and he was a part of our community.
I can't say very much because we never interacted much, I think I barely even knew him as an acquaintance. It doesn't matter though, this was sad and a loss, and I'm so sorry this happened to him so young. And I'm so sorry to you and everyone else who called him friend, or family.
In fairness, he didn't post here very often anymore. Mostly in the Coffee thread if he did.
But these Pony boards are where I met him, and I know some folks around here do know him, even if it was through me. And I just need to share the news where I can.
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...Fuck. That's not news I expected and certainly not news I wanted. I can't say Bravery and I were particularly close but we certainly had our fair share of conversations in the heyday of the HAY threads. Our talks were always nice even as I said he and I weren't particularly close.
I'm going to take some prerogative and sticky the thread for a while, just to keep the word out, I think.
The sticky is appreciated, thank you.
I mean as I have already said, I am gutted. The suddenness of it is so terrible, and it puts my whole last week - which was otherwise a great time for many other reasons - in such a horrid light.
I am... fine. Sad, naturally, but overall fine.
I wish I could find the energy to play a game or something - Resident Evil 5 in particular since that is something we were planning on playing co-op. But uh, yeah. Couch potatoing it is.
I really just want it to be tomorrow so one of my other friends can show up already.
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Yeah, I get you. I'm passing the word along to some of the old HAY regulars I'm still in contact with. I'm not sure how close any of them were to Bravery in these last few years, but still.
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i'm so incredibly heartbroken for him, for you, and for his family and friends
i am grateful he had friends and family who loved him, and may he know peace now...
I have described my mood the last few hours to those who asked as "Miserable, but alright." That about sums it up.
I made sure to make myself cook an actual meal instead of just ordering a pizza or something. I had chicken that needed to be used today anwyay.
But yeah, I just really want it to be tomorrow so one of my friends can come by already>>4691>>4692
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Bravery was always kind, always a good friend. it feels weird typing this in the past tense... it is so shocking, i do not know how to feel yet.
i'm very sorry, esher... i will miss Bravery very much too. ...life can be so fickle, so fleeting. and its loss, so sudden...
we will /arch/ this thread as a memorial too, after a time.
Bravery is a member of our Ponyville family... and he will be deeply missed.
I am starting to realize that one of the hardest parts of this is that, since Brave wasn't a regular, physical part of my life (we did meet a few times though), nothing is really physically gone for me and it doesn't TRULY feel like he isn't here anymore. Like it's possible I might see a little notification any mintue now.
I know full well that is nonsense (and possibly some variation of the denial stage), of course, but the circumstances just make things seem a certain way.
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I've been sitting here trying to find the words, but I can't.
Noticed the lack of posts on their Tumblr, was half expecting them to comment on the rate limiting that Musk put in place for Twitter. Or photobomb another new ep of an anime they were watching. But that never came.
Didn't really talk with them all that much, but did have a lot of mutual likes/reblogs on Tumblr within the more recent years.
Had to get out a really old hard drive to find this pic. It's an interaction between him and Esh that always made me laugh/still lives rent free in my head.
Will definitely miss them. God though, that's way too young/too soon.
2012. So even MORE than a decade. Christ.
But yep. That is our weird banter, alright.
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Wow... I don't even know what to say.
It must've been years since we last spoke in the HAY thread, but I remember Bravery as someone who was fun to talk to and an overall good friend. I still have the art pieces of Ebon he made for me, like this one.
To know that he passed so soon... Nobody should have to go through that. My condolences to you and his family both.
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Wow... huge shock. Whilst I've kind of faded from this community now, everyone I met still has a place in my heart and is still someone I'd happily chat with again and catch up with. Still consider friends, even if there's been a pause.
Sadly in this case it isn't to be.
I'm so so sorry for your loss, I know how close you two were and am sure he knew how much you loved him. I have had a few of those "not responding for some time" moments where you end up searching obituaries and it's always hard enough but this is of course is the outcome we all dread and hope will never happen. Can only say my thoughts are with you
Always meant to repost this one day, one of the times he just made me laugh my ass off. Just a silly little bunch of posts that probably seemed like nothing but stuck in my head. (1/2)
Goodbye old friend, and if there's another side, see ya there <3
Yesterday night was not easy. Like I stated above, I pretty much broke into a sobbing mess the instant the lights were off and my apartment were fully quiet.
It won't change anything, but I did write "I miss you" in his Discord window before I tried to sleep again. Just so the last thing in there was something nice, instead of an exclamation of worry.
A friend is coming over later today, another is coming on Sunday. So that much will be nice, at least.>>4705
I am pretty sure I have that in a folder somewhere myself.
Brav was VERY funny, even if he mostly expressed it in text. I say this as the wannabe Mr. YouTube funny man, but a lot of bits were born from back and forths with Brav whenever I told him what I was working on.
Lord, could we poke fun at some of the silly shit we sent eachother.
Oh my goodness, this is great>>4707
I think leaving something nice in the chat between you both is good...glad you guys had such funny memories together.
Yeah, I think that's a nice way to leave it. Someone in another community I follow passed away recently, not close but I mostly knew him through Facebook so left a post there saying like, how dare you go early that's just not fair, but it's been a pleasure and see you later on the other side. Who knows, but I like to think there's some way they can see our farewells.
He sure was. I'm sure he'd love for you to continue being Mr YouTube funny man once you feel ready, and would have faith that you can find plenty of your own inspiration
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I didn't have a relationship with Bravery, not even as an acquaintance, so this doesn't hit me as hard as it is for you. Still, it feels bad and I wish I could be an emotional support for everyone here who is hit hardest by this. Grief is never easy when who has passed is someone special to us.
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Wow, that's relatively young. I didn't know Bravery very well, but his presence was a pleasure. My heartfelt condolences to you and your friend.
I have had a friend ove rfor most of today, and seen my parents again.
Me and my friend just spent time drinking, watching movies, joking around. It has felt almost normal.
We did talk about Markus, of course. But today has felt okay.
Not that I wanna go to sleep still, though, despite how dead tired I am. I have NOT slept well the last two nights - falling asleep way later than I fall down, waking up at least twice during the night.
I am afraid of the silence once I go to bed, I think. Especially with how hard it hit me yesterday.
I'll try eventually of course, but now I am just sitting up YouTubing.>>4711>>4712>>4713
I'm sure that they will. Hearing that your child had friends, even so far away, probably will make them feel good that he was so loved. Loved enough that a friend personally reached out to people he may have never met, and asked for something sentimental to remember their son by.
That's not something I think you should worry about coming across wrong. Obviously I can't read their minds, but I can only imagine that they would be grateful that he had such a good friend.
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email friends / internet friends are the modern version of pen palls. you a good sport Esh. no matter what! im sure they appreciate it
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I'm sorry for your loss Esh, and for the his family's. Out of everyone in the HAY community, I remember you and Bravery were always really close.
Thank you. We were. My days and evenings have gotten a lot quieter without him, and while I am feeling okay, that hurts. Can't say both our birthdays coming up soon isn't bathed in a slightly depressing light.
I plan to return to streaming with one dedicated to him, and letting as many people as I can know in advance and hopefully getting an even slightly bigger turnout than usual.
That probably seems silly, but he was ALWAYS there for those, always active in chat, always clipping up a storm, so it feels right to at least address it that way.