No.1136404[Last 50 Posts]
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So now that Christmas and New Year's behind us, we are on a clear course for our next Holiday stop.
Valentine (Hearts and Hooves)'s only 1 month away.
Get ready for yet more chocolates!
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Oh boy, it sure is.
Fun day that one.
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I'm gonna treat myself to a big bag of candy hearts this year
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discount candy day afterwards is a good holiday
We do love candy.
We especially love candy when it is heavily discounted.
For real tho
Maybe I'll feel differently under different circumstances, but I have never been much of a Valentines fan, "foreveralone" aside.
It doesn't help that in the weeks leading up to it I usually get bombarded with ads that make it sound like I have a fucking disease.
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Singles Awareness Day is just a day after Valentines Day.
Which if you ask me is kinda pathetic.
Do I give chocolates to myself or something?
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I might not be single this V day for a change.
Which is odd because I just started to like being single.
Clearly I'm just capricious and contrarien...
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Nobody I'm dating really celebrates Valentine's Day, but I found a card for my partner Celeste that was just way too good to pass up for us.
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I'd have to write a novel to describe all of my thoughts. So the short is basically this. Someone I am dating seems to be into me more than I've ever experienced before, like they even have a higher libido than me. They are also really cool themselves anyway. I feel as though they deserve me to treat them just the same. I've been on so many dates where I was taken for granted for a long time I guess I just assumed that is how dating/relationships work. It's nice to start being wrong about that.
Trouble is I had my eye on someone else who's slowly becoming more talkative. And I've also started to enjoy/have gotten better at dating and casual hook ups. I've always enjoyed independence.
I think that second part of me is just scared of commitment and I've been single so long I'm just not used to the concept of sharing life in a relationship anymore.
This is pretty much classic ryuuko anon bahaviour. Never happy always wanting more. I think I should do the opposite and break my bad habbits...
Maybe I'm just a shallow person who never wanted a relationship I just want to people to desire me. Knowing yourself is hard.
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I'm always too introspective...
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Excessive introspectiveness is another anon problem
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Yeah for sure. I think it can be a very self defeating trait or a good one. What are your introspects?
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Conversations that would matter to me. Where I fit in various groups. Reflections and analysis.
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I'm feeling a little more hopeful about these matters than i traditionally have been, i suppose. Granted, that's a fairly low bar, but it's something, i guess. Still, when you've spent so long viewing the whole thing as essentially an oppressive caste system, it's hard to take it with any optimism, even if you have recently found arguments for optimism. I guess it's hard to maintain the illusion that it's a strict caste system when your ex calls you drunk at night, sad that you broke up with her. Idk man, shit's complicated. I suppose confusion is a better place than fairly certain pessimism, so that's something.
I've at least started to think about the logistics of how i might go about finding a GF or whatever. Online dating is out, I'm very poorly optimized for it, being not rich and pretty sensitive to rejection; Conversely, i seem to get along with people irl pretty well, so i guess meatspace is the right way to go, but doing it through work is out, way too sticky a situation, and most of my social hobbies are things like magic the gathering or dungeons and dragons, not exactly popular pastimes for the womenfolk, considering it's often shorthand for people who are romantically unsuccessful.
I guess the next step is to find stuff both the womenfolk and i enjoy, and go from there? Dr. Who seems like a cool show, I've heard it's popular with the womenfolk, maybe start there? Something like that. Idk.
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Where do you fit in?
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i always liked valentine's day, even if i do not like... to participate in festivities.
it is wonderful to see the couples and things out and about, and feel like there is so much love in the air!
Wonder what it is with Hasbro properties and 50'ies style music.
But I aint complaining
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I ain't complaining about any LPS song, honestly.
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True, most of it is pretty dang good.
But then I tend to be a sucker for musical numbers in general.
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I'm frankly surprised I don't see anyone do a good Littlest Petshop retrospect video on Youtube.
It's like a show everyone's been sleeping on
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I reckon you could find someone if you tried.
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i cannot try, i do not think. i am ... just not able to!
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i am... too shy to go on dates. and not really... good at keeping up with the expectations of others for romance.
i don't fall in love... at all, either. so... no valentine's day for me, by my own choice, though i think it is a wonderful holiday!
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don't say that, rainbow!! why, you are a perfectly wonderful person!
...and do not worry :c at least for the time-being, it is... very much my decision. maybe someday, it will change. maybe.
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Romance is out of the hands of many. As far as i'm concerned, it's no matter of shame at all, any less than not being a millionaire is. Statistically, if you're a man, you've got about the same odds. Around 8.8% of the population of the united states are millionaires, and there's a very clear profile of how women rate men in terms of desirability. Both okcupid and tinder did studies, and while it fluctuates a bit site to site study to study, it lands safely in the range of only the top 5-20% of men being seen as desirable to women. Even being charitable and going with the highball 20%, Being in an 80% group is no shame. We're the norm. To be undesirable to women is no great flaw, it's the inevitable fate of the vast majority of men. So being single, it's nothing anyone should feel bad or shameful about.
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I suppose that's being aromantic and is a pretty okay thing to be.
Some people aren't really interested in pursuing romance.
It makes sense too, romance is kind of a big commitment that can screw people over.
Jaiden's video about being aro/ace is a neat watch.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qF1DTK4U1AM
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Well, so long as it's your choice. But don't sell yourself short or let shyness decide your life for you.
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Dr Who is definitely a good starting point. Lots of nerd culture is popular these days.
Meeting people is all about being in the same place as other people, consistently. This is why a lot of people meet someone at university. Whatever your social gathering place is, that's where you'll meet someone. Also I heard a really interesting concept recently:
[We become good at the things we do consistently. If you're bad with women, date lots of women, and get good at it. You're not going to be dating hotties on day one, so don't try. Date ugly women, get to know them, fail a few relationships and learn from them, and over time you'll become successful. You'll even start to learn when and how to break off a relationship with someone who isn't going to work out.]
I haven't intentionally tried this method myself, although I had been in a fair few relationships before I met my wife. Maybe it'll work for you? Or maybe you want to try something else.
I do know this: every bit of dating advice I've ever found useful has come down to three massively important things:
1 be confident. Women like men who are confident and self secure.
2 be fun. Be playful, make jokes, suuuuuper nerdy jokes, or dad jokes if that's your thing, use witty sarcasm, be funny, and be fun. It's very attractive and charismatic.
3 be honest. With others, with yourself. Don't try to be anything you're not. Someone out there likes you for you, and embracing you is the best way to find them.
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Actually, I might as well put some thoughts out in this thread.
As much as I am griping about Valentines (and I am not really taking it back, as much as I can appreciate romance the day itself has never really doen much for me), I am actually in a bit of a surprise situation as of late - as I HAVE encountered someone who is making it no secret she's interested in me. Or rather, she was actually the one contacting me (which freaked me out enough that it took me over a week to respond).
I've met with her a couple times, and I have made a lot of my inexperience, confusion and even my possible aromanticism pretty clear. All of these are things I was convinced people could practically smell on me from forty miles away and was instant deterrent because clearly something must just be wrong with me if I don't experience the thing we spend our whole lives being told as almost as natural an inevitable as breathing.
I've more or less gone the route of being completely honest with anything I am asked (and she asks a lot - which is a lot easier for me to just respond to than to bring things up myself). And so far, it still has somehow not scared her off, to my great surprise.
I can't lie, for every bit as much as I truly, genuinely enjoy her company - we line up a LOT in attitude, interests, sense of humor, etc. and I definitely do wanna keep seeing her - I do worry about eventually not being able to reciprocate the way she wants or is hoping for, even if I can do so in many other ways.
I am constantly scared if I am, or eventually will be coming off as all take and no give despite reassurances to the contrary.
And I HAVE read of people being in relationships with aromantics and being fine with it all things considered. But it's super difficult to imagine anyone wanting that with me specifically.
I am basically in a situation I thought was genuinely impossible, and it's incredibly confusing.
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>>1136502> I've more or less gone the route of being completely honest with anything I am asked (and she asks a lot - which is a lot easier for me to just respond to than to bring things up myself). And so far, it still has somehow not scared her off, to my great surprise.
Oh this sounds exactly like when I first met my wife. I didn't want to get attached and then rejected so I kept showing her sides of me I thought for sure would scare her off. When I was out of ammunition and she was still standing there I thought " well damn, I guess she's worth a shot"
It's definitely confusing and unsettling when you open up a bit and, for the first time ever, it doesn't scare her off. If anything, she leans in, and wants more. When this happens it's a pretty good sign that you've found a real keeper. Or rather, she has found you, and she likes what she's found. Seeing as how it sounds like she sought you out, I'd say it's a pretty good bet.
The other option is one I don't like to mention, but it's easy to tell if someone is being fake based on how they support your values. If she supports you in an area she has no personal interest in (like a hobby or passion you have that she doesn't share?) then she's a real winner.
And yeah, it can be unnerving to have someone interested in you if you don't feel the same way, or if you're concerned about being able to reciprocate. If you enjoy being around her, and you think she might be worth a shot, then bring that issue up with her. Let her know that you're concerned, and why. If you've been honest so far and she hasn't left, I'm sure she'll be glad to hear about what you're thinking.
Let us know how it goes with her. This sounds interesting.
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For the last few years, I feel a bit conflicted on the whole dating scene.
From one end, yeah, I do believe that guys putting themselves out there have issues getting noticed, while girls often face complete harassment by unwanted attention if they reveal themselves in the dating life.
But like, with a 50/50 something split of males and females, I would assume that there's still about as much women ho are unspoken for and maybe a whole bunch who just don't reach the dating market or who may feel themselves out of luck when finding a partner.
So technically, I feel that if you really find the environment and go out there finding a partner shouldn't be too hard.
On the other side, commitment into dting is atually a huge deal. Like, you bind your life to someone you may not really know yet and trust that they don't want to strangle, figuratively or even literally, you and leave you broken.
Even with the best intentions you may leave all of your own life for someone who dumps you and leave you behind after all.
And honestly, I don't understand why any kind of dating would be too easy.
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It must be quite the paradigm shift for you, to find somebody who enjoys your company in such a way.
And while it's ultimately a great thing, she definitely has taken away the certainty tou had about yourself that you were unlovable, and while morbid, that certainty was a stable comfort in a way
But now that is gone, and that is scary cause it's unknown, and I imagine part of you feel that you shouldn't be there, and that the other shoe will drop somewhere at sometime, but you don't know when
But I think you are exactly where you are because you deserve it, with th company of this woman and enjoying the time of your life. So enjoy it my friend, and I wish you both wonderful and happy moments from here on out <3
To be clear - I am not DELIBERATELy attempting to "scare her off". I have just spent so much time being knocked down for basically everything about me I had become convinced that eventually, one thing or another WILL make people drop me like they just accidentally picked up a turd.>In areas she has no personal interest in
So far, we are very much in agreement on a lot of our interests and values, so this particular bit has not fully come up. She did however find me through my videos, actually.
Like I said - I have not let my possible aromanticism be a secret whatsoever. I don't think I have said these exact words, but I have on occasion voiced that I am concerned about seeming like I won't be able to return certain things. Not even just this, but also purely practical. She lives in Sweden, very close to Copenhagen, and is better off than me - she basically has an easier time coming here than I will ever have going there, and that bothers me a bit too.>>1136506
I am terrified and confused about 80% of the time, man. Despite repeatedly being given plenty of proof I don't need to be.>That the other shoe will drop
Yeah, that's pretty much it. Much like the ONE time before that someone approached me for some play at a club I visited, and the bartender actually had to step in and wingman me a bit cause I could barely force out a "yes" in sheer disbelief
, I am more or less just waiting for Ashton Kuthcer to kick in the door and scream at me that I've been Punk'd.
I keep walking on eggshells around someone who doesn't fucking care if I crack the shells or not, and it's really really weird for me.
Oh, of course not. I never meant to imply you were actively trying to drive her away. I was just describing an experience I had which your confusion reminded me of.
Yeah it's super weird when someone is really into you after you've spent most of your life being ignored. That's good that you were able to communicate about your concerns. I'm glad someone noticed you. It must feel really great when you're in the moment, if somewhat bewildering.
Welcome to being noticed by someone. It's weird and terrifying but also somehow very wonderful and warm. It feels like it's too good to be true, and you're waiting to wake up and realize it was only just a dream. But it's not a dream. It'll take you a while to realize it, but you'll eventually just start telling yourself you've gotten astronomically lucky and learn to embrace what you've been given.
I'm looking forward to seeing you happy
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In response to the OP I finally got the engagement ring I designed back from the silversmith. Yes I've been married for a year and a half but I'm not letting that stop me from presenting this thing I poured my whole heart into. I designed the ring, I selected and cut the stone myself. I just need to finish the box. I'm going to start working on it over lunch at work and present it at dinner for our pre-Valentines date (I proposed on Feb 10th and we hate crowds so this is our holiday)
Just look at this thing it's heckin' beautiful. I cut that stone.
I'm a month in. Two weeks from actually meeting.
But it's really more the very-likely aromanticism at the end of it that worries me. I just don't want to end up seeming like I've been wasting somebody's time. Or lose what is otherwise cool.
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Wow that's a beautiful colour 💜.
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Is there a practical difference?
In terms of hardness or refractive index? No.
But color and light sensitivity definitely matter with gemstones. Natural alexandrite could be mistaken for an emerald if you brought it out in the sunlight. Synthetic would exhibit a green or blue color change but it would be obvious that it was a trick of the light.
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My wife and I celebrate on the 10th of February because it's the day we met and it skips all the holiday rush. I've booked a reservation at her favorite restaurant tonight. I'm so excited
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Awh, that's sweet! I wish the best for both of you.
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She got me heckin' Flowers. They just showed up at my desk and dropped off a vase with a rose and baby's breath.
This feels amazing. No one ever gets me flowers..
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awww that's so lovely <3 those are gorgeous flowers too!
she truly loves ya <3
Sittin' in a tree
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This day is coming up in the context of me breaking up with my girlfriend in early January... coupled with another relationship attempt seeming to kind of fade like an old photograph (him just not talking to me for ages)... and both situations coming in addition to my financial plans for saving money to finally see my long-distance quasi-girlfriend stalling out yet again (because destiny/fate/life simply won't let me go without sudden surprise expenses)... so... not so happy, really...
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That's adorable and very classic.
My partner will be away v day and we weren't going to do anything in particular.
But last night we saw a show and then went dancing. There was a pole so we couldn't help ourselves. I have no idea how but I figured just wrap legs and spin, get a little inverted. I think we killed it a little because another girl came and complimented my partner but was so salty to me and congratulated me on my partner. I didn't like the toxicity but I'll admit the way she fumed with envy fed my ego a little.>>1138439
Aww, I know it's hard but try to keep positive.
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Think of the discount chocos, gato.
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But I got the big surprise. I took her to her favorite restaurant and finally gave her this. It's been two and a half years in the making but I've finally gotten her the ring I promised. Now she has a tiny dragon to carry with her. I made everything except for the silver.>>1138440
Whoa that's awesome. Haha, people be jelly. Your partner must be hot.
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I gotta be honest.
I never made my wife a handcrafted dragon ring and then she left me for another dude.
So I guess it checks out.
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I think so! Particularly on a pole.
Hope she loved your ring!
Oh damh that thing looks rad
And possibly filled with an evil dragon curse, which just makes it better
This is assuming equal levels of mutual desire. I think this is very optimistic. History has shown that when women can choose between being romantically involved with a man, at least, with an averageish man, then she will choose to be alone. I suspect this is why much of society is the way it is. It's why roles restricting women's ability to be something other than mothers came up, it was a macro-evolutionary survival measure. This is why things like engagement rings and dinner dates and courtship rituals exist. Men buy things for women for the same reason people buy anything. Money has always been used as a bridge between someone that wants something to happen and someone that doesn't want something to happen. It's why there are far more patriarchal societies than matriarchal ones. Matriarchal societies just wouldn't be able to sustain their populations and thus be subsumed.
Point is, it's very much not a 1:1 ratio, like, at all, but that's a very understandable mistake to make, the intuitive-but-wrong ones often are.
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Ah yes. I'm sure the hololive models/VAs/whatever their called all have so much trouble finding love, what with their armies of simps... Besides, I thought they were all lesbian dating each other!
This is silly, right? We can agree that's silly?
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Being romantically lewd online with people that I plan on meeting in person sometime relatively soon these past few days, to be honest, have actually been a great emotional boost... haha... I hate being so emotionally shallow, though... but that's life...
I join lewd servers for fun and attention. Only the ones that have a MtoF tag available though. I still get guys complaining that I'm not a real girl but I'm not the one sending friend requests for no other reason than to immediately ask for pics.
I have a voice modulator now though.
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That sounds wonderful, I hope he's okay. It can be really scary not understanding why you're into something.
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He's fine. I don't think he was into it... more he did because he thought I wanted it and I let him do it because I thought he want he wanted to.
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Best of luck! Human emotion is always a fickle thing, so don't beat yourself up
I don't think there's any "normal" in matters of love. It's all different flavors of mess we have to work through. >>1138864
Tried that for awhile, but turns out the ratio of horny straight dudes to anything else is overwhelming. Perhaps one day i'll try dating tgirls, might be a good middle ground between my own heterosexual tendencies and the hostile wasteland that is the straight dude romantic experience. Still, i worry life is accommodating to neither of us in the long-term. Perhaps none of it fits in the macro, and only in the micro and personal do our little idiosyncrasies mesh into something coherent. Who knows? Best of luck out there.
Alright then. As long as you're both okay and communication happened.>>1139224
I actually run into a surprising number of Cis-female users. That's not to say I haven't been harassed by horny single guys hoping I'm available, but I have run into more actual women in the servers I frequent than I would have expected.
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Having multiple people talk with me about being lewd at upcoming furry events but otherwise everything in terms of actual relationships being so stalled out is actually doing some emotional havok inside of me... I need to discover those elusive LGBT people who aren't only into casual stuff at some point... right? They exist? I mean... I exist, don't I? Therefore there must be others like me who want a commiting relationship in America somewhere?>>1139224
Hope that the various stabs that you're doing at dating work out.
Only thing that I'd say is that I'd avoid using the specific slang term 't-girls' broadly since I think it's pretty sexualized and has a lot of baggage. Not that it's a slur, and you're not a bad person for saying it either, but more that it seems to be exactly parallel to like if you called me an 'irresistible bitch', a 'cute sissy', or a 'hot slut'. Though, probably some others would disagree with me. More saying that you should just to be aware of the context, I think. Save it for DMs at times, maybe, hah.
"Hostile wasteland" is also such a great way to describe dating these days that I probably will steal that myself.
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>>1139333>They exist? I mean... I exist, don't I? Therefore there must be others like me who want a commiting relationship in America somewhere?
They exist. They're just, as you said, elusive. Unfortunately I don't know what advice to give you. Every person I've met who I enjoy being around is someone I met while not looking for someone. I was just looking for other people to do x activity with and along the way I noticed "hey, you're fun. Wanna hang out more?" And the rest was history. But I've heard that doesn't work for everyone so I have no idea what to tell you.
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i do not like lewd things, or to be lewd. i do not really understand it, either.
but, i understand, it is what others like, so i try not to think about it too much.
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Personally it's kind of intoxicating to me.
Purely biologically speaking. Like some mental very powerful magnetism.
I dunno, asexuals probably don't have that drive.
'Whitey' is different than 'white person' and 'Jap' is different than 'Japanese person', with you not calling strangers the former terms to their faces... right, you get it?
Why wouldn't the same principle apply to other slang?
You recognize that there's an emotional implication involved between being called 'a white guy I know' and 'just another whitey', I assume? So wouldn't there be a similar kind of thing going on between being called 'a transgender person I like' versus 'I'm hungry for t-girls, with you on the menu', obviously?
And it's not like there's anything wrong with a white dude dating a black woman where either she refers to him as 'whitey' in a nonserious fashion, or even him calling her 'slave' and her calling him 'master' in a BDSM context. But they're probably mindful of what terms mean. And they probably wouldn't talk that way in public, hah.
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i do ... think of myself as asexual. like... an amoeba, or something. paramecium.
i think it is normal to just not be very into lewd stuff, you know? it is normal to be into it, but also... like, not into it! maybe
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You're not an amoeba, Moony
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I get the concept, not how it connects to the current example. Usually it's been used in a historically derogatory fashion, E.G. jap as a derogatory term in WW2, thus having racist and hostile conations, the n-word based on use in slave times and in the south, ect. Trans people have not really had as much of a presence as a demographic. Generally there aren't very many of them, and it's not like there's population centers where they're a majority, something akin to israel. T is even short for trans, and typically, trans is used by people wanting to be respectful. Otherwise you get terms like crossdresser.
You also never provided a correct term... Saying that a term is not good while also not providing an alternative isn't very helpful. Typically, if you want to correct something, you provide a correct alternative.
Sorry for the intensity, but that sort of smug "well if you don't know" attitude really gets on my nerves. There should be no condemnation without correction. Though i imagine this could all be imagined as text is a very poor communicator of tone and intent.
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oh... no. i am scared. that is too much for me.
Transgender people are transgender people, and transgender women are transgender women.
I don't see why this is hard to understand, neither do I see why use of either of those terms ('transgender women' and 'transgender people') would be difficult to do. It's just simple.
I don't also see why you're saying that a constricted shortening of a term means nothing. Again, 'whitey' and 'blackie' as well as 'Jap' don't mean the same in regular language as 'white person', 'black person', and 'Japanese person'. You seemed to even halfway concede the point yourself.
I mean to be personal: my mother's name is 'Mary', and she has been abbreviatedly called 'Mar' for short (sounding as if she was a female horse) many times as what seems like a deliberate way to annoy her. This appears obvious. And if I was her, I also wouldn't like it. Hell, I don't even like it as a bystander.
It's honesty a personal pet peeve of mine that if somebody gets your name wrong or a personal label of yours wrong that you're not allowed to correct them in modern America today. And also you're not allowed to be upset at people deliberately rubbing your nose into it with these situations. I wish I lived in a time and country where something like me asking for my first name to be spelled correctly, say, doesn't immediately get me abused or harassed for being a whiner/complainer/ninny/etc.
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Please spoiler that stuff in the future... Wow...
That's like all the way up there with holding hands!
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...well holding hands i have often done, that is not dramatic i do not think
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That's super lewd!!
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Well what do you know...
Moony has indeed confirmed about engaging in such debauchery.
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Disregard kissing. Disregard handholding. Acquire headpats.
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...oh dear... perhaps, it is i who was lewd, all along c:
be careful, or i will also hold your hand!!>>1139378
i feel like headpats can sometimes cause people to feel like, you are looking down on them :c so i do not ever do it>>1139389
...i am scared to research. i read it on google just now, and it is scary. i don't want to be like that, even if i can sometimes be like that. i would like to be romantic! i can be! but, i do not... you know, it is not for me, is all. i just have to force it sometimes, and then take a break, if ... it is necessary.
which thankfully, it has not been, i don't think. i would not know if i was being flirted with even if the flirtation came in a signed, notarized letter. i just want to be normal.
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aw, i suppose that is true! only if carefully consented to>>1139399
maybe once i am very well setup to support a family, i can do that
i love everyone, but i am... not... hm. i love the idea of romance... it's just, it is really hard for me to develop romantic feelings. which i deeply wish... was not so.
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Yes, it makes sense to be totally honest and understanding with who is the 'headpats target', absolutely!
And it's so cute when one sees it in artwork!
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They're fine we've talked again and its okay.
Just ignore my drunk ramblings.
But oh my god I've never known a relationship could be like this. It's so intoxicating. I didn't know someone would be so good to me. I have to gush about them. I've never felt so desired and I worship them. We're able to be so natural around each other. They're smart but fun and they like the things that I like. The sex is mind-blowing. The nights out are fun. The gentle cuddles so relaxing. Touch is so healing yet intoxicating. I'm just a soup of hormones.
I must be playing with some kind of fire ❤️🔥. Either we're going to burn out soon or something will happen. But I'll let that fire burn me 🔥.
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Hand holding without consent!?
It's like I don't even know you!>i would not know if i was being flirted with even if the flirtation came in a signed, notarized letter
Hey, you know what flirting looks like. Remember the first time I visited and we were on the subway and some girls started asking me about my camera? Me being totally oblivious telling them about it and when we got off you were like "those girls were flirting with you" and I was like "whhaaaa? Noooo? What?">>1139410
Oh wow.. That sounds pretty fantastic..! You went through a lot of bad dating stuff and ended up with someone that makes you feel like that?
Hope it lasts forever tbh.
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They say the same things about me. It's hard to believe they're not lying. Like, I can't really be the best they've had? But I guess our actions speak for themselves. We can't help ourselves everytime we're together. Like holy shit not to be lewd but it's so amazing just kneeling over them and like, he just melts and ask where he found someone like me. Looks at me with half closed eyes and scruffy hair. Never shared this level of passion before and it's literally causing problems. Like the secretary at work has spotted my hickies and shit. Marks of his property.
Pretty sure our irl friends are sick of our shit and PDAs. So I'm annoying you guys now.
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I'm honestly nursing a growing psychological complex from finding it incredibly easy at the level of breathing to look up people who want casual sex and incredibly impossible at the level of climbing Mount Everest to find people who want romantic attachment (plus, obviously, everybody who values romance hates sex).
And there's also legions of great people in America who would make my life literally perfect in every way but are 100% aromantic and asexual both, with their antipathy to those mentally wired differently being at the point where mere friendship with then is mutually uncomfortable.
I'm getting to the point where maybe I think there's not one single person in the entire country of America who values both physical intimacy and romance at the same time... everybody who claims otherwise online is an AI bot.
I personally feel like I'm antiromantic and antisexual in my life right now... not because I don't want those things (I feel like I'm spiritually dying from not having them) but instead I genuinely can't psychologically understand what it would be like to be loved by somebody who isn't opposed to sex (or to be having sex with somebody who isn't opposed to love).
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oh gosh, i don't remember that too well, but i can semi-remember it! and it is totally something that would happen: you are quite the charmer, dear friend c:
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Ah, the joys of fresh love. Drink it up hon. And don't ever let it die. (My wife and I hope to be just as nauseating when we're 90)>>1139414>plus, obviously, everybody who values romance hates sex
Oh, honey no. That's not true. I'm a die-hard romantic. And I battle a sexual addiction every day.>everybody who claims otherwise online is an AI bot.
I am not a robot. Silly human.
It's very easy to create a philosophy in which anything that would disprove it simply doesn't exist. It must be so comforting to pack all of your trauma under the umbrella of "a happy life for me simply doesn't exist". I'm sure you've been exhausted trying to find happiness, and it's easier to just say it's not possible and give up. I'm sorry for whatever happened that made you feel so hopeless.
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oh yeah, right, Valentine's Day was a thing that came and went. haven't been on a date in...>checks calendar
about 8 years
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oh... why so long? :c >>1139436>>1139410
...gosh, i genuinely do not think i am capable of feeling in this way. maybe i do not have... these valuable hormones?
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the short answer is that I gave up. the very long answer is not really suited to this board or place.
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...poor sailboat... i hope you will not give up. you can do it! unless i misunderstand. but i still think so.
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I made the mistake of signing up for a dating site 9 months ago. I never did anything with it. and I've been getting their spam advertisements ever since.
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is it... bumble? i have heard good things about bumble! maybe you can just... try it, and see? c:
who knows! You just have to be, i think, honest with your criteria.
you are super cool, we all love you, sailboat!
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I don't know anything about bumble aside from their stock having tanked.
thanks. but unfortunately I know the score.
Dating sites are trash in general. They encourage women to have an unrealistic view of men and charge men out the butt for it. A match made is a customer lost, after all.
The few success stories are usually highly attractive looking people who look great in commercials, and I've never heard of one lasting more than 5 years
On one hand - yes. Agreed. They have been proven to be deliberately built this way. Ain't arguing that.
On the other hand, my sister is in year 5 of her relationship, married the guy and has a 2 year old daughter now.
They met on Tinder.
Granted, maybe you mean more the full on websites than any major apps and I am talking out of my ass. Not like I've ever used them for more than a day or two or had any real faith they'd work for me.
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I'm happy to take things as they come.>>1139444
The right person makes a difference not does it come immediately. I'm dating the same person from this post. >>1136433
. Clearly at the time I was still apprehensive about entering into anything long term. I wanted to play the field. All my previous relationships had been emotional and mental work. Until this relationship I just thought that's what relationships were. I made many compromises with previous partners because I figured it was asking to much to expect the perfect partner. People took me for granted and rebuffed my attempts at genuine affection.
But I guess I also learned. Although my relationships sucked they taught me better how to communicate verbally and non verbally. To respect myself and my needs and honestly how to...be attractive and have the confidence to do so. If you want a dream boat partner you need to learn to be their dream boat too.
It really is up to you, but if I was in your position. I'd put some effort into dating but don't make promises you can't keep. Put conscious effort into it, don't compromise on your values and learn from any failures. It'll probably suck and hurt for a while. But that's true about learning any new skill. Once upon a time you sucked at being a lawyer. So did every lawyer. But through persistence you learned. My partners previous relationships were also trash and they told me how they learned from it too.
Some people get lucky and find their perfect partner through no major effort. But they were just lucky. Same as some people get lucky at money or their careers. But the point is to manufacture your luck and set yourself up for success. You perfect partner may one day come past you and to be honest unless you've learned to care for their needs as much as they can care for yours why would they pick you?
A happy life for me is actually incredibly easy to imagine. I just need to have been born in like 2088 in Canada or similar circumstances instead of 1988 in America. And then I could be a part of a social culture and society where I'm not required to literally have an armed security checkpoint in order to go to my local community center and local religious institution. As well as one where intimacy is looked at with tolerance and understanding instead of judgement and guilt. Gender identity and sexual orientation as well as other status type issues would then be just natural diversity instead of badges of shame.
If LGBT love were perceived as a happy, affirming, and gentle thing instead of a dirty, gross, and degenerate thing, then me doing something like having a romantic vacation kissing in a beautiful park would be an actual possibility instead of a dream I have while looking up details about casual lewdness in public bathrooms.
Eh. That's life. You don't pick your starting line in that race.
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You can be asexual and still be romantic. Difficulties developing romantic feelings can simply be that you aren't encountering someone worth investing that sort of time into.
That person can sneak into your life before you realize it. That's what happened to me, and I certainly wasn't looking for anything.