hello, I made this: >>370
I still stand by the way I've introduced nonbinary people here, so I'll try to answer your other concerns, with that as a background.>Although I just can’t understand or fully accept non-binary people. Transgender people have both major physical (mainly the brain) and mental characteristics that distinguish them from cis people. But as far as I know non-binary people don’t. Seems like most non-binary people don’t even suffer from dysphoria.
I think non-binary people do suffer from dysphoria. There are about a million ways to be non-binary. Some things that it is common to feel dysphoria around:
The way you yourself feel pushed to act in social situation.
If you have a feature that elicits dysphoria, one thing that could occur is, when you percieve this feature of yourself in the mirror, hear them in a recording, or think about what you've done, you won't even recognize it as your own. It will feel alien, almost like someone attatched a foreign body part to you, and it's leeching off of your circulatory system and making you do and look in ways that feel off.
There's good evidence to corroborate this kind of feeling of dysphoria, specifically in genitals, where we see cis people that are born with penises tend to have phantom erections as a part of a complex phantom limb syndrome tied to penile amputations, where as anyone that has a tendency towards dysphoria towards the other sex, usually do not get these kinds of phantom erection feelings, when penises are amputated for medical reasons, giving the impression that their external physical characteristics are not mapped onto their somatosensory cortex in a way that matches their assigned gender, which obviously creates some incongruiety in the mind.
This theory of what dysphoria manifests itself as emotionally and cognitively, as a part of our somatosensory cortex, or any other brain part, is thought to be possible to occur regarding almost any physical or social characteristic, and non-binary people do very much experience dysphoria in many cases, and may thus have a strong need to act or look in ways that are highly unusual for their gender. We do not have strong scientific evidence for a neurological difference between NB people and Cis people, as far as I'm aware, but that does not mean it does not exist, as the theory is virtually unstudied as of right now. It's very much the cutting edge in cognitive neuroscience.
Dysphoria is not the same as not liking something. I can look in the mirror and see something about myself that I don't like, like the tendency for my skin to dry around my nose, or my split ends in my hair, or anything like this, without feeling like that thing I dislike, doesn't belong to me, or is alien. NB people, do not usually simply have a dislike for some facets of gender expression, they usually have feelings of dysphoria regarding them.
Dysphoria and feelings of insecurity/dislike, *can* be like a venn diagram. Sometimes they overlap.>I don’t think a guy that wears dresses, does makeup, or acts in some other stereotypically feminine way should see himself as anything more than I guy who has a feminine personality and likes feminine things, unless he has actual gender dysphoria.
If it was just about how a person categorizes himself this would be great, but it's about more than this.
I think I can tell, that the reason why you don't like the concept of non-binary is because you think it's a bit of a pain for people that have to interact with the non-binary person, to have to suddenly accomodate a new view of what a woman or man, or human can be, into their usually very cis-het normative system of categorization that they use in their day to day life. It seems like a large intrusion, that everyone should have to do this for this minority.
The thing is, though, if you think about it, that effort goes to a very valuable place. The effort we expend to categorize the other person, is a huge service to them. It's something that allows them to live feeling the same amount of suffering, and the same amount of disorder, as a person born with an assigned gender matching their actual gender. It is thus worth it, to accomodate people's wishes, because it alleviates a lot of suffering.
It is not so much a diagnosis of non-binaryness as it is a statement of fact. Hey, this is what I am, this is how I need to experience myself, and if you'd like to be nice to me, and help me avoid suffering, you can respect that, and if you don't have the energy to that day, or if you slip up, this is okay, but at the fundamental level, it would help me become a more functional and congruent person, if you could do this for me. This is basically the gist of it, as I see it. It's not something imagined or delusional, it's a concrete and indisputable personal experience that non-binary people have, that we of course don't have access to or ability to measure as we are all locked in our own consciousness, but must nonetheless accept as being accurate, if we're being generous. The experiences described by NB people align themselves well with current scientific knowledge as a possibility, and we have no way of verifying the veracity of the claim 100% accurately, so it seems only generous and good, to aknowledge their experience as truthful, unless it directly contradicts some concrete knowledge, and accomodate them into society, as we are able and willing.>Why can’t non-binary people just accept that most people don’t fully conform to gender stereotypes, so the fact that they don’t either isn’t really anything significant, and certainly doesn’t make them an entirely different gender, unless they have gender dysphoria? Or am I missing something?
If I was to say you were missing anything, it would be the fact that non-binary people don't understand, that most people don't fully conform to gender stereotypes. Non-binary people are very aware of this. But there's maybe a sliding scale of non-conformity, and at some point it crosses the point of being barely noteworthy exception, to being full-blown disorder, if not adressed. And you still aren't close enough to the opposite gender, maybe, to make a full transition without still feeling very dysfunctional. In this situation, the established binary damns you to a life of suffering. So naturally, you push back, and hope that people will respect it.