No.972372[Last 50 Posts]
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Anyone else been asking themselves that lately? Every day I wake up feeling like a failure.
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>Every day I wake up feeling like a failure.
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I haven't left any impact on this world.
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That doesn’t matter.
What does matter is if you’re happy.
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Join the military!
serve our country.
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That's literally the opposite of what I want to do.
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What kind of impact are you willing to make?
Is it good impact or bad?
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>>972372>Asking, What am I doing with my life?
Yeah. Was just going through some of my old photos from 10 years ago, revamping a website. I do a lot of different things, but that's the problem, I spread myself thin on any one of them and am bound for mediocrity. Although maybe that's not a failure, exactly, perhaps it's a reason not to like me much.>>972386
What impact would satisfy?
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I'm working toward becoming a teacher, and trying not to go bankrupt in the process. it's a tough balance, but I'm far from lost about where I'm going.
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Science, Maths.... Maybe English.
Ooooo, sciency persons. 2smurt4me
Here's hoping I have any students for my own class starting next month.
Digital art. For kids like 12 and up.
There's a company in my are that basically hires locals to do classes for others in whatever they do. And since this is a shitty little town where kids have fuck all to do if they aren't particularly sporty, and my mom has an art store, I have a sort of workshop where I let kids try out tablets and give them tips on character sketching, etc.
Basically, I let them draw whatever they want, but push them a bit into making some more interesting poses, breaking down shape language, understanding body structure, etc.
It's not much, and since danish welfare laws are butts I don't actuall get to keep much of the money I earn, but at least it's work hours I can put down, and I provide something to do around here that was never here when I was growing up.
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I've had the whole summer off to just sit here, so I think I'm doing pretty okay with my life.
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the road to success is paved with the failures came before it.
if you feel like a failure, perhaps it would be good to analyze why, and what you can learn and extract from said feeling/situation?
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I'll be ok if i get a damn job i think. So long as new cool art comes out, i can support myself, and i have a few friends, i'll be okay.
I think the pressures on people today are pretty absurd. Everyone feels like a failure because the expectations for people, even just to eek out a basic existence, are so high and complicated. I think it's all largely bullshit. It's propaganda to try and motivate the workers to make billionaires more money that stopped really meaning anything to them other than a score card decades ago. Our world is polluted with the black roots of corporate greed, down to it's very soul.
Survive, find things you love, do those things as much as you can. If you do that, you'll be able to find all the answers you're looking for, i think.
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Star is always great with motivation. Glad to have you around
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ugh I'm trying.
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The more I am distracted by tasks ahead or fun to be had, the less I do.
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You ARE having an impact tho. And you'll have a bigger one later.
I've actually failed for real. Its not the end of the world so don't worry about when it happens.
Which isn't now so be patient.
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Didn't you used to drive like two hours for an internship and have a fiancee? What's going on these days?
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Ha. Only every single day for most of my adult life
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For what it's worth, you can't get to a worse level of failure than I am at.
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I work at a grocery store.
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...oh Samonuh. i sometimes feel that way about myself too. i wonder if i would be happier if i chose my own path in life instead
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I just feel like I've really failed this past year. I see everyone around me accomplishing their dreams and I'm just a loser. Bad grades, no professor wants to do research with me, only one firm wants me, I'm definitely not going to get a clerkship, etc. I should have chosen to go to a more prestigious school over my scholarship...
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I need friends today
I'm fine. in a manner of speaking. But I need friends.
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Do we count as friends? Or do you need people more local?
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need is probably too strong a word. I strongly desire friends today>>972876
you're fine. I think. I'm not sure what I need.
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Well I'll provide what I'm able, I'm certainly not too busy.
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what are you doing?
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I'm watching some Warhammer while I can't sleep due to digestive problems. What are you up to?
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Warhammer is a show? I thought it was a game
browsing facebook I guess. considering watching She-Ra season 3
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Well I'm watching people play the game on YouTube, to be specific.
She-Ra season 3 was really good, I'd definitely suggest watching that.
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Keep your stick on the ice. We're all in this together.
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I wish they wouldn't release it all at once. I get that some people like to binge watch the show, but some of us like the slow release, and it's annoying seeing spoilers on Tumblr for an entire season worth of content that I'm not used to consuming in one week.>>972883
hey you. how's florida
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Ah, that's fair, yeah. People need to be more careful about spoilers, I think. I try to spoil stuff when I'm talking about it, for sure.
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Hey rainstream.... how exactly do you feel atm?
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not up to dealing with your bullshit. just go away
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Gonna cry? Piss your pants maybe? Maybe.... shit and cum?(Absolutely unacceptable; Please leave the user alone. Violation of Rule 1. USER RECEIVED BAN FOR THIS POST.)
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I don't want to leave.
but I don't want to hurt anyone either
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I want to punch something. it's bad enough I have to deal with this stupid fucking depression that just shows up whenever the hell it feels like and I don't get a say, but now I have to argue with myself over whether or not to leave the one place I feel comfortable just because some asshole wants to be stupid today and nearly got me angry enough to do something equally stupid and I don't want to be around you guys if I'm going to blow up and hurt someone but I don't want to leave either because I really need you right now
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I think we'd understand even if you blew up and hurt someone. That can happen when people are having a bad day.
Yea I've lost my shit too. It happens.
I wouldn't take anything you said right now personally because I know you're having a bad day. If being here is making you feel better, then stay and chill with us. It's ok.
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...i will chill with you too, dear friend. we are all here for you.
I've had that feeling a few times in my life, and I've found, with myself at least, it usually happens when I am working too much or bored. The days seem to start blending together and I end up feeling like I'm not doing enough, like I'm wasting time.>>972902
Do you like Norah Jones? Her music chills me out.
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It seems to me that Rainstream needs antidepressants
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do you need help?
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It reminds me of like music you would hear in a smoky back alley coffee shop
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Also, I was rude on purpose so I can release your emotions in a way that is cathartic.
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I dunno. that seems a bit insensitive. Almost like you were looking for attention. Is there something you're not telling us?
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I have nothing to hide.
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that shirt says otherwise
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what? I don’t understand.
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I wanted to try something new.>>972923
If you say so...
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you know, I was actually feeling better until you showed up again.
There's a precedent for the tactic you employed, but it's exceptionally rare, and almost never works. know the rules before you break them.
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who is the uva luv poni person? Souunds like a cunt
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she can be, but she doesn't understand people well. I'm usually very patient with her, but I was feeling lousy earlier, and well... you said it.
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I don't understand people that well at the best of times, but I understand them enough to not mock them when they clearly feel not the best and dare to be open about it. Fuck this person
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You got a lot of nerve considering your name...
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easy hon. are you sure there's nothing you want to talk about?
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Yea, how can I make it up to you?
I feel bad for being inconsiderate
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My name is a very old joke from years back, people on here know who I am by it and so unfortunately I keep it. doesn't mean I can't have values to not be a dickhead to people
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you can start by apologizing.
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you wanna call me out for being "not charming"? your response to someone feeling bad was "are you gonna piss your pants." suck my ass please and thank you very much.
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I’m sorry for getting on your nerves..
Um, and I’m sorry for being inconsiderate as well as being an inconvenience. and despite my inconsiderate actions, I love you for who you are
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Apology accepted. <3
I know you meant well, but maybe listen when someone says they're not in the mood for something?
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You don’t happen to take meds, do you?
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, I know i'm not part of yall's toxic circlejerk. If they wanna accept that apology that's cool
I do, but I've been out for weeks>>972942
toxicity is one thing, reprimanding someone about being insensitive, while being insensitive is... actually also toxicity. welcome to the club.
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the "you're just as bad for calling it out" thing is very old and by nature very contradictory, but I respect you for sticking to it. enjoy the high horse my friend!
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If you’re serious (like legitimately serious) I suggest you talk to a psychologist about your depression.
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where do you think I got the meds, silly? it's actually a bit backwards to assume that someone must not have talked to a psychologist yet, because it implies that doing so immediately solves the problem. Depression isn't something you can just will away. it's a real battle that sometimes sticks around for years despite your best efforts. I usually just grab a few friends and ride it out until I feel better, but not everyone finds it so easy to defeat.>>972944
and you also
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Have you tried electroconvulsive therapy?
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no, and I don't think I will either. I don't need it
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>>972947>you "ride out" depression til it feels better
please don't listen to this person I implore anyone who reads this
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I did say not everyone finds it so easy to defeat. I don't even know why this works for me. by all rights, it shouldn't.
Are you alright?
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I forgot to mention...
I was tested positive for mild sociopathy.
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sounds about right. how much of it do you understand?
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I mean probably not, i'm drunk and depressed. but still if it's something you're surprised by you probably shouldn't be sharing it as gospel
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Not much tbh...
I didn’t care to look it up.
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They weren't preaching to anyone, they were saying what they do, to help themselves.
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I think you're reading a little too much into some simple observations of mine. What's your drink tonight?>>972961
Does that mean you don't know what sociopathy is?
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fair play, but telling someone to "ride out" depression ends in a fucking body bag and that's the honest truth
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all i know is that It’s a personality disorder.
I’ve been told I sometimes lack conscience
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good thing I didn't tell anyone to ride out their depression then. That would definitely be foolish advice.>>972966
in a sense. Sociopaths have difficulty understanding the emotions of others. Not quite on the level of true psychopathy, but they find it difficult to think beyond sheer rationality and logic. it makes such things as consoling a hurting friend difficult.
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Reminds me a bit of Penn speaking about his weight loss because everyone was asking about his weight loss, it seemed to be really effective. But he had to preface it with "I am a Las Vegas magician and if you take my medical advice you're a dumbass." It worked for him, it's what he did, he can't actually
That said, my depression absolutely was just ridden out. I think it's largely a very physical thing and that it can repair itself and you can get back to your life. Which I say as someone who has no idea what they're talking about, I'm just a lunch lady. But that's my personal experience.
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and the shirt comes off. quaint
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fair enough, yall got cast iron excuses and rationalisations. I just hope if OP reads them they don't compare themselves to you. bunch of self-fellating individuals
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Can't have someone else feeling bad after all.
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It is a painful situation you are in, for sure. But i hope you will keep at it, and persist. Instead of thinking about what you should have done, and imagining it might be better, or different, try to focus on the fact that we cannot know these things, and that where we are in the here and now is what we have to work with.
...i think life has a way of not being how we want it to be. we look at others and compare ourselves. we look at our best self, where everything went right, and even feel envious of that.
But i know for a fact that such thinking brings a great deal of sorrow, and not much else.
We have the here and now, and we must make do. To wallow is dangerous.
i will say, i'm proud of you for hitting law school hard. Grades are grades, and you never know how things will go.
believe me when i say, law school is the worst, the people there are some of the worst you shall meet, but that it is just a tiny, almost impossibly tiny sliver of your legal career
the important thing is that you persist.
and i believe in you. i was once in your shoes too.
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Thank you, Moony. I really appreciate it. The only thing keeping me going is knowing that there are a few people out there who still actually believe in me. It's just that between hearing some of my classmates talking about amazing research they're doing, to others talking about how they're choosing between Cravath and Wachtell, I just feel totally inadequate. I don't understand why the legal profession values student's worth based on grades determined by who can type the fastest in the 3-4 hour time window. Each interview I did, they said I had great credentials experience-wise, but then they got to my grades and I could tell in their eyes that it was over.
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I know I ain't been too active in this thread but... ya seem to be in need of something a la this lil cheer
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Please don't relate whatever happens in law school to reality.
Law school graduates include the worst attorneys out there. Judge your ability to lawyer by your ability to win. The rest is just trappings.
You are great. Don't worry so much!
Same on all points.
Kinda freaky maybe, but I guess we're like that these days.
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I can empathise with the former. I'm also approaching my 30's, I don't have any irl friends, and even if I could go out I probably still wouldn't.
My life has pretty much been in stasis for the past year and a half, and I don't think it's going to end soon. Sure I'm undergoing treatments for my sickness, but nothing seems to be helping, nothing new is being discovered and I doubt there will be any changes at this point. I've went through several arduous periods of being essentially crippled due to my treatments and I've got nothing to show for it. Just more years I've wasted in my life.
As for work... I'm in the exact opposite ballpark. I can't work. And lord have I tried to in these past few years. But I just can't do it. Yet the state refuses to acknowledge it, all because I can't get an official diagnosis, simply because the doctors can't figure out what's wrong with me. So they continue to force me into applying for jobs that I'll never be able to take, paying mere scraps in the meantime with criminally low savings limits, ensuring that I will never be able to move out and try to eke out my own independent living.
And I can't see any of this changing in the foreseeable future.
Another no friends, no life checking in despite my best efforts.
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to anyone whom might be in need... not much i know, however truly care for you all.