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 No.746301[Last 50 Posts]

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i dont who else to talk to. i had a big fight just now with my father.

i work for him. all these times, when i have talked about my boss, or my work, it is him, and his firm.

my parents, but especially my father, are exacting people. my father is possessed of an extreme temper and certain kind of selfishness, in that he often lacks empathy, and relates things only to himself

i have two sisters, but both have fled the home. i remain, because i want to take care of my parents. but i get yelled at a lot. i get paid half as much as i would in an outside firm, and work twice the hours.

and all the while, i am at the whim of my father, who is increasing angry all the time. top of the lungs yelling... every day.

i am usually very good at handling it, if he yells at me. i am very, very good at being yelled at.

today, he yelled at my auntie, who lives with us. she asked me for help with a medicaid application, and then said we should ask father for help

i begged her not to, but she did, and he got extremely upset at some small thing, yelling. But when he started yelling at my auntie, something tripped in my head, and i talked back in defense of her.

i do not usually talk back. i asked him not to be so mean, that this isn't a client, this is our auntie.

he got very upset, point a finger at me, and told me "that's it, i want you to move out by tomorrow."

...which is actually sort of good news. i have lived here against my will for a long time. i could live anywhere, and work anywhere, but i am trapped here with this furious man and kept like a slave to his expectations and anger.

...he then yelled at my auntie again, and i couldn't take it. i yelled at him. at the top of my lungs. i was never so angry in my entire life. never.

i am still shaking. i hate anger. i hate it when people do not look at themselves first, before looking at others for problems.

but i got angry today. Extremely, extremely angry. The kind of anger one feels only one time, perhaps, in their entire lives.

...i'm scared. Scared of what might happen to my father, and ashamed that i could do that to him. Scared of what might happen to my auntie, all because i tried to defend her a little bit. Scared of what the next few days will be like.

i don't know what to do except shake and cry. why do i have to be like this? i feel sick, and i hate myself


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First things first...
>hugs the Moony


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Well don't hate yourself about what happened.  That sort of reaction is normal, and in this case pretty justified.  It's not a pleasant emotion, but try not to dwell on it.

And like you said, moving out and maybe finding another firm could be for the best.

What do you think will happen with your aunt?


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Remember Dragonshy, Iron Will, Discord? The times when Fluttershy-the avatar of kindness and compassion who is taught the same assertiveness lesson for the past 8 years? And the times she snaps into rage?

This is one of those times. And you did it out of defense and not because of being mean. I can't blame you for fighting back. And you shouldn't either.

As for your father, he'll forgive you in time.


I am very sorry to hear that, Moony.
This is not the end for you or your family, though. You will make it through this.


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Go to a different firm. Get your own place.

If your father can't keep his firm afloat without making you a wageslave then it's so mismanaged that it deserves to fail and he deserves to get crushed under its weight.

You're allowed to live your own life.


This is really hard stuff, Moony. I'm so sorry you've been going through all this. But it is not fair to be blaming yourself. I know getting angry isn't pretty, but you did so to defend your auntie. And while you might have wanted to do so in a more calm manner, you can't expect to be this man's anger dump for what I am guessing is decades (or at least years) and not be effected by it. Maybe you can't help but feel ashamed, but you shouldn't. You should be proud for standing up for a loved one (even more so because you had to stand up against another loved one). None of this is your fault, you and your auntie weren't try to do anything unreasonable. This is all his fault.

My take on next steps would be to find your own place, find you own job, and renegotiate your relationship with your father. I don't think he is a bad man, but he thinks it is okay to take his anger out on the family which is not okay. Once you aren't directly under his thumb, if you want to stay close, you should tell him that you would like to do so under the condition that he gets his anger managed. That if he ever snaps at you or someone else in your family that you will withdraw from interaction with him for a time until he gets his anger under control. Then if he loves you and wants you in his life he will have to change his ways. But the converse is that if he doesn't manage his anger, you have to be firm in your resolution to cut him out. If not, then after he sees you are still engaged after he rages, he will not be incentivized to fix his anger issues.


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>>746301  you did great, and he'll get over it.  try to take some time to yourself and cool off a bit before you do anything as a result, though.


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You've done absolutely nothing wrong here. The only thing you could have possibly done better is taking control sooner, and even then, there's no way to know how you could do it without it blowing up in your (or your auntie's) face. I know you don't like anger, but there are rare cases where anger is acceptable, as long as you don't let it spiral, which you didn't. It sounds like you kept yourself under control.
You should never feel bad for defending yourself, and even less for defending someone else, someone that you care about.

As others have pointed out, the blame for this lies squarely on your fathers shoulders. It hurts now, but I have no doubt that with time, you'll survive and thrive.


I don't have much time to offer support unfortunately.

It sounds like you will certainly be better off. Your father should be okay, you haven't given up contact with him completely. I'm concerned about your aunt though.


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I'm not really at all qualified to serve as an advisor here.
First thing and people are gonna hate me for this, can you rationalise and understand the way your father went off against your aunt?
I feel in these case, through all the anger, you need to put in line and know what goes on in the mind of your father.
I feel that his way of dealing with all those things is kind of how he feels he should deal with things.
I hope he's not actually yelling at customers, as that is not a good business practise. But I can get behind the feeling that just because your aunt is family, doesn't mean he should treat her differently than others.

Regardless, though, if he is so proud/ set on having obedient little people around him that he gets you to work at his whim and yell at you to leave the house over this, I want to say that he'll have to reap what he sows.
Here I don't think you have any duty as an adult to put up with that and take care of him. If he doesn't respect you enough tp calm down and treat you reasonably, I think you should just take up his offer and get on your own and let him be with whatever he does on his own.
I am sure you are a capable person to take care of yourself and can benefit from taking control of your own life for yourself. be your own man. Live in kindness towards others, but don't live in full service of others.

I suppose this is too late to say, but I am sure your sisters will be a good place to go to on moments as this, since they already took that decision for themselves for a while.

I'm not sure how to deal now with work. as you can just up and quit and start for your own, but that can be risky. I suppose the ball is in his court there. Though I can imagine work will be strenuous and stressful even more.

Please don't give in to your desire to please your father and being an obedient son again.
That is not really how it should work.


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There's no reason to be ashamed moony. Anger alone isn't a bad thing, it's how we use it. Yes, it can be destructive, but it can also be a powerful motivator and catalyst for positive change. Anger tells us something is wrong and needs to be changed, even if it doesn't always make it clear what that wrong is. You just need to learn how to channel it properly. From what i can tell, your father has driven away everyone around him, and you're just next on the list. From how he's treated you, and everyone around you, it's entirely justified to be angry at him. You don't owe him anything anymore. Watch over your aunt, get your own place, get a new job that gives you the respect and wage you deserve.

You always try to take on everyone's problems, and i admire that about you, but sometimes all we can do is wait until the ramifications of one's actions come crashing down on someone for them to snap them into self-reflection. It hurts, but sometimes it's the best way to help someone. Sometimes it's the only way forward.

Your father's anger is not your responsibility moony. I may be overstepping here, and i'm sorry if i am, but i think the only thing that will knock some sense into him is when he finds himself entirely alone, so maybe you leaving him and not looking back is actually part of the process that's going to help him.

You're incredibly strong and capable moony. I know you can get through this. I know you can find a solution. Give it a few days, and things will become clearer, i know they will. I'm always here for you, on discord, on here. Hell, you should still have my phone number, call me up if you need to talk. Your kindness makes you friends, and friends make you strong. One day your father might see this too.


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Poor Moony.

I'm glad you got angry. It's only natural in a situation like that, and it sounds like your father more than had it coming.

You deserve a job that pays and lets you have free hours

you deserve freedom from your Parents' tyrannical controlling style

you deserve to be surrounded by people that love you, and to lead your own life. Use this as an opportunity to get the things you deserve, and sever the connection to these people.

That's what I would do anyways.

I love you, moons. I hope you and your auntie are doing alright.


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Jesus... I had no idea that your father was so incredibly controlling and abusive. I'm so sorry, Moony.

But you shouldn't be ashamed for what you did. The fact that your sisters had to flee from the household and that your father always yells at you tells me that your father is probably not a good person. You're too good to worry about the likes of him, and it might be better to use this opportunity to just cut ties with him altogether.

Maybe you can look at your sisters for refuge, until you can find a new job and a new home so you can get back on your feet.

After all you've done, you deserve so much better. And I truly hope that you'll be better off once everything is settled.

Be strong in the days to come, and I wish you the best of luck.


So your relationship was bad for a long time and now happened was was bound to sooner or later.
Don't be afraid of anger. It is an emotion we have for a reason.
You've been seeing where too much anger leads and tried to be the unhealthy antithesis, didn't work out either.
You can certainly make your way without constantly taking his crap, but even more than that I hope you find a mental and emotional balance that benefits others no more than yourself.

>i don't know what to do except shake and cry.
Might just do it to get it out your system. Or something else to release the tension.

Take it easy and put yourself first, I mean I almost had to fisticuff with my old man once because we both wanted our ways, and we're pretty good with each other.


Holy sviit.. moon moon.
Im so sorrie
*Hugd and holds*


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Dude, you simple got over the edge. You shouldn't bottle up anger. Didn't you watch All Bottled Up episode with starlight? You got EXACTLY the same thing.

You need to learn how to be more selfish Moony. Get pride Moony, if your father doesn't want to help your aunt you should just tell him that she doesn't need his help cus you can do it yourself (though I am not sure if that's true).

Also don't be fucking sucker... don't work for your parent if he won't pay you good. Like you aren't his slave dude. I know you care about your parents but that doesn't mean you should put your good over their cus hoenstly that's the PARENT job but from  your story, I am sorry but your father doesn't sound like a good parent at all.

Don't hate yourself. It's the first step for a good change imo.


Anger is normal, it's healthy, it's part of being human. It's only a problem when it gets out of control, excessive. Sounds like it was warranted in this situation.

It's definitely for the best that you move out if you can. Take control of your own life. He is exploiting you and that is wrong.


Agreed. I think his father has made an important decision for him.

Sometimes, when other methods fail, anger can end up being a self defense mechanism.


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Sounds like you've been suffering for way too long and that it was an expected reaction of what you've gone through.

As someone who is practicing law for the justice of the underdog, you should be aware of regardless of relations what you've been through is just not right, that your father had you against your will in terms of employment you did not agree on. I think it's important to realise that your father is seriously a toxic element in your life and that if he is not going to support your endeavours then you should prevent him going against them.

Virtually speaking, we're all here for you Moons and you should not be ashamed at being angry towards those who've treated you or the people you love so terribly.


>SUUUUPER tight hugs

From what I can see, there isn't much I can say that hasn't already been said.

What you've been through is scary, but it is also perfectly normal, and it CERTAINLY was NOT wrong for you to react as you did. You did NOT do anything wrong. Not at all. Please do not feel guilty.

Being angry in the defense of someone else who is being unfairly treated is far more than justified. It is right. What you did is good.

Now to summarize the things I agree with in this thread:

You did nothing wrong.
You're a good person.
Your leaving that abusive situation is a VERY good thing.
Please, for your sake, follow through on getting out of there while there is an opening.
Now, this may be scary, but I believe in you. You're strong, smart, mature, and know how to handle yourself. You can do this.

I'm rooting for you, and I'm always available on Discord if you ever want to chat or just hang out.
>love and hugs


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Move out. Actually move. Get out, run even.

Now that that's out of the way:


Moony you are too good for what the world is throwing at you.

I am very proud of you for this. For letting yourself get angry. Sometimes letting yourself be angry is a good thing. Because sometimes getting angry gets things done.

You did nothing wrong.

Repeat: You did NOTHING wrong

Repeat that to yourself over and over while you get your things and get out. Because now, you have to get out, and I think you will find the world gets a little brighter.

This isn't easy, and it never is easy, but it will pass, and it will get better.


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Jesus Moony

My phone is about to die, but I want you to know it will be ok and we all love you very much. As soon as I am home, I will get on my computer and you can message me if you need to, or just stay here in this thread.

We love you Moony, it will be ok.


Honestly, Artee is right Moons. Once you've calmed down, you should take that into consideration.


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I agree with this, more or less.

This is a good time to leave, let things cool down, apply for a new job and when you land a position you can make the move to a new location.

Be it Doctor Stranges neighborhood or somewhere entirely different. But you really do need to get yourself out of what seems like a really abusive situation.


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Moony, this is my Discord if you want it.

I don't want you to feel like you have to message us, but I'm just leaving it here for you if you need to, ok?



This makes me sick.


...thank you all for your messages of wisdom and comfort. so many of you too also reached out to me in private.

i didn't end up going to work today. i am still at home. i talked to my mother a bit.

i don't know what to do, and i am scared. but thank you all, for your kindness, and your help.

i haven't responded because i am not sure what to say. i don't know what to do.

but i will be okay. there is too much work to be done for me to not be okay. i will start looking for another job. i can find a place to live quickly, if the need arises.

...but i wish it hadn't happened this way. i feel so lost right now.


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Does your mom live with your dad too? Can you go to her?

What about your sisters? Can you go live with them for a while?


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Hit me up in private if you want to talk Moony. I'll chat anytime you'd like.


Sorry to hear that moony. That sounds awful and you must feel awful. I hope things will work out best for you.


I am glad you're doing ok, moony. I'd be happy to talk if you need


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it has been a long day. thank you all for helping me to get through it. i must have read each of your posts four times.

i'm going to go to work tomorrow, and for a little while longer, to wrap up my cases: i owe it to at least my clients to do that for them.

i own half of a small house, in a different neighborhood: a split investment, with my mother.

i might go hide there, with an air mattress or something. the tenant's just recently moved out... and it's my house, i own it. half of it, at least. but i'm still staying at home, for the time being.

...i am sorry for not talking to anyone in private about this. it is not that i didn't want to. i just... couldn't pick who to talk to, and didn't want anyone to feel bad.

i love you all though, i really do. i cannot remember ever a point in my life where i had so much support like this, it is so surreal, but i am so grateful.

i will be okay, i think. i am no stranger to misfortune.

if ever i can help any of you, too... please, let me know. especially when i do get my own place, i should hope i can always make it available to any of you, should similar trouble find you, God forbid.


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Sure, let me know when you can show me around New York and we can drink.


Do you have enough set aside?


yes. do not worry about me, anon. if there is one thing i am good at, it is scrupulous saving.

...i would like that, tracer. i know exactly the place i'd bring you for drinks, no less.

...though i cannot drink, myself.


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Sounds like a plan.


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I'll order you a Cinderella cocktail, don't worry.


I think you've had more than enough tragedy for one month


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Sounds like you've got a plan, then.  Take some time to relax, if you can, don't let yourself get too stressed out.


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Oh, Moony, that sounds really tough.

I don't really have anything else to add that people haven't already, but I feel for you.

And I'm proud of you for standing up to your dad like that, especially in defense of your aunt. I know that sort of thing feels horrible, trust me, I do, but you did the right thing. If you won't stand up for yourself, you at least have to be willing to stand up for others.

And hey, all this is pretty stressful and bad, but at least some good things are going to come out of it.

You'll be able to live on your own, and find a place to work at that treats you and pays you the way you deserve.

I think you're making the right choice to stick around to finish your current client's cases, that's really good of you.

I believe in you Moony, I know you can get through this. <3


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I'm not sure how much I'm qualified to talk about something like this. I've had more than a few dark splashes on my past and I've experienced a lot of the same ordeals with my parents, though with a lot more drama than anger.

I would suggest taking some time to breathe and try to clear your head. I'm sure you have a ton of emotions swirling and swimming around your head and you are probably feeling both destroyed and betrayed. Do what you can and get your emotions calmed down and under control.

Once the worst of the storm has passed, you need to sit down and think. Is all of this worth it. I know you want to care for your parents, but right now it looks like that's only one sided. You need to sit down and decide if this is honestly really worth it anymore, and if you decide that it's not than you need to act. Act and do what you have to do.

Now for my opinion. You are in a bad situation. Very bad. Your dad is an ass and he will not get better. I know you care about him and your mom, but the only person who will care about you the most is you and yourself. This is not a good situation for you. You're being attacked for standing up for family. Your own dad basically said to get out of his house and you said it yourself he's getting increasingly angry and yelling. Honestly it would be best to get out soon before something worse happens.

But as I said, take some time, breathe and try to get yourself under control and decide for yourself what you need to do. Just remember we are all here for you no matter what you decide.


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Finally got off my phone, maybe I can articulate a little bit better, now.

I can't really offer better advice than anyone else is right now and you seem to be doing what's right for yourself which I'm glad to hear.

You are smart and you are strong, but all the same I kinda worry about you. To that, I would say don't give up on yourself. You're a good person and I hope you don't put the blame on yourself. It's not fair to yourself and it's only going to bring you down more. Given what you've said, it sounds like it was only a matter of a time before your relationship fell apart and I'm sorry it happened this way, but I don't know how else it could have happened. None of that is your fault.

Again, I'd happily talk to you if you need it.


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I know i already texted you and sent you a message on discord, but i'm gonna send you support here too, because why not? You're gonna be ok moony, and we're all here for you. I know i am.


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>...he then yelled at my auntie again, and i couldn't take it. i yelled at him. at the top of my lungs. i was never so angry in my entire life. never.
>ashamed that i could do that to him
>why do i have to be like this?
Moony, I know you've got very deeply rooted morals when it comes to dealing with family, and I really, really hope you don't take this the wrong way, but at the same time...I think there's no other way to say this than straight up.

Good. It's not good that your father lashed out like that, and perhaps it's not the best to have actually yelled, but it is definitely, unambiguously a good thing that you've finally stood up to him. If a family member is being abusive, sitting there and taking it, or worse yet, sitting there and watching someone else take it, is not only not the right thing to do, it is flat out, pointblank, the wrong thing to do.

Losing one's temper is rarely constructive, but the fact that you of all people actually lost yours just goes to show how much abuse he's been doling out, and gives you significant justification in having done so. You are not a bad person for it by any stretch of the imagination.

You are not the guilty party here. It's extremely important that you understand that. Making you believe you are to blame for the abuse you receive, or that you are somehow wrong to defend yourself, is one of the hallmarks of a toxic relationship built on emotional manipulation.

It's understandable to feel shaken up by this, but you should know, accept, and acknowledge that it was not your fault. Now that you've not only been given permission, but an actual demand to get out of there, do so. Perhaps take your auntie with you as well, if you can. "Kicking you out" could very well be the best thing your father has ever done for you, in a sense.


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Hope you're feeling better!

You got this.


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Moony, I'm here to talk if you need to. It may not seem like it, but I understand a bit of what you are going through.


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Gosh, Moony, that's terrible what happened to you. :-(

I think it would be for the best if you spend some time away from your father.  Find a new apartment to live in and move out of your parents' home.  Start job hunting for a new job.  In time, you and your father may reconcile.  But right now, he is treating you very badly, and nobody deserves to be treated like that.

Also, what Starlight said: >>746548


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I... I'm crying.
>hug Moony

I wish I could have seen this sooner but i'm relying on a solar charger to keep my phone alive out here and the brightness required during the day kills what charge I am able to get.

I'm so sorry you were forced to do that. It's not your fault and it even makes me angry that this happened. I understand how much family means to you.

As a few others have said, Even Fluttershy is forced into anger at rare times, and there is nothing wrong with that. As Abraham Lincoln said "you can tell a man's greatness not by what makes him happy, but by what makes him angry."
You defended your auntie. I'm so proud of you and...

I don't even know what else to say but you're an amazing and beautiful person and you don't deserve this and I just want to hug you. I'm praying for you, and your father. I pray he would see what he has done to his children and learn better to love them. He will certainly forgive you in time if he does love you.

You're too good for this world, Moony. I just...

>hugs tight


This. All of this. I couldn't have said it while I'm crying but this is super important to take note of.


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oh, Moony... i am sorry you have had to put up with that and go through this..
i cant really offer any advice except to say that what everyone else has said is very wise...
but i just wanted to let you know, like everyone else i am here for you as well.

you are probably the strongest person i know Moony.. i understand how hard this must be.. but you will make it through and come away from it even stronger and more understanding than before..


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Don't show any sign of weakness against him because if you do he will use you unfairly to unburden his anger or rage when he has a bad day.

Be indifferent, be cold, ignore him, don't speak him, throw him indirects, don't help him, be insolent, don't respect him even if is your father.

Was his fault, he deserves your indifference and anger.
Until he feels sorry for what he done.

No one has the right to do that type of things on other persons.

Don't feel bad for this.

Use this experience as a learning to use for the future
Get out of that place and start a new beginning.

Mandalo a la chingada


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> Be indifferent, be cold, ignore him, don't speak him, throw him indirects, don't help him, be insolent, don't respect him even if is your father.
I don't think it's ever well to be contrarian for the sake of being contrarian.

I suppose kids can do that somertimes, but it's not a good or healthy way to go about this.


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I did it many times to put people in their places without using my fists when they hurt me or when they use me to unburden unfairly their anger.

and it has worked for me.

And to be honest I don't care about them.

In my case I can't stand people being unfair to others.
Or in my case I can't really stand people when acts unfairly to me when they have a bad day or they want only to hurt me without reason.
And sadly I suffered that a lot in the past and I did nothing because I was afraid  to hurt people feelings until one day I got tired and now I don't let anyone to hurt me.

So yeah I can be nice, calm, patient and respectful to others.
But I have that rebel, insolent, defensive, not giving a fuck, egoistic, indifferent side to my enemies.

Sorry if anyone finds this uncomfortable or don't agreed with my point of view of how I treat my enemies in that way.

But I prefer to be honest with all of you

So good night


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I'm with you on that, einhorn.


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I agree with PP, that's bad advice.
You shouldn't treat him differently. You should simple become better than him.


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i am truly grateful for all of the guidance i have had from all of you.

i still am kind of lost. even this discussion, the back and forth, is helping me put together an idea of how i should... go and be.

...that said, if there is one thing i cannot be, it is indifferent and cold, or disrespectful and insolent. i mean, i can be it, physically. but it is not who i am: i do not like to do that, ever.

...i'm back at work today. i have a lot of work to catch up on. it will be a long day.

but... at least i have all of you! And there will be a future to look forward to, if i just persist a little longer.


...this is the most open i have ever been, i think, on the internet, or anywhere, even. i usually really, really, really do not like to talk about myself or my problems.

...thank you all for listening. i keep reading everyone's messages, and it helps. it really does.


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I'm glad we've been able to help, Moony.  Soon things'll pick up for you, I think.


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...i hope so, mondo. if i can do better, i can do more for all of you


I wish you the best; just try not to lose sight of whatever you ultimately decide to do


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We love you little moon.

Wolf's offer still stands should you need it.


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Please keep us posted on your progress. We need to know our Moonykins is okay.


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>squeezes huggles rubs your back


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>Headpat for Moony
The confusion will pass. You will be alright, I am quite certain of that. As difficult as this is, there's also potential for growth, for good things in this. I wish you endurance for the immediate day, in hopes that it will make the day feel at least a minute shorter.
In any case, you are gonna be alright.


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>deep, meaningful hugs

I think after 7(?) years of MLP and friendship we've learn and built, this moment, this crisis is where it all pays off.


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You've always, always, been there for us. Every, single, one of us.

You do not have to do more, or better for us. We just want you to be happy because we all love you man.

You're an amazing person and you deserve to be happy.


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...hello dear friends, and thank you. i've been trying to keep it together all day, and be myself as much as possible, but honestly, it feels like i am swimming uphill against a very strong wave of misery.

i feel kind of stomach sick. i still have to see my father, at work, at home, and i have tried to apologize and things, and he has been receptive. which i am grateful for.

..nonetheless, i do intend to make good and move out and find new work and things.

i'm currently still in the office right now though. it has been a rough day. i have tried my best to keep my head down to avoid attention.

...i also slacked a lot today, posting here. much more than usual. i just don't have any joy or spirit in working on anything, though i force myself to grind through all the stuff i have to do.

it's 8 and i am still here. maybe, i will be here until 11 tonight. ...but things will change, if not right away, then soon.

at least, there is some light at the end of the tunnel, and that, along with all of you, keeps me going, i think.



Just get through this next bit.


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Since you co-own the house with your mother, I think moving there is your best option.

Send out your resume, update your LinkedIn, and leave as soon as your final contract is up with your customers.

By how you spoke you could afford to be without an income for a short period. Be professional, or course. Give a two weeks notice if you're able. You just gotta get outta there man.


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>By how you spoke you could afford to be without an income for a short period.
I advise against quitting before having a new job lined up.  It places you in a weaker position when looking for a new job and negotiating salary.


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I normally wouldn't suggest it, if his situation wasn't so bad. Plus he said he gets paid half of what any other lawfirm would pay for him. So he's not ignorant on his worth. Odds are he'd make more money than he is now.


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totally understandable. Do what you need to do, bud.


Honestly, I have faith you'll make the right decisions.


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You'll make it moonymoons, I know you will. It will be weird and a little hard at first but then soon everything will just fit together. Like a candle and a glove.


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Stick with it.  We're all here for you.


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i am home, finally. i am so tired, i am going to bed.

Thank you for everything, dear friends <3


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Get some rest.


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I've had some difficulty recently with my mom, whom I live with. The conditions are different than yours. I have no career, no family (of my own), I'm living at home "like a loser"... Those kinds of things. My mother is neither aggressively condescending nor exacting of me, though sometimes I wish she would be. It's complicated to go into, but I feel guilty because of the resentment I feel toward her. No one would look at my situation and say, "You have a right to be angry." Every time I think I am rude to her, or cold, or short, I come away thinking, "Okay, but next time I will really treat her as she deserves." But the distance comes from an emotional place, not one that can be easily sorted out through planning.

When I look at things, I notice that I now tend to see the kinds of decisions that my mother made over the years from the perspective of an adult. In my own dealings with the world, I feel I am in a place to make judgments about which choices were of service or disservice to myself and my brother growing up (and on-going, in the form of automatic perceptions). I may be justified in some of these judgments. But it puts me in a conundrum, because such thinking is different than the "love" which ought to guide me in such a unique and sacred relationship. But surely, this same relationship, along with the life that I've had with my parents, is a deep part of my self-perception and relates intimately to my questions about "how to be in the world". It is something that I am entitled to want to make sense of. Sometimes that need manifests as anger. I think it can be a big thing when that aspect of our lives gets "rocked".


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hey moony...

>hugs <3

it will be okay...

it seems to me that this was something that needed to come out

want to chat a bit?


File: 1526449653424.jpg (375.01 KB, 1200x977, 1200:977, 61270397_p2_master1200.jpg) ImgOps Exif Google

Zebra dudes right, you should rest for now, after a long day you had.



How are things going for you, Moons?  I hope things have calmed down since Monday?

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