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i dont who else to talk to. i had a big fight just now with my father.37 posts and 22 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.
i work for him. all these times, when i have talked about my boss, or my work, it is him, and his firm.
my parents, but especially my father, are exacting people. my father is possessed of an extreme temper and certain kind of selfishness, in that he often lacks empathy, and relates things only to himself
i have two sisters, but both have fled the home. i remain, because i want to take care of my parents. but i get yelled at a lot. i get paid half as much as i would in an outside firm, and work twice the hours.
and all the while, i am at the whim of my father, who is increasing angry all the time. top of the lungs yelling... every day.
i am usually very good at handling it, if he yells at me. i am very, very good at being yelled at.
today, he yelled at my auntie, who lives with us. she asked me for help with a medicaid application, and then said we should ask father for help
i begged her not to, but she did, and he got extremely upset at some small thing, yelling. But when he started yelling at my auntie, something tripped in my head, and i talked back in defense of her.
i do not usually talk back. i asked him not to be so mean, that this isn't a client, this is our auntie.
he got very upset, point a finger at me, and told me "that's it, i want you to move out by tomorrow."
...which is actually sort of good news. i have lived here against my will for a long time. i could live anywhere, and work anywhere, but i am trapped here with this furious man and kept like a slave to his expectations and anger.
...he then yelled at my auntie again, and i couldn't take it. i yelled at him. at the top of my lungs. i was never so angry in my entire life. never.
i am still shaking. i hate anger. i hate it when people do not look at themselves first, before looking at others for problems.
but i got angry today. Extremely, extremely angry. The kind of anger one feels only one time, perhaps, in their entire lives.
...i'm scared. Scared of what might happen to my father, and ashamed that i could do that to him. Scared of what might happen to my auntie, all because i tried to defend her a little bit. Scared of what the next few days will be like.
i don't know what to do except shake and cry. why do i have to be like this? i feel sick, and i hate myself
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Sounds like a plan.
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I'll order you a Cinderella cocktail, don't worry.
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Sounds like you've got a plan, then. Take some time to relax, if you can, don't let yourself get too stressed out.
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Oh, Moony, that sounds really tough.
I don't really have anything else to add that people haven't already, but I feel for you.
And I'm proud of you for standing up to your dad like that, especially in defense of your aunt. I know that sort of thing feels horrible, trust me, I do, but you did the right thing. If you won't stand up for yourself, you at least have to be willing to stand up for others.
And hey, all this is pretty stressful and bad, but at least some good things are going to come out of it.
You'll be able to live on your own, and find a place to work at that treats you and pays you the way you deserve.
I think you're making the right choice to stick around to finish your current client's cases, that's really good of you.
I believe in you Moony, I know you can get through this. <3
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I'm not sure how much I'm qualified to talk about something like this. I've had more than a few dark splashes on my past and I've experienced a lot of the same ordeals with my parents, though with a lot more drama than anger.
I would suggest taking some time to breathe and try to clear your head. I'm sure you have a ton of emotions swirling and swimming around your head and you are probably feeling both destroyed and betrayed. Do what you can and get your emotions calmed down and under control.
Once the worst of the storm has passed, you need to sit down and think. Is all of this worth it. I know you want to care for your parents, but right now it looks like that's only one sided. You need to sit down and decide if this is honestly really worth it anymore, and if you decide that it's not than you need to act. Act and do what you have to do.
Now for my opinion. You are in a bad situation. Very bad. Your dad is an ass and he will not get better. I know you care about him and your mom, but the only person who will care about you the most is you and yourself. This is not a good situation for you. You're being attacked for standing up for family. Your own dad basically said to get out of his house and you said it yourself he's getting increasingly angry and yelling. Honestly it would be best to get out soon before something worse happens.
But as I said, take some time, breathe and try to get yourself under control and decide for yourself what you need to do. Just remember we are all here for you no matter what you decide.
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Finally got off my phone, maybe I can articulate a little bit better, now.
I can't really offer better advice than anyone else is right now and you seem to be doing what's right for yourself which I'm glad to hear.
You are smart and you are strong, but all the same I kinda worry about you. To that, I would say don't give up on yourself. You're a good person and I hope you don't put the blame on yourself. It's not fair to yourself and it's only going to bring you down more. Given what you've said, it sounds like it was only a matter of a time before your relationship fell apart and I'm sorry it happened this way, but I don't know how else it could have happened. None of that is your fault.
Again, I'd happily talk to you if you need it.
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I know i already texted you and sent you a message on discord, but i'm gonna send you support here too, because why not? You're gonna be ok moony, and we're all here for you. I know i am.
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>...he then yelled at my auntie again, and i couldn't take it. i yelled at him. at the top of my lungs. i was never so angry in my entire life. never. >ashamed that i could do that to him>why do i have to be like this?
Moony, I know you've got very deeply rooted morals when it comes to dealing with family, and I really, really hope you don't take this the wrong way, but at the same time...I think there's no other way to say this than straight up.
Good. It's not good that your father lashed out like that, and perhaps it's not the best to have actually yelled, but it is definitely, unambiguously a good thing that you've finally stood up to him. If a family member is being abusive, sitting there and taking it, or worse yet, sitting there and watching someone else take it, is not only not the right thing to do, it is flat out, pointblank, the wrong thing to do.
Losing one's temper is rarely constructive, but the fact that you of all people actually lost yours just goes to show how much abuse he's been doling out, and gives you significant justification in having done so. You are not a bad person for it by any stretch of the imagination.
You are not the guilty party here. It's extremely important that you understand that. Making you believe you are to blame for the abuse you receive, or that you are somehow wrong to defend yourself, is one of the hallmarks of a toxic relationship built on emotional manipulation.
It's understandable to feel shaken up by this, but you should know, accept, and acknowledge that it was not your fault. Now that you've not only been given permission, but an actual demand to get out of there, do so. Perhaps take your auntie with you as well, if you can. "Kicking you out" could very well be the best thing your father has ever done for you, in a sense.
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Hope you're feeling better!
You got this.
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Gosh, Moony, that's terrible what happened to you. :-(
I think it would be for the best if you spend some time away from your father. Find a new apartment to live in and move out of your parents' home. Start job hunting for a new job. In time, you and your father may reconcile. But right now, he is treating you very badly, and nobody deserves to be treated like that.
Also, what Starlight said: >>746548
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I... I'm crying.
I wish I could have seen this sooner but i'm relying on a solar charger to keep my phone alive out here and the brightness required during the day kills what charge I am able to get.
I'm so sorry you were forced to do that. It's not your fault and it even makes me angry that this happened. I understand how much family means to you.
As a few others have said, Even Fluttershy is forced into anger at rare times, and there is nothing wrong with that. As Abraham Lincoln said "you can tell a man's greatness not by what makes him happy, but by what makes him angry."
You defended your auntie. I'm so proud of you and...
I don't even know what else to say but you're an amazing and beautiful person and you don't deserve this and I just want to hug you. I'm praying for you, and your father. I pray he would see what he has done to his children and learn better to love them. He will certainly forgive you in time if he does love you.
You're too good for this world, Moony. I just...
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oh, Moony... i am sorry you have had to put up with that and go through this..
i cant really offer any advice except to say that what everyone else has said is very wise...
but i just wanted to let you know, like everyone else i am here for you as well.
you are probably the strongest person i know Moony.. i understand how hard this must be.. but you will make it through and come away from it even stronger and more understanding than before..
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Don't show any sign of weakness against him because if you do he will use you unfairly to unburden his anger or rage when he has a bad day.
Be indifferent, be cold, ignore him, don't speak him, throw him indirects, don't help him, be insolent, don't respect him even if is your father.
Was his fault, he deserves your indifference and anger.
Until he feels sorry for what he done.
No one has the right to do that type of things on other persons.
Don't feel bad for this.
Use this experience as a learning to use for the future
Get out of that place and start a new beginning.
Mandalo a la chingada
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>>746580> Be indifferent, be cold, ignore him, don't speak him, throw him indirects, don't help him, be insolent, don't respect him even if is your father.
I don't think it's ever well to be contrarian for the sake of being contrarian.
I suppose kids can do that somertimes, but it's not a good or healthy way to go about this.
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I did it many times to put people in their places without using my fists when they hurt me or when they use me to unburden unfairly their anger.
and it has worked for me.
And to be honest I don't care about them.
In my case I can't stand people being unfair to others.
Or in my case I can't really stand people when acts unfairly to me when they have a bad day or they want only to hurt me without reason.
And sadly I suffered that a lot in the past and I did nothing because I was afraid to hurt people feelings until one day I got tired and now I don't let anyone to hurt me.
So yeah I can be nice, calm, patient and respectful to others.
But I have that rebel, insolent, defensive, not giving a fuck, egoistic, indifferent side to my enemies.
Sorry if anyone finds this uncomfortable or don't agreed with my point of view of how I treat my enemies in that way.
But I prefer to be honest with all of you
So good night
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I'm with you on that, einhorn.
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I agree with PP, that's bad advice.
You shouldn't treat him differently. You should simple become better than him.
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i am truly grateful for all of the guidance i have had from all of you.
i still am kind of lost. even this discussion, the back and forth, is helping me put together an idea of how i should... go and be.
...that said, if there is one thing i cannot be, it is indifferent and cold, or disrespectful and insolent. i mean, i can be it, physically. but it is not who i am: i do not like to do that, ever.
...i'm back at work today. i have a lot of work to catch up on. it will be a long day.
but... at least i have all of you! And there will be a future to look forward to, if i just persist a little longer.
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I'm glad we've been able to help, Moony. Soon things'll pick up for you, I think.
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...i hope so, mondo. if i can do better, i can do more for all of you
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We love you little moon.
Wolf's offer still stands should you need it.
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Please keep us posted on your progress. We need to know our Moonykins is okay.
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Mooners>squeezes huggles rubs your back
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>Headpat for Moony
The confusion will pass. You will be alright, I am quite certain of that. As difficult as this is, there's also potential for growth, for good things in this. I wish you endurance for the immediate day, in hopes that it will make the day feel at least a minute shorter.
In any case, you are gonna be alright.
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>>746755>deep, meaningful hugs
I think after 7(?) years of MLP and friendship we've learn and built, this moment, this crisis is where it all pays off.
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You've always, always
, been there for us. Every, single, one of us.
You do not have to do more, or better for us. We just want you to be happy because we all love you man.
You're an amazing person and you deserve to be happy.
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...hello dear friends, and thank you. i've been trying to keep it together all day, and be myself as much as possible, but honestly, it feels like i am swimming uphill against a very strong wave of misery.
i feel kind of stomach sick. i still have to see my father, at work, at home, and i have tried to apologize and things, and he has been receptive. which i am grateful for.
..nonetheless, i do intend to make good and move out and find new work and things.
i'm currently still in the office right now though. it has been a rough day. i have tried my best to keep my head down to avoid attention.
...i also slacked a lot today, posting here. much more than usual. i just don't have any joy or spirit in working on anything, though i force myself to grind through all the stuff i have to do.
it's 8 and i am still here. maybe, i will be here until 11 tonight. ...but things will change, if not right away, then soon.
at least, there is some light at the end of the tunnel, and that, along with all of you, keeps me going, i think.
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Since you co-own the house with your mother, I think moving there is your best option.
Send out your resume, update your LinkedIn, and leave as soon as your final contract is up with your customers.
By how you spoke you could afford to be without an income for a short period. Be professional, or course. Give a two weeks notice if you're able. You just gotta get outta there man.
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>>747351>By how you spoke you could afford to be without an income for a short period.
I advise against quitting before having a new job lined up. It places you in a weaker position when looking for a new job and negotiating salary.
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I normally wouldn't suggest it, if his situation wasn't so bad. Plus he said he gets paid half of what any other lawfirm would pay for him. So he's not ignorant on his worth. Odds are he'd make more money than he is now.
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totally understandable. Do what you need to do, bud.
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You'll make it moonymoons, I know you will. It will be weird and a little hard at first but then soon everything will just fit together. Like a candle and a glove.
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Stick with it. We're all here for you.
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i am home, finally. i am so tired, i am going to bed.
Thank you for everything, dear friends <3
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I've had some difficulty recently with my mom, whom I live with. The conditions are different than yours. I have no career, no family (of my own), I'm living at home "like a loser"... Those kinds of things. My mother is neither aggressively condescending nor exacting of me, though sometimes I wish she would be. It's complicated to go into, but I feel guilty because of the resentment I feel toward her. No one would look at my situation and say, "You have a right to be angry." Every time I think I am rude to her, or cold, or short, I come away thinking, "Okay, but next time I will really treat her as she deserves." But the distance comes from an emotional place, not one that can be easily sorted out through planning.
When I look at things, I notice that I now tend to see the kinds of decisions that my mother made over the years from the perspective of an adult. In my own dealings with the world, I feel I am in a place to make judgments about which choices were of service or disservice to myself and my brother growing up (and on-going, in the form of automatic perceptions). I may be justified in some of these judgments. But it puts me in a conundrum, because such thinking is different than the "love" which ought to guide me in such a unique and sacred relationship. But surely, this same relationship, along with the life that I've had with my parents, is a deep part of my self-perception and relates intimately to my questions about "how to be in the world". It is something that I am entitled to want to make sense of. Sometimes that need manifests as anger. I think it can be a big thing when that aspect of our lives gets "rocked".
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it will be okay...
it seems to me that this was something that needed to come out
want to chat a bit?
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Zebra dudes right, you should rest for now, after a long day you had. <3