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 No.1035882[View All]

File: 1590385903448.png (180.6 KB, 535x593, 535:593, 1679.png) ImgOps Google

So uhh, I feel like some of you already know me... and some of you may not know me.

I guess we could call this an introduction(?) thread, but maybe also just a general "if you have questions" thread too.

I dunno, I guess it boils down to simply...

hi.
309 posts and 250 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.1047076

>>1047072
Do they let you know anything about your organ donor?  Who it was, how they died.  I'd wonder about my adopted organ.

 No.1047079

File: 1595632636775.png (111.78 KB, 490x509, 490:509, 1836.png) ImgOps Google

>>1047076
Yeah, it took me a while but I found out it came from a guy in his mid 30's who was killed in a drunk driving accident. He was struck from behind and died soon after they rushed him to the hospital.

For the life of me, I don't remember the name. Only thing I do know is the mother wanted to listen to the heart beat, which she did in the hospital when I was leaving. It was a somber moment, and afterwards I needed some therapy because of my destructive mentality about "stealing a life from someone else".

 No.1047082

>>1047079
Seems to me more like you helped a mother find some kind of silver lining in her son's senseless death.

You dont need any excuse to feel depression.  Thats just depression.  But perceived debts to people who died should not be a burden like that, but a motivation.  For whatever reasons youve been spared. Try to give back what you can, even if the result doesn't seem significant to you.  And try to be content with doing what you can.

I try to.  Even tho it seems i do at least as much harm trying to help as i did before so i dunno if it actually works.

 No.1047085

File: 1595633943847.png (38.02 KB, 192x331, 192:331, lola84.png) ImgOps Google

>>1047072
Thank you for sharing all this with me. I think I have one last question.

There is a lifetime of experiences you couldn't fit in here. But is there anything you have deliberately hidden in this story? That it was so bad and shameful that you couldn't include it. Like, if you had all the time in the world to tell the last 15 years, is there a thing you would lie and cover up? Basically, there is no point to an honest assessment if the real reason you are horrible isn't even on the record. It's fine if you didn't go into detail about all the really shitty things you've done, it's not needed. I believe you that you have been a dumpster fire of a person. I just don't think is worth my time to be so thorough in this if you also murdered some people on the side. In other words, do we have the worst of it on record? Please add anything you think is missing that I must have to understand the truth.

I'm going to start this thing now. It'll take hours to get it right, might not even be done today. I'll see ya later, I'm excited to hear what you think.

 No.1047086

File: 1595636192599.png (37.41 KB, 250x271, 250:271, 1629.png) ImgOps Google

>>1047082
Yeah, I try to give back when I can... but that's when I'm also not feeling like I'm the biggest disappointment in the world.

>>1047085
Only things I would say that I've hidden is my real relationship with my father (all the way to his death bed) and what self-destructive things I've done that also got other people involved... that culminates into a few arrests, a DUI, and 2 more deaths that I have caused. One of my cousin, who died of a drug overdose, and one of my uncle, which was another situation where someone depended on me and I ignored it.

*sigh* don't stress yourself out too much on it.
If anything, it'll at least give me a written catalog of my bullshit.

 No.1047088

File: 1595638258075.jpg (398.53 KB, 663x700, 663:700, 9ab3b122658676295e1b9e34ab….jpg) ImgOps Exif Google

i like desu

 No.1047269

File: 1595792972998.png (63.12 KB, 339x341, 339:341, 715.png) ImgOps Google

So, just wondering on the whole "write-up" thing.

 No.1047271

File: 1595794201182.jpg (38.47 KB, 500x500, 1:1, b097c87d9ea5a5c245d3fccc56….jpg) ImgOps Exif Google

>>1047269
Hey Z! Do apple farmers die from preventable and treatable conditions more that other professions?

 No.1047272

File: 1595794350466.png (15.86 KB, 292x505, 292:505, lola71.png) ImgOps Google

>>1047269
Haha, sorry dude. It might take me another couple days. Honestly a few very interesting things have been happening in my life, actually in large part because of all the thinking I've been doing because of your story.

I decided to talk to my parents about my shit life and the role they played in ruining me. That was just hours ago. It went, really well honestly. I've thought this conversation was impossible my whole life, and I just did it. Like it was easy to confront them somehow despite all the ways I thought it couldn't be done.

A component to taking that step is because I have been getting into your shoes and sorta inspired almost? Like we both have similar traumas but you became such a different person than me and I've been thinking about that a lot. I'm not saying you're my hero, but talking to you has helped me a lot. Made me think about the right things.

But I promise I'll get to it in a few days. I'm not sure either today or tomorrow will work to finish it. But I'm not gonna forget to pay you back for the story! Sorry to make you wait.

 No.1047344

File: 1595814782702.png (181.47 KB, 310x304, 155:152, 1674.png) ImgOps Google

>>1047271
I don't believe so, since the only forms of farm related deaths come from accidents from farming equipment and corn silos.

And also to my knowledge, there are roughly 20 deaths per 100,000 per year in the realm of farming.

That equates to about .0002% of deaths, if my math is right.

>>1047272
... I... uh... don't know what to say besides the fact I'm glad at least someone could use my life in a positive light.

No rush, just wanted to know if you were still working on it.

 No.1047378

File: 1595817349776.png (167.59 KB, 408x408, 1:1, cb6bc4d9ee923455b4bcc33ac0….png) ImgOps Google

>>1047344
well i'm just thinking that being surrounded by apples, doctors would never be able to reach them in case of incidents :DD

cause an apple a day keeps the doctor away, so 100,000 of them would be certain death!

 No.1047400

File: 1595820007718.png (31.53 KB, 500x449, 500:449, rar_lurk.png) ImgOps Google

>5/25/20

Would it be inappropriate to make a "long-winded introductions" joke?

 No.1047492

File: 1595875403910.png (63.62 KB, 379x408, 379:408, 1835.png) ImgOps Google

>>1047378
Sounds very much like the saying "If you give a man a fire, he'll be warm for a day. If you set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life".

>>1047400
I mean, it's just re-purposing a thread that exists to facilitate the needs of a few now.
Think of it like renovating old building in the city for apartments, which then have the rent raised so high that no one can use them.

 No.1047502

>>1047086
>biggest disappointment

Be careful of grandiosity.  Im at least in the running to be the biggest disappointment myself.

 No.1047507

File: 1595879306822.png (353.27 KB, 1199x1272, 1199:1272, 349652.png) ImgOps Google

>>1047492
Oh I know. I've been lurking.

But you know you're really wasting your money renovating the whole thing. Just sexy up the lobby and price the units so high that nobody actually sees them. Nobody will realize that it's a broken piece of shit as long as there's a layer of polish in the public areas.

 No.1047514

File: 1595895178913.png (1.97 MB, 2000x2000, 1:1, Midna_-_HW.png) ImgOps Google

Huller hullo!

>I usually post with Vinyl Scratch, but I've got quite a Midna collection I want to use.

 No.1047617

File: 1595960158866.png (241.88 KB, 1013x788, 1013:788, 2 fillies 1 cupcake.png) ImgOps Google

>>1047514
Heh, I have a special connection with Midna, so you better not post lewd stuff.

 No.1047623

File: 1595961001120.jpg (80 KB, 480x604, 120:151, __midna_the_legend_of_zeld….jpg) ImgOps Exif Google

>>1047617
Midna is my absolute favorite character in any video game. I would never post lewd midna stuff. Midna is precious and must be protecced!

 No.1047626

File: 1595961339414.png (48.99 KB, 271x273, 271:273, 1009.png) ImgOps Google

>>1047502
We're all in the running for being the biggest disappointment in the world, in our own lives.

>>1047507
Funny thing is that I kinda just threw most of my worries and regrets down on paper... err, text.
So anyone really can read it, if they want of course.

Oh god, no no no. If I do proper renovations it would be simply a clean coat of paint in the rooms, newer furniture in the lobby, and a a name like "Sunny Side Condominiums". That'll be more then enough to bring people in the doors.

>>1047514
I believe we've talked before on Pchan if I'm not mistaken, but hello anyway.

it's kinda funny that this thread seems to be getting a second life now.

 No.1047628

>>1047623
She can do a lot of protecting herself
but she is a hero-ess out there

 No.1047632

File: 1595963012572.jpeg (133.37 KB, 504x701, 504:701, rar_hick.jpeg) ImgOps Google

>>1047626
Better than I can do! I literally never share my insecurities. That's probably an insecurity itself but who knows.

It's easier than actually *cleaning* the place.

 No.1047633

File: 1595963506623.png (111.29 KB, 535x523, 535:523, 1627.png) ImgOps Google

>>1047632
Yeah, but when I do that I also feel like I'm sharing too much and end up making people feel weird when they talk to me. It's kinda like "Hi, never met before but I'm -Z-. Hey, did you know that my dad wished I was dead and never born? Also I've died before. So... what are your hobbies?" and they run off like they're just seen a ghost

 No.1047635

File: 1595964407706.png (10.97 KB, 256x261, 256:261, lola29.png) ImgOps Google

>>1047633
That's how I introduced myself to the last friend I made. I was just like, let me tell you about all my most destructive habits, oh and you need to watch out for this and this and this because I have serious brain issues and if we aren't careful someone will get burned. Within the first conversation I had I told them I have a history of paranoid and delusional thoughts, just casually slipped it in.

Maybe I'm just lucky but they told me that made them much more comfortable and trusting of me. I mean, why not right? If someone starts out by just being super vulnerable and open, that's better than them hiding the worst of themselves, right? I'm really close and intimate to that friend now, so at least this time, it worked pretty well, haha. I don't think I want to make friends with anyone who I can't just tell how fucked up emotionally I am, or have been.

I'm in the middle of the thing btw, unless something major comes up I'll probably post it tonight.

 No.1047640

File: 1595965613508.png (25.32 KB, 221x212, 221:212, 1118.png) ImgOps Google

>>1047635
It really depends on who you talk to about things, because there are those who would rather hide their faults and forget them while others would rather expose them and hope to either learn from them or accept and learn to live with them.

My experience is normally to start small with people and then trickle things in from time to time, because at any time they usually will let you know when something seemed a bit too personal. Or they'll just stop talking to you

Again, no rush.

 No.1047643

File: 1595966064992.png (8.89 KB, 243x248, 243:248, lola11.png) ImgOps Google

>>1047640
Full crazy or bust! No half measures or warming people up! When meeting someone new, I make sure to immediately tell them that I am a mortal vessel for collecting all the world's pain. That's how they know I mean business as a friend!

 No.1047644

File: 1595966174440.png (208.1 KB, 367x400, 367:400, rar_hot and wet.png) ImgOps Google

>>1047633
Beh. No worries. Who isn't a bit off here?

 No.1047645

File: 1595966300721.png (14.6 KB, 195x301, 195:301, lola57.png) ImgOps Google

>>1047644
What do you mean Wheat? There's nothing off about me. Maybe you just mean everyone else.

 No.1047646

File: 1595966661568.png (29.94 KB, 231x236, 231:236, 1369.png) ImgOps Google

>>1047643
Might explain why I don't have many friends then...

>>1047644
Here? Ehh, maybe one or two people... but everyone usually has their own skeletons in the closet...

mine just seems to be overflowing

 No.1047684

File: 1596002002099.png (10.91 KB, 278x280, 139:140, lola60.png) ImgOps Google

Introduction

I'm writing this as a record of the truth. I obvious have some investment in a preferable outcome having gone through the effort of trying to obtain the truth. But ultimately what happens after this is posted is up to Z. I've broken this up into a few sections. First the story, reconstructed and given what I believe to be an entirely neutral and as close to accurate assessment I can create as a third party observer. It is not guaranteed that all my analysis is perfectly accurate. But, I am confident in what I consider a series of conclusions, which will be the section which follows. I want to really establish that some things about this story are debatable, but some conclusions are strong enough that I would consider them basically fact. After that, as a special treat, I want to include my own personal recommendation for how you should move forward with your life. If I'm going to all the trouble of doing this analysis, I might as well give you a bit of advice on how you might better live. Up to you to decide if it is any use to you.


A Story You Know With A Twist

The story must start with the GF. In a lot of ways this is her story more than Z's. She came from a very broken and dysfunctional home. In a good world, her parents would have just broken up instead of dragging their children through the hell that they did. A growing child needs safety and love to develop into a health and balanced individual. GF did not receive either in the right quantities. There are lots of ways children cope with that, but in her case she developed what is known as an Anxious Attachment style. Defined roughly as:

"People with an anxious attachment tend to be desperate to form a fantasy bond. Instead of feeling real love or trust toward their partner, they often feel emotional hunger. They’re frequently looking to their partner to rescue or complete them. Although they’re seeking a sense of safety and security by clinging to their partner, they take actions that push their partner away.

Even though anxiously attached individuals act desperate or insecure, more often than not, their behavior exacerbates their own fears. When they feel unsure of their partner’s feelings and unsafe in their relationship, they often become clingy, demanding or possessive toward their partner. They may also interpret independent actions by their partner as affirmation of their fears. For example, if their partner starts socializing more with friends, they may think, “See? He doesn’t really love me. This means he is going to leave me. I was right not to trust him.”"

She has an incredibly unhealthy relationship with most other people. She has a friend group who doesn't really support her. She keeps her place within that social circle by giving and supporting in excess. She probably does not really know how to make a real connection with another person and these friends most likely tolerate her more than love her in any genuine way.

Now we can introduce Z. He's not too different from the average teenage boy. He's going through the motions of being a teen, a bit self centered, can sometimes be a an ass when he should know better. He gets into a relationship with his new GF, but things go downhill incredibly fast. On account of her anxious attachment style, GF is not able to actually create a real bond with Z. She treats him more like an object than an actual person she loves. She isn't trying to be in a relationship as much as she is trying to fulfill a fantasy.

A teenage boy is not equipped to be able to handle the burden of a person with this kind of severe issue mental health issue. Even most adults are not. Z even tries, multiple times, to break things off between them. But the Anxiously Attached can often be living in a separate reality and she is not willing to let go of that. Not really having any other options, and not having the experience or emotional maturity to understand the situation to it's fullest, Z starts to develop his own coping mechanisms in response. He tries to hide and distance and get away, hoping she will finally get the message. It got so bad for Z, he practically vanishes from the world in an attempt to escape what has become inescapable.

At this point, it would be a farce to call the relationship between GF and Z as girlfriend and boyfriend. Z has made it clear multiple times to GF that the relationship isn't working and that they should separate. She refuses to detach from the only bit of emotional security she thinks she is able to have and works to keep Z invested in perpetuating the 'relationship'. What she is experiencing is a delusional fixation, unable to cope with her traumas she puts all of her hopes on someone who is basically a stranger to her at this point.

Unfortunately, things continue to deteriorate in her life. She soon has nowhere to turn for any support. Not from her parents, her friends, her brother, or her 'boyfriend'. She feels the despair of total abandonment which leads to her tragic death by suicide. This pointless loss of life shocks the community. Besides the sadness and grief, the question arises of why this happened? The truth was that she grew up in a terribly broken household where she received no love and no support, which put her on her own self destructive path, forming superficial relationships and developing an extremely unhealthy fixation for the one she chose to be her savior. Her parents are the ones who own full blame for her death, their failure to provide her the childhood she needed is entirely their fault and ended in the loss of her life. Her friends may come as a distant second in terms of blame, they used her for what she could do for the group without having anything to give back. The brother likely was going through his own personal hell in that family and it would be difficult to assign him much blame when he needed to do what he had to do to protect himself. Finally Z, the 'boyfriend'. Looking at the facts of the situation and circumstances, Z was conditioned by GF's actions to become avoidant. This *was* truly an abusive relationship, but it was GF who was the abuser. She created a situation he couldn't handle and could not escape from. Even in the most generous light, she was not Z's girlfriend, she was Z's stalker. He can't rightfully bare *any* of the responsibility for her death as a victim of her fantasy fixation.

But the truth doesn't really matter when we assign blame.  Those parties most at fault, also turned out to be the least capable of accepting blame. The abusive parents and the neglectful 'friends' most certainly would not be able to do the kind of mature introspection necessary to shoulder fault for what happened. Instead, they turned to whoever they could to ease their guilt. Seeing as there was mention of a boyfriend in the note, it was easy to loudly and angrily point the finger at a party who was themselves victimized. Her parents, eager to find anyone else to blame for the loss of their child and their own massive failing, go out of their way to demonize Z in the town. Her 'friends', not wanting to have to account for their own complete lack of support for GF, also go out of their way to demonize Z at school. He has become the scapegoat of the story, and it actually sounds really convincing. The neglectful boy and the sad lonely girl who just wanted to love him. But reality looked more like, the stalker girl and the boy who just wanted to escape her. Nobody is capable or even wants to think that hard, especially when we in this society are biased against men in unhealthy relationships. People assumed guilt without really bothering to check the whole truth.

Z at the time most likely doesn't understand anything about Anxious Attachment or is able to perceive the way she forced him into the position he was in. He knows he isn't a murderer though and is initially able to fight back against an entire town turned against him. But nobody, especially at a young age like that, is able to resist society forever without anyone on their side. In a twist of fate, Z is now the one who has no support of his own. This causes tremendous harm to his self esteem and his ability to resist what is a false narrative being forced on him. His mind is overwhelmed by social ostracization. He is truly, once again, a victim. When the whole world is against you, and the mind is unable to defend itself any longer, acceptance starts to set in. All the shame, regret, guilt balloons completely out of control, nothing to keep it in check. Throughout his life, he only sees people who continue to confirm the false narrative. He develops coping and defensive mechanisms to deal with the pain of social ostracization. They aren't good or healthy or even things which reflect the reality around him. They are what the brain needs to process such extreme trauma.

The unfortunate remainder of Z's life serves only as confirmation of his distorted worldview, that he is an irredeemable person. His lack of control, his self destructive behaviors, his inability to create meaningful relationships without blowing them up. There was no 'original sin', he didn't deserve to be in this position. But now that he was, he has created a life that just piles on pain and guilt and regret, a self perpetuating cycle.


The 'Undeniable' Conclusions

These following statements I do not believe to be debatable based on the evidence presented. Perhaps if something was left out of the story they could be challenged, but even then, I doubt anything additional could be major enough to change them.

1. The GF was Anxiously Attached to you, which manifested as a form of abuse towards you.
I know what Anxious Attachment looks like. I have lived it. I know what fixation and unhealthy relationship dynamics look like, as I have also live that. You are going to have to trust me when I tell you how messed up the brain of a person like hers or mine can be and how easily that can turn to abusive behavior. People think that she was in love and you pushed her away but that is a very naive way to view what was in fact a very complicated situation. Her behavior was manipulative, controlling and it was destructive and undeniably it was harmful to you. It doesn't matter whether she was a victim herself, it doesn't matter if she was 'just trying to love you', her behavior was an abuse towards you. Another way to put it, she deliberately created and perpetuated an unhealthy relationship dynamic between you which negatively impacted your life, drastically even if you were as disconnected from the world as you say you became.

2. You were not her boyfriend by the time of her death and you have no responsibility in her suicide.
You tried to escape her, for years you tried everything to get away. You told her it was over, you tried to hide from her, you may have even been mean towards her in the hope she would dump you. But, through all that, that she refuses to accept you are not her boyfriend doesn't mean you are still her boyfriend! Even if people knew you as her boyfriend, and even if you allowed them to be under that misconception, you were still not responsible for supporting her. In fact, you of all people on the planet should *not* have supported her. That would have been enablement of her unhealthy attachment. Best case she needed to be removed and put in therapy, and worst case you should have had a restraining order taken out against her.

3. You are a victim, and something terrible and unjust has been done to you.
This is really straightforward. Even setting aside the relationship dynamic which was abusive towards you, the way society has handled you over the course of your life is the ultimate form of gaslighting and emotional abuse. You were scapegoated to protect the actual abusers, and with even your own family turning against you, there was no way for you to psychologically defend yourself against your abuse. Speaking from experience, overcoming this kind of trauma is extraordinarily difficult as you naturally cannot see yourself as a victim. But that is the nature of gaslighting.

4. You still have things you should regret and be ashamed of.
If you are not actually following me on the above, the thing I need to emphasize is that yeah, you did end up doing many bad and regrettable things. Especially in your later life, it seems you have been destructive and reckless and irresponsible. What was the original source of the guilt and shame I believe should be dispelled, but everything that happened after that, you still have to own it. The key here, is you have to recognize *how much* guilt and shame you should be feeling for everything. And, I would say, it should not be too much. Some for sure, but not an amount which hinders your life.

5. Putting it all together, you should be very mad at all this shit that happened to you.
If you aren't, you should be. The parents and the friends were cowards who used you to ease their own guilt. I'm sure many of them hardly even think about the GF anymore, they are sleeping easy because they sacrificed your life to make that happen. You should be thinking about the decade an a half of life that was taken away from you and you should actually be pissed. You might not be, if you don't buy my conclusions or even if they haven't sunk in all the way. But I was pissed when I found out the same shit was done to me and I lost around 18 years of life out of it.


Recommendation

Consider this a freebie because I like you. This is a few suggestions for you to move forward with. If you are willing to give my narrative a chance but you don't know what to do with it anyway, then I have some directions.

1. Internalize that you were victim.
This is the first step, you have to really come to terms with the fact that you were victimized and abuse and traumatized. That might actually be easier for you than it was for me, because i was under the delusion I was in control, that I was not so weak that I could be controlled or abused. I'm hoping that understanding that your GF was Anxiously Attached, the impact of that, and how all the dominoes fall from there, that you will understand all the ways you were actually abuse throughout your life. Another point to remember, a lot of the people who hurt you did not consider themselves abusers, they couldn't have known better having heard a repugnant rumor about you. But that doesn't mean the damage they caused you wasn't real.

2. Resolve the original sin.
If you can accept the above, you should understand that the source of your guilt and shame was put in you unfairly. And it caused your life to spiral out of control, making self sustaining cycles of self hate within you. But if you remove the original sin, you can prevent the cycle from continuing and you can start to unravel it all.

3. Forgive yourself the worst of what you've done.
Some of the things you have done you never should have shouldered the blame for, and others you should recognize only happened because you were forced into all the positions you are in. I think you still need to repay any debts you have to the world, but it is time to find forgiveness for yourself.
3. Part of atonement can be living a good, healthy life.
You have something you need to prove to yourself now. That you *are* a good person, that you can believe in yourself as someone who is worth it. You can start doing that by allowing yourself recognition for the goods you do. I don't know what goods you do, but if you don't feel it is enough, you can do more! Just remember to give yourself credit without throwing it away from the feeling that you aren't worth it. Once you are there, it will be easier to stick to self improvement projects, since you won't be as likely to self sabotage yourself. Building yourself up also increases your ability to be kind and supportive and do good. As easily as you can create a negative reinforcement loop, a positive reinforcement loop is possible which can help you take back control of your life and one day, make you feel proud to be you.

4. Identify and disarm your defensive mechanisms and traps.
You should be doing a lot of self reflection and introspection. You have problematic behaviors, you probably have triggers, you self destruct and ruin your relationships with others. Root out and understand why you do these things and start trying to undo them. It's not always easy, and it takes a lot of time, but you can develop healthier ways to handle situations that you now feel are out of your control.

5. Keep up introspection, keep striving to improve, and you can suceed - in time.
Even by some miracle if my advice is actually solid and you actually take it, it's not gonna be easy and it is not gonna be super fast to improve. It will not always been a straight line. Often times recovery is very rocky, it involves setbacks. But if you keep seeking it out, the results are worth it. You just have to believe in yourself enough to weather the rough parts.


Conclusion

Well, I spent a lot of time on that, so I hope you at least give it serious consideration and really spend the time remembering, processing, and reflecting on your past and yourself. But you may also just reject most of this. I dunno, I'm getting tired and I'm not your keeper, haha. I'm happy to answer or clarify anything, in the case you take me seriously as someone who knows what they are doing and talking about.

Either way, hope things work out for you Z.

 No.1047688

File: 1596004435648.png (466.61 KB, 915x1088, 915:1088, 1607.png) ImgOps Google

>>1047684
First off, I just want to say that I appreciate the effort you put into writing that all out. I know that in itself isn't much, but it's what I can give to show my appreciation.

Having it put in that way, as almost a retelling from a third party, it helps put some things into perspective. The biggest being that I really didn't matter in the long run of the events that unfolded. I felt like I had a much larger role, but in reality it was just going to happen whether or not I was there. I feel awful not knowing of what she was affected with, that I didn't see the signs something was wrong sooner.

I still don't feel like a victim, but perhaps I need to have proper counseling to see myself as one. To think of myself as a victim, when I've already survived so much and come back from the dead multiple times, it just doesn't feel right to think of myself as one. I used to be angry, upset, and overall miserable over what happened... but that's from so long ago. In fact a lot of the anger I had caused a lot of stress on myself as I didn't have any kind of proper outlet. However, all of that is in the past by now and I've learned to not have anger.

>a freebie because I like you
That's some dangerous words you're spitting there.

I've done better in keeping myself open to people liking me as a whole, but I still have issues with thinking they're genuine. And I'll keep striving to improve myself, but progress is... slow and tiresome... but it's still progress.

And really, my biggest issue that I need to work on now is being so pessimistic overall.

 No.1047693

File: 1596018560447.jpg (32.96 KB, 863x982, 863:982, EYRty_pVAAEnnpg.jpg) ImgOps Exif Google

okay, literally who are you and why do we need to read about your entire life

please tell me that the second-to-last post in here is not you on Anon writing about yourself(...brit :c please be respectful, dear friend )

 No.1047694

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>>1047693
Why the fuck are you so rude?

The second to last person to post in here, who has been talking to him the entire time, is Thorax.

And you dont HAVE to read about his entire life, literally nobody asked you to. The topic on hand was the result of a fair amount of discussion beforehand because, I dont know, normal people care about each other?

No need to come in here acting like an asshole, you could easily just ignore it.

 No.1047695

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>>1047694

You wanna call me rude and then make out i'm "not a normal person," is it abnormal to not double-check 330+ posts first before posting in the thread? I guess that's on me.

 No.1047696

>>1047695
it ABSOLUTELY is abnormal to come into a thread acting like a complete asshole, treating people like shit, and acting like youre somehow inconvenienced by people talking about themselves.

Like what is your actual fucking damage?

 No.1047697

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>>1047696

I dunno, what's yours? You've had a fuckin problem with me ever since specifically that last time I made an observation about a user on this site. Why are you all so overprotective and defensive? What, it's alright to shit-talk people as long as they don't fit your particular clique?

 No.1047710

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>>1047697
She isn't being over protective or defensive. Val is calling it how it is in a 100% fair way. You're being a total asshole in literally the worst place to be an asshole right now. I'd fucking slap the shit out of you if you weren't thousands of miles away.

Speaking as a mod now, you're way over the line on civility. Usually you have some reason when you're being a jerk that I can at least empathize with, but you're just being a bastard to Z and then to Val with no cause (if you have a grudge with Val, take it somewhere else). Walk away from the thread, that's a warning.

 No.1047711

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>>1047693
Calm down, Brit.

 No.1047712

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>>1047693
Maybe things are different in British, but in American your post does indeed come off as very rude.

 No.1047713

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Yeah, I am just going to have to agree that

>>1047693

was uncalled for.

 No.1047715

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>>1047693
I'm just a nobody and you only could read about it if you felt like it. It's a bit more personal than most things I've written about on here, but it does stem from some questions that were posed about a week ago. And the other poster is not me as an anon, simply because I have no idea where to find those images they're using.

Apologies if my posting came off as selfish and narcissistic. If it makes you feel any better, this kind of posting is not going to continue.

 No.1047716

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>>1047715

nah honestly I was just kidding, but obviously the joke wasn't welcome. I didn't read the thread so that's on me, you're all good

 No.1047718

>>1047716
>honestly I was just kidding
BULLSHIT! you knew exactly what you were doing

 No.1047719

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>>1047492
>"If you give a man a fire, he'll be warm for a day. If you set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life".
I almost feel bad for laughing. Dark humor is like food some people don't get it

 No.1047720

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>>1047718
Let's just move on here please. Brit was warned, everyone already got their opinion in on it. He says he didn't mean harm, and that's fine. I'd rather the thread not devolve further trying to pick apart his sincerity. He states he was in the wrong and that is sufficient.

 No.1047730

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>>1035882
i know you and you know me!

how goes it today?

i overslept far more than i should have but that is par for the course when i have had sleeping issues for last week and a half

 No.1047746

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>>1047718
Hey, sometimes it's hard to read the room and sometimes things are said that get taken the wrong way. No need to chastise the person if they're willing to admit their mistake, if there was one to begin with.

>>1047719
Dark humor is kinda the lighter side of sadness for me, but some people don't take too kindly to it.
And sometimes there isn't a joke, but I laugh anyway.

>>1047730
not bad, dealing with my dog having her toenail ripped off. Good news is it's not infected, and I have some antibiotics for her. Bad news is that she's got to wear a wrapped bandage and rubber shoe for about a week.

She is not too happy with me currently

 No.1047906

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>>1047688
Sorry, I never actually responded to this. Jumped into moderator mode and was distracted the rest of the day.

Yeah, don't worry about the feeling of victimization right now. If it's anything like me it tooks months for that to sink in. Just keep reflecting, asking yourself questions, put the pieces together in your mind. It you accept it as logically correct, the rest of you will catch up with that understanding in time.

Honestly, you might be suppressing anger much more than not having anger. I have had a toxic relationship with anger and tried to eliminate it entirely. But it's more that I suppressed it so much I couldn't recognize that I was ever angry. I was upset at the idea people thought I was angry, despite it being clear I was acting angry. Maybe it's just me, though. I'm starting to reconnect with my anger, respect it as a part of me and try to control and harness it.

I get the struggle to feel someone is genuine towards me. I guess I feel confident enough now that I don't worry about it. That probably comes with finding internal validation, I'd like it a lot if people like me genuinely, but I just shrug at the idea that they don't. Their loss!

I'd like to keep up with you if that's alright. Say hi, see how you're doing and feeling. Share shit, I dunno. Do you have a discord? Do you use that kind of thing at all?

 No.1047914

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>>1047906
I thought of you when i first bumped into Z's story on pchan.  Im glad you ran into each other.

>>1047746
You should drop in on HAY thread.  Theres some good folks in there including another Z fellow.

 No.1047918

>>1047914
I haven't seen him in a while...

 No.1047921

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>>1047906
Didn't even realize you were a mod, huh.

Sure, if you want. -Z-#0181

>>1047914
I think I've seen this other Z you and other people have talked about, but never met them.
Kinda funny considering that apparently we frequent a lot of the same places...


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