/arch/ - Ponyville municipal archive

Part 1 :

There was a man who had laundry that needed to be done. He hated doing his laundry and he was very very lazy. But one day he realized that he smelled like a dumpster and he hadn't washed his clothes in over a month. Reluctantly, he gathered up his six bags of laundry and dumped them in the back of his volkswagen. He drove six miles across town to his best friend's house.

"My God" the man's friends said, "You smell like a zoo that's been eating kimchi!" The man grunted and said "Yeah Yeah Yeah, I know you're dialogue was written hastily but could you show a little more tact?". "I think you might have hurt the zoo's feelings" the man said. The man waddled off to his friend's laundry room. He placed his bags down with a thud.

The man started doing his laundry in his friends machine without even saying thank you. As well as being rude, he was the exact opposite of resourceful. He washed each piece of clothing by itself, and dried each piece by it self. After several hours of this bizzare behavior the man began to grow bored with what little he had to entertain himself with.


To alleviate his boredom, he threw his sandal into the washing machine.

>>684
Part 2:

This helped to alleviate his boredom for a short while. Watching the spin of the washer as it tossed the worn shoe back and forth had a slight, meditative effect on him. It helped him to alleviate some of the stress of the past few days and let his random, and sometimes relentless, thoughts seas.

But soon he felt the rumblies in his tummy and he knew that he would have to enter the kitchen again, and once in the kitchen, boredom would peek it's persistent head out. Sure, the allure of food and fresh taste of ice cool water hitting his tongue would stave it off for a while, but it would be back. It always came back.

With another growl, and funny little feeling that made him rub his chest, he headed into the kitchen to get that snack. First, he started with two slices of bread. Then, a piece of last nights left over chicken. Next, a tomato. Throughout this process, he took his time, leisurely slapping on the mayonnaise and spinning it around to blend with the mustard.

Once he was at last finished, he brought the sandwhich up to his lips and took a large bite.

>>685

Part 3:

"Oh My God what in the world am I eating?" The man questioned. "And why can't I stop?" he also questioned. He found that quite involuntarily, he literally could not stop eating the sandwich. And just as bizarrely, no matter how many bites he took from the sandwich, he never could run out of bites to take. He had somehow come across an infinite sandwich that was also enslaving him!

Trapped, he began to wonder what he had put in this sandwich. What kind of meat was it? He had thought he had put pastrami on it, not caring about the indigestion. Just what kind of food did his friend keep in this refrigerator? With his free hand he rummaged through the refrigerator.

He picked up each pack of meat, holding it up to his eyes. He found the pastrami, but it was unopened! He had made a mistake and didn't pay attention to which package he had actually opened. He finally found what he was eating, Mobius Strips!

"Hey Escher! Why the hell do you have this in your fridge?" The man wanted to yell, but couldn't

just to help keep track,

this is part 4 >>687

this is part 5 >>688

Also, keep it up everyone! we're halfway done with our first exquisite corpse!

[](/calamityspooky)

This is so dumb and silly.

I love it.

will there be another writer soon? i want to do more and see what the outcome will be!

>>693

I would but Ive kind of had writers block the past couple of days

>>688
I'll give it another post

Part 6

However, Rainbow Dash was beginning to doubt herself. Or, more specifically, her patience.

She had been entrusted with the task to return the orb safely, but it's snarky attitude and constant commentary was draining. Even now, tucked snugly in her saddle bag and wrapped up in layers of cloth, she could still hear it's insistent whining. Stopping, once again, to rest on a cloud, she wipes her brow and pulls the orb out from the sack.

"Listen Sir Orb"she says, holding it up to the light of mid-day.

"I've had just about enough of you. If you don't keep quiet for the rest of the trip, I'll-"

"You'll what?" The orb says, rudely interrupting.

Rainbow Dash gives a nasty look to the pest of a thing, and then, seeming to have a change of heart, smiles. The orb starts to speak once more, and Rainbow Dash drops with a small "oops" leaving her lips.

The orb screams bloody murder as it plummets through the sky, and just as it is about to hit the ground, Rainbow Dash speeds to the rescue and catches it.

>>695
Part 7
Rainbow Dash?? The Wonderbolt?? Heroine of Equestria, and Element of Loyalty? Rhapsody looked on in awe, not sure whether to be more terrified of the near destruction of the orb, or more thunderstruck by its rescuer.

"I should probably go over there and say thank you." Rhapsody said aloud to herself. Rhapsody had handled Empire destroying artifacts, and treasures beyond the imagination of most ponies. Surely, even a pony like Rainbow Dash is no more than an equal to such a great pony as Rhapsody!

Rhapsody's legs were like jello, however. And as Rainbow Dash casually hovered over to her, Rhapsody could barely hold herself together. This was THE Rainbow Dash! "Hey, is this yours?", asked Rainbow Dash. Rhapsody could no longer take it.

"RAINBOW DASH, oh my GOSH I LOVE YOU," screamed Rhapsody, forgetting the orb entirely for just a moment before fainting

Were so close guys!

Come on /pony/ville! Lets do it!

>>696

Part 8
Rainbow Dash, unsure what to do with fainting mares, even after a lifetime of making them faint, just steps carefully around Rhapsody. She flies off and takes a nap on a cloud. Like, a really really long nap. She naps so long that when she wakes up, it is Saturday. Rainbow Dash loves Saturday though.

The multi-chromatic mare drops down from her perch and takes flight again, whistling incessantly. She was not very good at whistling. She came to a sudden halt when her whistling angered a nearby manticore! She certainly couldn't take it all by herself!

The Manticore politely asked, "Could you, um, please stop whistling?" Oh.

>>698

Part 9

He was unfazed - the words of a Manticore meant no more to him than the words of any other denizen he'd encountered, sharp teeth or otherwise. However, he knew how to play his cards at a time like this, so he gave into the request of the ferocious creature.

"Yeah, sure thing," he muttered. "I ain't about to upset a nice fella like you."

"Thank you. I have had a rough day. Right now, silence is like heavenly music to my ears."

"Oh don't get me started. This whole day has been a mess. Can't keep a clear head, like I'm scatterbrained or somethin'."

The manticore's brow furrowed as he placed his paw in a knapsack situated on his hip. From it he procured a potion bottle, emitting a bright purple glow that seemed to pulsate as if it were alive. As the creature unbottled the glass container, a gentle sound filled the room - a glistening bell-like ringing. The man looked on in amazement, having never seen such a peculiar potion in all his life.

"This," exclaimed the Manticore, "is a Potion of Supreme Clarity. It has been used since the time of the ancients - sorcerers used it to
push their powers beyond that of their rivals, military leaders used it to gain a strategic advantage over their adversaries. It was so powerful a concoction that it was made illegal and all written records of its contents and preparation were destroyed." He gave a hearty chuckle and handed him the potion, "yet Man does not remember like a Manticore does."

"How'd you get this?" the man asked.

"I believe that is knowledge Man has not yet proven himself responsible enough to learn. Take it, and perhaps your mind will open and all of this will become clear to you."

The man took a sniff of the potion and winced. Holding his head back, he lifted the flask and allowed the gaseous potion to slowly slither down his throat, cold as if it were ice water. Having finished the potion, time seemed as though it slowed and he felt his thoughts becoming more and more precise. Finally came a moment of clarity:

"I forgot!" he cried out in sudden realization, "I have to save Celestia before it's too late!"

>>699
Part 10!!

Spike ran with the orb as fast as he could. If he couldn't get the orb back to Rainbow Dash and Rhapsody, Princess Celestia would lose her shimmering hair forever! Spike stopped for a moment and scratched his head. Was he remembering that right? The orb had a funny way of messing with his memory.

Rhapsody put her head in her hooves, and sighed. The orb had been well and truly lost, left to wreak havoc on all of Equestria. And all because she had fainted after meeting Rainbow Dash. It was embarrassing, and negligent. Princess Celestia or Twilight would probably fix the problem, and produce a friendship lesson… but what would happen before then?

It wasn't shimmering hair after all, was it?  Spike came to a sudden realization: the orb's magic was bending his perception of reality. Coming to, Spike realized that he had locked himself in the castle laundry room. Spike groaned, and sent a dragon breath letter quickly to Rhapsody.

[?To alleviate his boredom, he threw his sandal into the washing machine.[/?]

Congratulations everyone ! You've finished your first exquisite corpse !

I'm gonna repost it without spoilers

By Andrea, Ella, Dizzy, Moony, and Essie

There was a man who had laundry that needed to be done. He hated doing his laundry and he was very very lazy. But one day he realized that he smelled like a dumpster and he hadn't washed his clothes in over a month. Reluctantly, he gathered up his six bags of laundry and dumped them in the back of his volkswagen. He drove six miles across town to his best friend's house.

"My God" the man's friends said, "You smell like a zoo that's been eating kimchi!" The man grunted and said "Yeah Yeah Yeah, I know you're dialogue was written hastily but could you show a little more tact?". "I think you might have hurt the zoo's feelings" the man said. The man waddled off to his friend's laundry room. He placed his bags down with a thud.

The man started doing his laundry in his friends machine without even saying thank you. As well as being rude, he was the exact opposite of resourceful. He washed each piece of clothing by itself, and dried each piece by it self. After several hours of this bizzare behavior the man began to grow bored with what little he had to entertain himself with. To alleviate his boredom, he threw his sandal into the washing machine.

This helped to alleviate his boredom for a short while. Watching the spin of the washer as it tossed the worn shoe back and forth had a slight, meditative effect on him. It helped him to alleviate some of the stress of the past few days and let his random, and sometimes relentless, thoughts seas.

But soon he felt the rumblies in his tummy and he knew that he would have to enter the kitchen again, and once in the kitchen, boredom would peek it's persistent head out. Sure, the allure of food and fresh taste of ice cool water hitting his tongue would stave it off for a while, but it would be back. It always came back.

With another growl, and funny little feeling that made him rub his chest, he headed into the kitchen to get that snack. First, he started with two slices of bread. Then, a piece of last nights left over chicken. Next, a tomato. Throughout this process, he took his time, leisurely slapping on the mayonnaise and spinning it around to blend with the mustard. Once he was at last finished, he brought the sandwhich up to his lips and took a large bite.

"Oh My God what in the world am I eating?" The man questioned. "And why can't I stop?" he also questioned. He found that quite involuntarily, he literally could not stop eating the sandwich. And just as bizarrely, no matter how many bites he took from the sandwich, he never could run out of bites to take. He had somehow come across an infinite sandwich that was also enslaving him!

Trapped, he began to wonder what he had put in this sandwich. What kind of meat was it? He had thought he had put pastrami on it, not caring about the indigestion. Just what kind of food did his friend keep in this refrigerator? With his free hand he rummaged through the refrigerator.

He picked up each pack of meat, holding it up to his eyes. He found the pastrami, but it was unopened! He had made a mistake and didn't pay attention to which package he had actually opened. He finally found what he was eating, Mobius Strips! "Hey Escher! Why the hell do you have this in your fridge?" The man wanted to yell, but couldn't

Escher hadn't been alive in years, of course, and as such, couldn't respond. In an even more unfortunate occurrence than the death of this beloved family member, a worm hole opened inside the floor and sucked all meaning from the universe. Only one human survived, floating in a void of non-existence. He comes upon a glowing orb.

"What is this?" the human asked, surprised he could still breathe "What is the point of this? You can't just say you 'removed meaning' from the universe. That makes no sense. Meaning is a human concept, it has no objective value."

"Objective value is for turds, William.", the orb replied. "You don't want to be a turd, do you? A poo poo pee pee philosophy loving turd face. That's what you are!" The orb asserted, "I bet your philosophy is even turdy."

"Turdy?", replied the young unicorn. "Whatever could that mean?" She puzzled it out to herself, but could not understand. The orb was not at all what she expected.

Nevertheless, the orb in front of her was supposed to be the orb of Snowforest the Wise. It had to be returned to Princess Celestia as soon as possible, before any trouble might arise. Rhapsody shook her head. The last time an artifact of such power escaped from her custody, a single unicorn had nearly enslaved the town Ponyville. Rhapsody's act of negligence had required the efforts of the now Princess of Friendship in order to resolve.

And Rhapsody was not keen on allowing that to happen again. As custodian of the sacred archive of artifacts, Rhapsody was tasked with categorizing and keeping safe the treasures of Equestria. Friendship might be magic, but friendships and magic abused, alike, are dangerous. Rhapsody grabbed the orb, and stuffed it in a brown, unassuming sack. If the orb could be returned safetly to Canterlot, perhaps no one would notice it had even been missing at all, to begin with.

>>702
However, Rainbow Dash was beginning to doubt herself. Or, more specifically, her patience.

She had been entrusted with the task to return the orb safely, but it's snarky attitude and constant commentary was draining. Even now, tucked snugly in her saddle bag and wrapped up in layers of cloth, she could still hear it's insistent whining. Stopping, once again, to rest on a cloud, she wipes her brow and pulls the orb out from the sack.

"Listen Sir Orb"she says, holding it up to the light of mid-day.

"I've had just about enough of you. If you don't keep quiet for the rest of the trip, I'll-"

"You'll what?" The orb says, rudely interrupting.

Rainbow Dash gives a nasty look to the pest of a thing, and then, seeming to have a change of heart, smiles. The orb starts to speak once more, and Rainbow Dash drops with a small "oops" leaving her lips. The orb screams bloody murder as it plummets through the sky, and just as it is about to hit the ground, Rainbow Dash speeds to the rescue and catches it.

Rainbow Dash?? The Wonderbolt?? Heroine of Equestria, and Element of Loyalty? Rhapsody looked on in awe, not sure whether to be more terrified of the near destruction of the orb, or more thunderstruck by its rescuer.

"I should probably go over there and say thank you." Rhapsody said aloud to herself. Rhapsody had handled Empire destroying artifacts, and treasures beyond the imagination of most ponies. Surely, even a pony like Rainbow Dash is no more than an equal to such a great pony as Rhapsody!

Rhapsody's legs were like jello, however. And as Rainbow Dash casually hovered over to her, Rhapsody could barely hold herself together. This was THE Rainbow Dash! "Hey, is this yours?", asked Rainbow Dash. Rhapsody could no longer take it. "RAINBOW DASH, oh my GOSH I LOVE YOU," screamed Rhapsody, forgetting the orb entirely for just a moment before fainting

Rainbow Dash, unsure what to do with fainting mares, even after a lifetime of making them faint, just steps carefully around Rhapsody. She flies off and takes a nap on a cloud. Like, a really really long nap. She naps so long that when she wakes up, it is Saturday. Rainbow Dash loves Saturday though.

The multi-chromatic mare drops down from her perch and takes flight again, whistling incessantly. She was not very good at whistling. She came to a sudden halt when her whistling angered a nearby manticore! She certainly couldn't take it all by herself! The Manticore politely asked, "Could you, um, please stop whistling?" Oh.

He was unfazed - the words of a Manticore meant no more to him than the words of any other denizen he'd encountered, sharp teeth or otherwise. However, he knew how to play his cards at a time like this, so he gave into the request of the ferocious creature.

"Yeah, sure thing," he muttered. "I ain't about to upset a nice fella like you."

"Thank you. I have had a rough day. Right now, silence is like heavenly music to my ears."

"Oh don't get me started. This whole day has been a mess. Can't keep a clear head, like I'm scatterbrained or somethin'."

The manticore's brow furrowed as he placed his paw in a knapsack situated on his hip. From it he procured a potion bottle, emitting a bright purple glow that seemed to pulsate as if it were alive. As the creature unbottled the glass container, a gentle sound filled the room - a glistening bell-like ringing. The man looked on in amazement, having never seen such a peculiar potion in all his life.

"This," exclaimed the Manticore, "is a Potion of Supreme Clarity. It has been used since the time of the ancients - sorcerers used it to
push their powers beyond that of their rivals, military leaders used it to gain a strategic advantage over their adversaries. It was so powerful a concoction that it was made illegal and all written records of its contents and preparation were destroyed." He gave a hearty chuckle and handed him the potion, "yet Man does not remember like a Manticore does."

"How'd you get this?" the man asked.

"I believe that is knowledge Man has not yet proven himself responsible enough to learn. Take it, and perhaps your mind will open and all of this will become clear to you."

The man took a sniff of the potion and winced. Holding his head back, he lifted the flask and allowed the gaseous potion to slowly slither down his throat, cold as if it were ice water. Having finished the potion, time seemed as though it slowed and he felt his thoughts becoming more and more precise. Finally came a moment of clarity:

"I forgot!" he cried out in sudden realization, "I have to save Celestia before it's too late!"

Spike ran with the orb as fast as he could. If he couldn't get the orb back to Rainbow Dash and Rhapsody, Princess Celestia would lose her shimmering hair forever! Spike stopped for a moment and scratched his head. Was he remembering that right? The orb had a funny way of messing with his memory.

Rhapsody put her head in her hooves, and sighed. The orb had been well and truly lost, left to wreak havoc on all of Equestria. And all because she had fainted after meeting Rainbow Dash. It was embarrassing, and negligent. Princess Celestia or Twilight would probably fix the problem, and produce a friendship lesson… but what would happen before then?

It wasn't shimmering hair after all, was it?  Spike came to a sudden realization: the orb's magic was bending his perception of reality. Coming to, Spike realized that he had locked himself in the castle laundry room. Spike groaned, and sent a dragon breath letter quickly to Rhapsody.

To alleviate his boredom, he threw his sandal into the washing machine.

i love it <3. bravissimo!

and, it's ours! we made this all by ourselves <3

>>702
>>703

And it was all just a dream~


Haha, I loved it! Let's do another one!

i think we should arch this. it was super neat!